In early 2020, during my church’s yearly fasting and prayers, I met this cute guy on my way home. We sat in the same troski, and he kept stealing glances at me from his seat beside the driver. I was sitting behind the driver so it was easy for me to spot it anytime he looked my way.  I kept wondering, “Does he know me from somewhere? Or I resemble some he knows?” I later concluded in my head, “Maybe, he might have mistaken me for someone he knows.”  I looked away anytime he looked at me. I was trying to ignore him but he kept trying to stare.

I alighted when the vehicle got to my stop. Surprisingly, this guy also got down at the exact location where I got down. I walked toward my house while trying not to look back. A few seconds later, I heard him saying hello from behind. I ignored him and kept going. His voice kept getting louder. It was obvious I was the one he was trying to call so I turned and looked at him. He smiled and signaled me to stop and wait for him. I waited until he caught up with me.

The conversation was brief. He introduced himself and said he wants to be friends with me. I introduced myself too and accepted his offer of friendship. We exchanged contacts, bade each other goodbye, and walked away.

We started talking every day. He would call in the morning to check up on me. In the afternoon, he called to ask how my day was going. In the evening too, he called. He would ask about my day, we’ll talk all night and later say goodnight to each other. Not too long afterward, he started expressing interest in me. I told him, “I’m not ready for that. It’s too soon.” I was being honest with him. I’ve had enough not to want a relationship at that moment but he was relentless. I pushed him away, especially when I realized that it was becoming easy for me to fall for him.  I kept saying no but each no I said pushed him to pursue harder. He won. I said yes to a relationship with him.

For two years we were going strong and happy until his attitude changed. I did no wrong and said nothing wrong. He just stopped calling. When I called, he didn’t answer. He ignored my texts too. I searched through my soul and questioned my actions over the week just to know what the cause would be. I couldn’t find any cause for his behavior. The next thing I should have done was to go to his house and ask what I’d done wrong. That was when it occurred to me that I didn’t know his house. We’d dated for over two years and he didn’t take me to his place even once. Every time I asked to visit him, he would give excuses and later end up visiting me. I never met anyone in his life. Not a friend, certainly not family. In those moments when he was ghosting me, I sat to think about our relationship, and I concluded that he didn’t love me, as much as he said he did.

I decided to put him to a test and see how his reaction would be. I sent him a text, “Babe, I just found out that I’m pregnant.” Like a rat being smoked out of its hole, he called me immediately. I said, “Mmhh Hmm…Tell me what’s on your mind. What do we do?” He didn’t go straight to the point but he painted a gloomy picture for me to know what he thinks about the pregnancy. He said, “My parents wouldn’t want me to have a baby with a woman I’m not married to. They would be so disappointed in me. Apart from that, I don’t even earn enough money at my job to take care of a child. You should know what we are getting ourselves into.”

For a whole week, he kept going around and around about his job and his parents’ unwillingness to accept a child out of wedlock. I told him, “I know you don’t love me anymore. Everything you’ve done over these few days goes to prove that you have nothing left in your heart for me. For your information, I’m not pregnant. I faked the pregnancy to know your intentions toward me. You didn’t disappoint me. Well done.” He got angry and said a lot of hurtful things to me. He called me names I’d never been called before. He filled my heart with regrets—regrets for saying yes to a man like him.

After that encounter, we didn’t talk for a long while. I convinced myself that I was done with him. Just when I was trying to heal and move on, he reappeared. He came asking for forgiveness. The woman in me still had a soft spot for him and the kind of heart I had believed that he could be a changed person so I accepted his apology. When love is involved, logic diminishes. Common sense flies out of the window. It’s the reason why we keep falling for those who hurt us continuously.

Our new beginning wasn’t different from the past. It was like we picked things up right from where we left off. He didn’t change. He went back to not calling and not texting. He only spoke to me when he felt like it. He only felt like talking to me when he needed my help. I convinced myself, “At least, he needs me.”

At some point, he never answered my calls, neither did he call me. I got suspicious that he was either married or he was in a serious relationship. How could he come and beg me to take him back only for him to go back to being worse? Who does that? I called him one day and asked, “What’s going on with this relationship? Are we heading somewhere? Is there hope for people like us?” He was so silent I thought he was no longer on the phone. When he finally spoke, he said, “We will talk about it when I come over.” He never came.

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Weeks later, I called to prank him again. After all, I only got a good reaction from him only when I pranked him. I told him, “A friend of mine has proposed marriage to me. I couldn’t accept it because I’m with you. I told him the same thing too.” He got angry, “Someone proposed marriage to you and you are bold enough to tell me? You’ve already decided to marry him. Go ahead and marry him then. Why are you telling me?”

I didn’t understand his actions. He acted like he didn’t want me but I mentioned another man and he was all over the place acting as if he did care. I told him, “If you are serious about me, prove it. Let it show in your actions. Let it show in the ways you treat me. Let it show in everything.  I can’t be with someone who refuses to communicate.” He agreed with me and said he would do better. He didn’t. If anything at all, he got worse.

A month or so later, he came to me with a long face telling me that he has something to discuss with me. I asked what and he said, “Before I met you, I was dating someone else.  We were about to get married when something came up to destroy our present and future plans. I was hurt but when I met you, I healed and moved on. That woman is back in my life again, and I still love her. We are picking up the pieces. Picking it from where we left off two years ago. Plans have been made. Our marriage plan is back on track. Very soon we would be married. I’m sorry it had to come to this. I am telling you so you won’t hear it from somewhere else and think bad of me.”

Nothing I say will capture the pain I felt that day. He tried to say things to soothe the pain. Things like, “The love I have for her isn’t that strong. I’m only praying about it and see if it will work out between us.”

I’m a quiet and reserved person. I go about my business without interfering in anyone’s business. You’ll think someone like me should have some luck with men or relationships. All my relationships have failed miserably. I didn’t do anything to deserve such heartbreaks. All the same, I won’t give up. I will continue to pray and wait on God for the perfect man.

–Aba

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