Martin met me when I was a third-year student at Legon. He came around often to see a friend but he later told me he came around often not because of his friend but because of me. “I saw you only when I met him so I decided to meet him more often,” he told me. I wasn’t sure if he was the right man for me. I considered his consistent approach and where he was in life and said yes to him.

He was working in a bank and was driving a car that screamed financial safety. I’m not shy to admit that I said yes to him because he was a safer bet. I always heard Kwahu men were stingy. I thought it was a mere say until I started dating Martin. When his fingernail broke, he fixed it back on with glue. That was how stingy he was.

He never came with a gift or a song. We always met on campus, under a tree where we sat every evening when he came around. To him, outing was a waste of money. Breathing too loud was also a waste of breath. We fought sometimes about his frugal behavior but when I realized I wouldn’t be able to change him, I stopped and loved him for who he was. Stingy, but he was my man.

After my national service, I started talking about marriage with Martin. I didn’t want to waste the juice in my youth chasing butterflies. I wanted to settle down as quickly as I could so I could shift focus to other areas of my life. When I talked about marriage, Martin asked me, “How much do you have in your account that you want to marry?”

He was right. A woman needs her own before she can be on her own. I got a job. It wasn’t paying a lot but it was a job. It was a job Martin wasn’t proud of so he always berated me for my lack of ambition and dreams.

He kept asking how much I had in my account. Though it was embarrassing, I made excuses for him. That he was a man who wanted his woman to succeed no matter what.

After dating him for four years and still doing the same job, I asked, “How much should I have in my account before I can measure up to your standard?” He didn’t mince words or blink before mentioning the amount, “A woman your calibre should have at least GHC100,000 in her account.”

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I’d always felt so small but that amount he mentioned made me feel like a needle in a haystack. “You won’t consider marriage until I save that much?” I asked. He answered, “That’s not what I mean. Get money. I just don’t want to marry a burden. My children should have a mother who can take good care of them in my absence.”

I nodded harmoniously to the tunes of his song; “It’s true Martin. I’ll make you proud.”

I saved everything I earned. I didn’t spend on what didn’t give me life and a lot of things didn’t give me life so you can imagine how little I spent. I was chasing every job that promised better emolument until that chase led me to a place where I met a man who said he was going to help me. I looked at his face and saw his intentions through his countenance. He didn’t want to help. He wanted a relationship. I insulted him in my head, “You think you’re fast. You want to use a job to chop me falaa, me boa?”

He’s Claudia’s brother and he’s Claud. Claudia is a friend and a sister in Christ. While I was busy running away from her brother, Claudia continued being the bridge her brother walked on to get to me. I told Martin about Claud. I told him Claud was trying to get to me through a job offer. He told me to play along and get the job and ghost him later.

Claud was deep into me but also was deep out there speaking for me through his rich network. He invited me to dinner, something Martin never did. He bought gifts and showered me with compliments. He introduced me to people using big words and phrases you’ll only see on a LinkedIn profile.

I got a job through him. A job that paid five times my salary plus bonuses and good perks. When he finally proposed, I didn’t know how to say no but I knew I wasn’t going to say yes too. I left him hanging while dreaming of a marriage with Martin. “I will marry Martin very soon and this one will stop chasing,” I told myself

Martin was a dream come through. He wasn’t everything I wanted in a man but was a promise I made to myself and God. That the next man I date should be my husband. Martin was my second boyfriend. The first one was bad. I didn’t want to have too many men in my love story so it was Martin and no one else.

Claude worked through Claudia; “Give my brother a chance. He wants to marry you. He’s not a man to waste your time,” she told me. I asked her, “He told you he was looking for a wife or you’re putting words in his CV to make him the perfect candidate.”

One day, on a date Martin fought me not to attend, I asked Claud, “What do you need a woman for?”

He answered the question the way a desperate job seeker would answer, “Why should we employ you?” While he was going on and on with his answer, my phone rang. It was Martin. I didn’t pick up. He called thrice and gave up. When I was leaving the date, I knew I had to take Claud seriously.

Martin accused me of infidelity because I didn’t pick up his calls and was shocked when I didn’t defend myself. “You slept with him?” He asked me. I answered, “I didn’t. He won’t even do that.”

He was infuriated that I was defending a man he suspected had slept with his girlfriend. He didn’t pick up my calls for a day. I didn’t call him again until he came to my place accusing me that I’d stopped calling him because I had a new boyfriend. Slowly, we resolved the issue. When we settled, I asked him about his plan for us. “I have a good job now. Soon I can have enough to help the home. How long before we make our lives official?”

He got angry. I was pressuring him about marriage and it wasn’t something he wanted to hear from a woman he was dating. I felt insulted when he suggested that I was after his money. I nodded and stopped talking. When I got home, I sent him a message to break up with him. He called my bluff and told me to get a life instead of thinking about marriage.

I broke up with him but I was the one crying and hurting. I wanted to call him and apologize. Some days I would pick up the phone, dial his number but cut it before it rang. A week passed, I didn’t hear from him. I was at the same time running away from Claud who was all over the place trying to get my attention. I was hoping Martin would come back but he didn’t. Claud left me alone when he realized I was running from him.

A couple of months later, I called Claud. We met and I apologized to him. I explained everything to him. I told him about Martin and our issues. He said, “I understand. I’m glad you’re back on your feet again.”

We met often. He made it his job to buy me happiness wherever it was sold. I said yes to him and started dating. Seven months later, he asked me to marry him.

Martin was right to want a woman who could stand on her own feet financially but Claud sounded perfect when he said, “I’m looking for a woman who can help push my life from here to there and I see that woman in you.”

We got married before we turned a year old. Claud came ready and wasn’t waiting for me to make GHC100,000 before marriage. What is money today when you can make it in future?

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Martin came back. He called a week after I’d said yes to Claud. He came to forgive my sins so we could start again. I thanked him for his forgiveness and reminded him I didn’t have the money he wanted to see in a wife. He said, “You have someone, tell the truth.”

I had Claud. Six years later, I still have him here with me, drawing a family portrait a day at a time, a child after child and in a web of love that doesn’t need GHC100,000 to be loved.

— Abrefi

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