I didn’t set out to be a single mum but life happens. One moment I was in the arms of someone I thought was the love of my life. He was telling me sweet nothings while I melted like goo. It was all honey and a taste of heaven until the baby arrived. That was when I found myself utterly alone. 

Life as a single mum hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been doing my best to hold it together for myself and my son. The struggles are many. The moment one thing is resolved, another one pops up. Of course, parenthood is like that; an ever-ending struggle of paying rent, covering school fees, and doing whatever I can to make sure my little family stays afloat. 

In everything, I am grateful that God has been good to us. He has been our shield and provider in times of need. I know that when it comes to all aspects of my life, he delivers in his own time. Which means I should trust Him at all times. That’s where the challenge is. I am not sure there is any hope for my love life at this point. 

Every time I give up on love and later decide to change my mind and give it another chance, I get disappointed. Last year, for instance, I thought I was done with love. I had given up on the idea of ever finding someone who would stay. Then, I met a guy from church. He wasn’t in my Assembly, but we became friends quickly. We bonded so well that I found myself saying, “Love is not so bad after all. Let me try again and see if this will work out.” 

The more time I spent with him the deeper I fell. This guy was sweet and caring. He made me feel things I hadn’t felt in years. I was completely wrapped up in his charm. I told myself, “The way things are going, I believe he is my last stop.” 

He was doing his national service at the time, so money was tight, but that didn’t matter to me. Love felt more important. I gave everything I could to make him happy. I was big on my love for him. I didn’t let him question if I cared. And I gave him gifts and money from the little I was earning. I didn’t mind sacrificing my comfort if it would make him happy. 

My friends tried to tell me I was doing too much for him but I was too in love to listen. Then I found out he was cheating. When I confronted him, he begged for forgiveness and promised to end things with the other lady. Truly he did it so I forgot about the cheating incident and we moved on. 

In the course of the relationship, we had a series of fights. Every time we made up, we came back stronger and more connected. Whenever he came back he told me, “You are everything I want in a woman, that’s why I keep coming back to you.” I also wanted it to be true so I held on to his words so strongly.

Sadly, time revealed that I made a mistake in trusting him. Just last week my world fell apart. I found out he was cheating on me again. This time around, it is with a girl from my church. I am a Sunday School teacher, and this girl is one of my Sunday school students. I couldn’t believe he would do this.

However, when I confronted him he didn’t deny it. He begged for another chance. He said he would end things with her, but then he admitted he had feelings for her as well as me. I couldn’t believe it. 

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When I spoke to the girl, she said she didn’t know he was my boyfriend. “I am sorry it came to this. I will leave him for you if you still want him. But if you decide not to date him again then I will stay with him.” Those words haunt me day and night. 

I didn’t like knowing that I was with a man who loved another girl so I decided to walk away. I told myself I deserved better. Let them have each other. Maybe it will bring me peace.

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This isn’t the first time I’ve been hurt like this. Heartbreak feels like a pattern in my life, and I’m tired. My spirit is weary, my soul feels broken, and my heart is bleeding. I don’t think I have the strength to keep trying.

Right now, I’ve given up on love. Even if God has someone out there for me, I don’t want it. I can’t do this anymore. I have my son, and he’s all I need. I’ll spend the rest of my life focusing on him. I will build a nice and quiet life for the two of us until he is old enough to live on his own. I think that is the most important thing right now.

— Eunice

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