I met Kwesi in February last year through an aunt. He is forty-five and I am twenty-seven. My aunt hooked me up with him because he told her that he was looking for someone to settle down with and have a family with. I live in the Bono Region so I had to travel to Accra for our first meeting. He looked good for a forty-five-year-old. I liked him immediately, and he also liked me. He proposed marriage that very day, and I said yes.

I thought we would take some time to get to know each other better before we start with marriage preparations. However, this man wanted to come and see my family that same month we met for the knocking ceremony. I felt he was rushing. Just because I want to get married doesn’t mean I should jump into marriage with whoever is available. I wanted to be sure he was someone I could spend forever with.

Whenever he brought up the topic of the knocking ceremony, I would give him an excuse. He was also very relentless so I told him, “The best time to do this is in April. So come and see my people in April.” What I didn’t know was that he had already fixed his calendar for the year, and April was already booked. He imports cars and spare parts for sales so he had scheduled to travel in May to attend to his business elsewhere, and April was his preparation month. Because of this, we couldn’t do the knocking ceremony.

Before he left, I discussed a health concern with him. For some time I had been having irregular menstrual cycles. Sometimes I could for three months without seeing my period. I went to the hospital for treatment but I couldn’t get the proper care I needed because I didn’t have enough money to pay for tests and specialist consultations. When I discussed the problem with Kwesi, he took me to the hospital. That was when I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst. The doctor told me this kind of cyst could make it difficult for me to conceive. He recommended that I see a fertility doctor if I start trying for a baby.

I was broken that day. The journey from the hospital to the house became so long for me. I kept thinking about the fact that this had to come up just when I met a man who was ready to settle down with me. I even thought Kwesi was going to leave me but rather, he stood by me through it all. It was not easy for him. I was placed on medication to regulate my cycle first. Kwesi also helped by searching for food I should eat to help boost my fertility, and the things I shouldn’t do so the condition can easily go away. He already has three children but he is determined for us to have a child together.

READ ALSO: I Am Wasting My Time With A Good Man

When he finally traveled overseas, I stayed in Ghana and continued my medication. My medicine worked fine, and by the time he returned, my cycle had become regular. We got intimate and I conceived. I didn’t know I was pregnant. The doctors did tell me my chances of getting pregnant were slim so I did not expect it to happen without any medical assistance. It was when I had a miscarriage that I knew. Kwesi got angry with me and blamed me for losing the baby, “This is all your fault. I told you to quit your job and stay home so that I pay you every month but you refused. You want to be an independent woman. Look at what your stubbornness has caused us.”

He was right. I partly blamed myself too. The doctors had told me that I would have to be on bed rest if I got pregnant. So Kwesi suggested that I quit my job as a preschool teacher and cut out that stress from my life. When I refused, he offered to pay me more than I earned. And what I earned every month was less than GHC500. I refused his offer too. I didn’t want to give up everything about myself just to settle down and start a family. The result of that was the miscarriage that happened.

Losing the pregnancy felt like losing a limb. It has taken a toll on me. The pain I felt during the process is forever seared in my mind. Sometimes I still feel the hurt. Kwesi wants us to try again for a baby but I am not ready. I am not psychologically and physically well enough to attempt another pregnancy. “Give me some time to heal first,” I told him, “I suggest we move on with our marriage plans. By the time the ceremony takes place, I would have fully recovered for us to try again.” He asked me, “And what do I do if after we get married you are not able to give me children? I want a family; a wife and kids. I can’t have one and not have the other. The only way I will feel secure marrying you is if you get pregnant, carry that pregnancy full term and deliver a baby.”

Contribute Financially If You Want Me To Help With House Chores | Beads Media


I tried to reason with him. I told him the first pregnancy was unplanned but I can’t intentionally get pregnant and have a baby for a man who has not married me yet. He told me, “I was ready to take a chance on you but you are too stubborn. You want to do what you want even if it’s difficult and I offer you the easy way out. How do I know this behavior won’t cost us more pregnancies? I won’t take that chance again.” I have been thinking a lot about what he said. He suggested that we can go our separate ways if I don’t want what he wants. We had planned to tie the knot this year but now we are at a standstill. My question is, what will you do if you were in my situation?

–Harriet

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.

#SB