We’ve had it rough when it comes to men—me and my best friend Irene. At one point, we lay in bed looking at the ceiling while contemplating what we did wrong to deserve all the troubles we’ve been through in a relationship. I thought about all the men I’d hurt while Irene blamed it on her destiny; “Maybe we were not meant for this thing called love,” Irene said. I continued, “It may be true. Maybe we were meant to come and eat banku, bath and sleep but we are here falling in love, who sent us?”

We’ve been friends like forever. We don’t know how the friendship began but we’ve always known where we were going. If you don’t find me in Irene’s house, you’ll find her in my house. There were days we both had boyfriends. We spent a lot of time with them but we never neglected us. At the end of the day, we’d end up in the house of either me or her and talk about life and everything.

My boyfriend accused me of stealing his money and used that as a reason to break up with me. This is a guy I was giving money to every now and then. He borrowed and never paid. He never had money during the seven months that we dated but one day he had money and that money was apparently stolen by me so he left.

It broke me into pieces but Irene was there to pick the pieces up and helped put me together piece by piece. It wasn’t the first time she was helping to build me up but this was very hard because a guy was carrying me in his mind as a thief. He was going to tell his new girlfriend that his ex was a thief. That was the breaking point for me.

READ ALSO: How Does A Woman Get Herself Back After A Failed Marriage?

We went out one night to pour the pain out. At the bar, two guys approached our table. One took care of Irene while the other one sat next to me. We loved doing that to men knowing very well we were not taking them seriously. We would entertain them, flirt with them and even accept their proposals if it came to it but once we depart, we would block them. So when these guys approached, we put on our best show.

They were fun, they spent on us and made us laugh all night. It was a good night, to be honest. When we were leaving, they took our contacts. I knew I wasn’t going to call him and I believed Irene was also going to do the same. It wasn’t something we needed to talk about. We both knew what to do.

Three days later Irene called, “Efe, the guy is a great guy. I think I will give him a chance.”

While I was in the house trying to mend my broken heart, Irene was out there seeing the guy we met at the bar. Within three days, she had accepted the guy’s proposal and had invited him to her place. It was so unusual not to see Irene in three days but I took it as one of those things.

I tried asking questions but she thought I was probing too much. She said, “It’s a new thing I’m trying to grow because he’s a good guy. With time I’ll have all the answers.”

She stopped calling me and stopped visiting. Whenever I wanted to visit her, she gave me excuses. It was either the guy was coming to her place or she was going out with the guy. Everything became about that guy and nothing about me.

I was jealous and a little bit hurt but I wished her well. They would go out and she would post their outings on her status but she would not show the guy’s face. She was always showing the back of his head. I asked her, “Why are you hiding him?” She answered, “Oh it’s because he’s a private person.”

For one month, I didn’t see my friend. I went to her place unannounced one Saturday morning and the guy was there. He had come to spend the night. I told her I was passing by and decided to see her. She told me, “As you can see, I have a visitor. I’ll call you later when he’s gone.” I looked at her in a way she would know I wasn’t happy before leaving. I didn’t last a minute at her place.

In the evening she came to my place to apologize for ignoring me and all that. I told her she wasn’t leaving until the next morning. She told me the guy would come around so she had to be home to receive him. I locked the door and took the keys. “Tell the guy you won’t be home because of an emergency. He’ll understand.”

I started asking her questions and demanded that she answer honestly. She didn’t know where the guy lived because the guy said he was about to complete his own building so he was living with a friend. According to her, the guy took her to his uncompleted house to witness the progress. She hadn’t met the friend the guy lived with because the guy said he didn’t want his friend to poke his nose into his issues. He hadn’t met any family member of the guy because the guy wanted to keep it a secret until they were ready to marry.

I screamed, “Irene, I thought we’d gone past these lessons. I thought we completed this syllabus years ago. Why are you still writing exams on it?” She responded calmly, “I know we’ve been through a lot so we think all men are the same. This one here is different. I’m giving him the chance to commit his own mistakes instead of judging him by other’s mistakes.”

When she left my door, I didn’t see her again until weeks later when she came to knock on my door. Immediately I opened the door and she saw my face, she said, “He’s married.”

I pulled her in and pushed her to sit on the bed. “How did you know?” I asked. “His wife is a white lady. They have three kids and a dog. You know he told me he wasn’t on Social media. I searched him with my account and didn’t find him. Yesterday, out of curiosity, I used Adjoa’s phone to search him. He’s on Instagram and Facebook. I saw the photos with my own eyes.”

“Have you called him to ask questions?”

“Yeah, he confessed. The annoying thing is, he still wants us to keep going. Herrrh, God will punish this guy.”

I’m not yet over the pain of being called a thief but I’m here trying to mend a heart who wouldn’t listen to my advice. But one thing I’ve also learned is that we are not too old to make mistakes when it comes to dating.

It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person

People lie, it’s the reason relationships are hard. Unfortunately, you’ll have to rely on the words and promises of these same lying humans if you want to be in a loving relationship. It’s hit and miss I think, but going forward, we’ve learned to hit carefully and slowly so the fall will be slow and gentle when it happens. We don’t want to break anything again next time. We’ve been put together so many times it would be hard the next time we break apart.

—Efe

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

******