Just as we started dating, Moses got the opportunity to travel abroad for greener pastures. I wanted us to get intimate before he left but he refused. He told me he didn’t want to spoil me. He was a staunch Catholic at the time while I am Adventist. However, unlike him, I wasn’t a committed church member. Sometimes he would be the one to push me to go to church before I would go. Because of my inconsistent attendance, many people in the church didn’t even know me.
Now, five years after he stayed abroad, he returned to Ghana to marry me. It was on our wedding night that we finally did the thing. I also discovered that night that he had premature ejaculation. He would start strong only to finish in two minutes. I was disappointed but I allowed the love I had for him to overlook his flaws. I was convinced that we would work through all our problems.
He visited Ghana whenever he got the chance, and when he did, we tried for a baby. However, after a few years, we still hadn’t seen results. So I told him, “Considering that we are struggling to conceive on our own, we need help. Let’s see a specialist.” He agreed and we went to the hospital. There, doctors said he had a low sperm count. We were given some medication to help boost things. We tried herbal medicine too. We were taking the two combined.
While we were still trying, he made arrangements for me to join him abroad. I thought if we lived together and had regular intercourse, things would get better but I was wrong. Not only does my husband have a low sperm count but he also has a low sex drive. We were doing it once or twice in month. We still do. Sometimes we would go a whole month without doing it. I noticed too that he was not taking the medication. I had to talk and cry sometimes before he would agree to take it.
It got to a point where I resolved that my husband is the way he is because that is how God created him. If it’s hard to make him change his lifestyle to help us conceive, then we should find a way around it. I knew getting IVF treatments would help so I started saving money for it. It happens that even though he was here before me, I am more financially stable than he is. That’s why I didn’t burden him with the cost of the treatment.
When the money was ready, I went to the hospital and they asked me to return when I got my period in March to start the process. Now, this is where things took a different turn. My husband has a cousin who also lives abroad here with his wife. They got married at the same time we did, and just like us, they were struggling with infertility. When I told my husband I was ready to start the IVF process he said, “Hold on. My cousin’s wife has gotten pregnant with the help of a certain prophet. I also went to see the prophet and he had some things to say about us.” He then took out his phone and played a recording of what the prophet said.
According to the man, our infertility is a spiritual attack on me by someone in my SDA church back home. He said the person liaised with my family to try and prevent me from getting married and also traveling abroad but my mother’s prayers cancelled their plans. So they gave me infertility issues to frustrate my marriage. After playing the recording, my husband opened his mouth and told me, “Now that we know the cause of our problem, let’s not bother with IVF. Give me half of that money so that we give it to the prophet for akwankyere. When he tells us what to do and we do it, we will also conceive like my cousin and his wife.”At this point, I couldn’t hide my anger.
I told him, “You know very well that I was not regular enough in that church for anyone to notice me let alone plot to sabotage me. Your cousin and his wife are fine medically, but you have been diagnosed with a fertility issue. So why do you think we should follow their path instead of finding a solution to the problem we both know that you have? I won’t give my money to any pastor but if you have that USD1500, you can go ahead and give it to him.” My mum also got involved in the issue and advised us to be careful with these pastors.
I was so disappointed in my husband for believing in the pastor in the first place. So I updated my WhatsApp status saying, “It’s very painful dealing with illiterates. They believe everything is spiritual.” This man took a screenshot and sent it to his cousin. When I found out, I got angry and insulted him, his cousin, and the pastor. Again, my husband recorded the insults and sent it to his cousin.
READ ALSO: My Girlfriend Introduced Me To Her Friend As A Friend So I Dated Her Friend
I went through their chats and saw it. I asked him if it was necessary for him to tell his cousin everything going on in our marriage. I then reported him to his mother and mine. They both spoke to me and we resolved the issue.
However, after that incident, my husband changed his phone password. So I also changed all my passwords including my bank account. He stopped posting me on his WhatsApp so I also stopped posting him. When we go out, we make videos together, but he stopped that too. Honestly, I didn’t mind whatever he was doing so I didn’t care to find out why he stopped being public about us until I had a conversation with this same cousin of his.
I’m Dating Him And His Mother | STORY BOARD
I only called to apologize for the insults he heard, but the guy told me that my husband had told them that our marriage collapsed the day I insulted them. He even told them that we sleep in separate bedrooms. He went to the extent of calling them at night when I had gone to sleep pretending he was in another room, just to sell these lies. We had resolved our issues and were in a good place so why the lies? He is painting me black in their eyes but he hasn’t told them about his infertility problems. They all think I am the reason we can’t conceive.
The more I think of him, the more I am certain I married a man-child. I told him to go ahead and collapse the marriage if that is what he wants. “If you can find a woman who will sacrifice her pleasure to make this marriage work the way I am trying, then good for you,” I concluded. I am filled with regret that I didn’t take his sex issues seriously right from the beginning. If I did, I wouldn’t be here today with a boring and dry sex life, with a man who would believe a pastor than go to the hospital to get help.
— Bernice
This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
#SB
Why don’t you come to an understanding to try both, that is give the money for the prophet and give a time limit. If it doesn’t work, then you go for the IVF?
Please, no more insults, Bernie. Substitute the insults with prayers, preferably, husband-wife prayers. With God nothing is …..
God doesn’t sell miracles. Anytime a ‘man of God’ demands an offering before a breakthrough, be wary of him. Don’t waste any money on any akwan kyere. Agree to join forces with him and pray. You could join Alpha hour or NSPPD online. No one is selling miracles on that platform. It is pure prayer by faith. As you do that with him, encourage him to take his medication. Tell him that God can decide to heal him through the medication. Supervise the taking of the meds if you must. It is his ego that is shifting him to a place of denial. It’s easy to allow people to blame you than to face his challenge. Please help him by encouraging him to take his meds the way one would encourage a child to take his medication. This ego thing can really make a man behave unreasonably sometimes. All the best, dear and may God come to your aid. You need it.
Ah George you can’t be serious. The man has a low sperm count and instead of him to take medicine or do IVF, you want him to waste money on a prophet. Is that how money is easy to get? If he wants to give money to the prophet, then he should pay for it himself. Don’t contribute a dime to that stupidity. If not for decency, maybe you would have gotten pregnant for another man, so he would realise that nobody cursed you with infertility
You come across as very quarrelsome and bitchy. It’s bad enough you insulting your husband but insulting third parties, especially his cousin is way down low. We all make mistakes but this is a matter of faith and in as much as I support your decision not to pay the prophet I cannot for the life of me understand what you sought to achieve by insinuating publicly that your husband is an illiterate. From then on you gleefully raced him to the bottom of hurting each other. If you do want a meaningful relationship with your husband or anybody else in the future stop being so toxic.
These are typical examples of women whom no man should bring abroad. He is illiterate but was the one who brought you Abroad.
Second, you’re proud that you insulted him and his cousin. You are a very toxic woman. Forget about the foolishness of your husband paying money to the prophet; he shouldn’t have married you.
Soon, you tell all his family about his sexual weakness and use it against him. You already started talking about how you’re doing better than him financially.
There is a lot here to learn. Some people sacrifice a lot to bring others abroad. Once they arrive and do okay, they compare who is better. People have put aside their dreams to support others. He probably paid for all your expenses and trip to relocate you. Today, you only look at what he has, not what he has done.
Time will judge your marriage, but even if you divorce him eventually, you will find the literate you always wanted.
Best wishes to you