When we first fell in love our families opposed our relationship. It had something to do with some past disputes between the two families. This was a fight that didn’t concern us so why should we let it get in the way of our relationship? We didn’t let their disapproval stop us at all. We went on loving each other hopelessly. This was ten years ago. 

Right after I completed my first year in tertiary school, she got pregnant and had a baby. Two years down the line we moved in together. I had yet to perform the traditional marriage rites for her to officially be my wife, yet I referred to her as my wife. 

Although we had a child and lived together, her father’s sentiments toward me did not change. The man never missed the opportunity to threaten to harm me if I didn’t leave his daughter. I started hearing some rumours about the steps he had taken to hurt me. When I confronted him he admitted that he sought spiritual manipulations to separate us. 

After school, I was fortunate to land a government job. I wanted multiple streams of income so I took some loans and started a business. Unfortunately, the business failed. Which meant I was paying loans for money that incurred a loss. My finances struggled as a result of this. Actually, I am still struggling.

My struggles affected my marriage. My wife’s family and friends criticized me because I couldn’t do much for her. She understood my situation but she always took their sides when they insulted me. She even listened to them more than she did me. 

There was this instance where I took her to the clinic to get a family planning implant. That way we would pace our kids. I wanted us to wait till we were financially ready for another child. Could you believe that she took her friends’ advice and went behind my back to remove the implant? This brought us our second child. 

Along the line, I suggested she return to school to learn fashion and design. My girl refused and chose to focus all her attention on our marriage instead. We argued a lot about this. When I couldn’t take it anymore I asked her, “Are you aware that your father has tried to use spiritual means to separate us? Maybe this is why we never see eye to eye on anything. Everything in this marriage has to be a fight. Are you not tired of all the chaos?” 

She confronted him, and he admitted to manipulating our relationship. He assured her he would reverse whatever he did. However, when I requested that he involve some members of my family as witnesses to the reversal. He said no.

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Since then, I’ve struggled to find peace and interest in my work. I’ve become withdrawn and frequently argue with my wife’s family, who continue to threaten me. I keep drowning in debt. Despite my efforts to get back on my feet, I am still down on my a$$. I have even sold important and expensive properties but my situation only worsens by day. 

My education and career advancement have stalled after being on government payroll for the past four years. When I look at my life I feel trapped. When I think about how little progress I have made, I feel embarrassed and so hopeless.

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I yearn for a better life, where I can pursue my education and career without hindrance. I aspire to break free from this cycle of struggle and find peace. That’s why I am here. Despite my efforts to share my struggles with the people close to me, nobody seems to believe me or offer assistance. Because of this, I’ve lost faith in seeking help from others.

But here lies the case where I need help breaking out of this toxic cycle of my life. If anyone has any guidance or support to offer me, I will be happy to hear it. I know I’m not the only one who has ever felt like they are marking time in life. So I am hoping to learn a thing or two from someone who went through it and came out stronger at the other end.

— Hope

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