On my matriculation day, I boarded a bus from Takoradi to Accra to visit my boyfriend. Bernard and I met two weeks to my matriculation, but I was in love with him and couldn’t wait to see him. Our first encounter was on Facebook. I had been single for two years, so when he sent me a friend request, and I saw how handsome he was, I accepted it. I said in my heart, “Wow, the way this guy looks good, he is going to be my boyfriend.” We got talking and all things pointed to the fact that he liked me.

There was no official proposal but we both knew the moment our friendship crossed over to the world of romance. So when he asked me to come and visit him, I didn’t hesitate before saying yes. Right after the matriculation ceremony, I packed my bags and headed to the station to board a bus.

Throughout my journey, we had a wonderful chat. “What do you expect to happen when you get here?” He asked me. I listed all the things I wanted us to do and he also talked about all the fun things we could do. I loved Bernie to the extent that I was thinking about him throughout the journey. Even when our bus was almost involved in an accident, I didn’t know because he was all over my mind.

I got to Accra after midday and walked into the welcoming embrace of the love of my life. He took me home and the first thing I did was take a shower. After that, we ate. We had some conversations, laughed, and made love all through the night. I spent the next day and night with him before I returned to campus.

I only heard from him the night I got to school. The next morning, he went completely silent on me. I called him throughout the day but I didn’t get a single, “Hello.” I wondered if he was okay. Even if he was unwell, he would have at least responded to my texts, right? I started to wonder if I did anything wrong when I was with him. For a whole month, this guy didn’t talk to me. He was making posts online so I knew he just didn’t want to talk to me.

One day I texted him, “I believe you owe me an explanation for the way you disappeared on me. At least, give me that.” His response was simple, “I never proposed to you so we are just friends. It’s not my fault you assumed you were my girlfriend and started acting like one.” I didn’t even notice it when fat drops of tears started rolling down my cheeks. I cried till I got sick and ended up in the hospital.

I was having trouble keeping down my medication so I had to report at the hospital every week. It was during my last review that I met Nene. We talked briefly and exchanged contacts but I didn’t expect anything to come out of it. I had just been jilted by one man so I wasn’t ready to get involved with another one. Nene didn’t know this.

That very day he took my number, he texted to ask if I was feeling better. He then stuck around until I finished seeing the doctor, and asked if he could take me home. From that day, Nene became my rock. If my neck felt too tired, I would rest my head on his shoulders.

He was good to me. He always showed up when I was at my lowest. When I felt ready, I told him about my experience with Bernard. He didn’t judge me. Rather, he stayed by me and helped me recover.

He was in level 300 when we met so we were both students. After five months of friendship, he proposed that we take things beyond a platonic relationship. I liked him but I wasn’t ready to go into an amorous relationship. He was understanding. He didn’t push me or try to impose his love on me. Rather, he continued to be my friend, loving me until I was ready to be his.

I am not exaggerating when I say Nene is the most caring and loving person I know. This doesn’t mean our relationship was perfect. The cracks began to show when I started receiving calls from people telling me to speak to Nene to pay off his loans. I was confused. I even thought it was a prank, however the calls kept coming. “Doreen, tell your man to pay me back my money before I involve the police,” one caller said. I had no idea how they even got my number.

One day, I asked Nene, “Have you been living a double life? I know you are a good person so why am I getting threats from people because of money? What is it you are into?” That was when he told me, “It’s not anything fraudulent. I borrowed money from some of my friends a while back and invested it in bitcoin. I lost it all. In my attempt to get the money back, I borrowed some more money and tried sports betting, but I lost that one too.” I was sad to hear this.

I didn’t have enough to cover all his debts but I paid off some petty debts. Little did I know the depths of my boyfriend’s problems.

He is currently done with his national service but he is unemployed. All he does is borrow money from people to use for sports betting. Family have spoken to him but nothing has changed. A pastor was involved. We prayed to cast the demon of gambling out of him, but the demon must have only grown stronger because Nene only gets worse with time.

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I was madly in love with him but his addiction is putting me off. He recently went to borrow some money and used it to bet. The person didn’t take it lying down. The case is at the police station right now.

Why is this happening to me? After what I went through with Bernard, I stopped believing in men. Then I got the most caring and loving boyfriend so I started to trust that there were men out there who were not problematic. Only for him to reveal a dark side I do not want to deal with.

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Right now, my love for him is getting depleted. “I don’t want to continue this relationship anymore,” I told him. “Please, don’t leave me. I will work on myself,” he begged. I want to be there for him just as he was there for me but gambling is a dealbreaker for me. A man who uses any money that touches the palm of his hands to bet cannot be a husband.

Some of my friends tell me, “Stand by him and help him overcome his addiction. That’s what it means to be your man’s ride-or-die. You don’t leave when things get hard.” Another group of friends is also telling me, “Why are you burdening yourself with somebody’s problems? Doesn’t he have a family? Leave him and find a better man. You are too young to be stressed like this.” If you ask me what I think, all I can say is that I am tired. If not for his betting problem, he would have been a perfect boyfriend. What do you advise I do?

—Doreen

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