Growing up, I had so much fear for boys. I was not abused by any boy. Neither was I surrounded by abusive men. Considering my family situation, I should have a healthy relationship with boys. However, I couldn’t bring myself to want them anywhere near me. I wouldn’t even play with them. Sometimes my friends would ask, “Why don’t you want to be friends with boys?” And I would shrug, “I don’t find them safe.”

It didn’t help matters that I attended girls’ schools from JHS to SHS. I have spent enough time around beautiful girls to know that I am not attracted to girls. I had only three friends throughout my school days. And they helped me both spiritually and academically. We had a bit of friendly competition, which challenged me to always be the first in my class.

After high school, I had to stay home for a year before going to university. During this time, I received a call from a strange guy. He said he was looking for Ama. “My name is not Ama, it must be a wrong number,” I told him. Instead of him to hung up he said, “Okay, but may I know your name? I want us to be friends.” I blatantly refused and hung up.

Another time I was there when he called again. I recognized his voice so I firmly said, “This is a wrong number.” He answered, “Yes I know, but can you tell me the alphabetical construction of your human identity?” I scrunched my face and thought, “Who talks like that? I don’t even think ancient people spoke this kind of English.” I didn’t answer him. I just hung up.

He didn’t stop there. He continued to call me until I blocked him. That didn’t stop him either. He called me with another number. When I realized it was him I blocked that number too. He was determined to talk to me so he called me again with a new number. No boy had ever gotten under my skin the way this boy did. I was so annoyed by him but I decided to hear him out.

I talked to him and he didn’t seem so bad. We became friends despite my best efforts to keep him at arm’s length. I am not the type easily swayed by material things but I remember that he used to send me GHC5 airtime every week. It wasn’t the value of the airtime but the thought behind it. It touched my heart to the extent that I fell in love with him.

He’s a mechanic and he is my boyfriend now. His major fear in the relationship is that I would leave him for someone better. I always assure him that I am not going anywhere but he still has his insecurities. Because of this, I am always praying that we end up together. He prays about us too.

When we started dating I asked him to wait for me to complete the university before we get intimate, and he agreed. This guy is a bad boy so he knows how to get a woman hot and bothered. So when I was in school, he would employ all his skills in an attempt to seduce me but I wouldn’t feel anything.

I thought things would change after I complete the university so I wasn’t bothered at first. But now I am done with school. He tries every means possible to have shuperu with me, but even when I let him have his way, I don’t feel anything. He is worried about the way I don’t respond to his touch. However, he is not willing to leave me because of this. In fact he’s planning for us to get married. It is me who is scared.

What if even after marriage, his touch doesn’t arouse me? Although I don’t enjoy intimacy with him, I do whatever he asks me to do to him. It seems I am only interested in giving him pleasure. I wish I could also enjoy the things we do.

Whenever we are going to meet, I psyche myself. I imagine all the naughty things we would do and I prepare myself for it. I even get wet with anticipation. However, I dry up the moment he touches me. And then I lose interest in getting intimate with him? Am I sick for being this way?

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Sometimes I wonder if I did this to myself. When I was in the university, I was scared I would get pregnant. I had a lot of family members who would be happy if that happened. So I strongly shut my mind to shuperu to the point where I never felt any desire to do it. When my friends talked about ovulation horniness, I couldn’t relate. Because I felt nothing at all. I was happy when things were like that, but now I am worried.

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Do I have a psychological problem? Maybe my mind hasn’t come to terms with the fact that things have changed. I wish there was a way I could understand what my body is experiencing.

My boyfriend has a high sex drive and I want to be able to fulfil all his needs when we get married. Is there anything I can do to make myself feel and enjoy his touch? Please help me.

—Dedewisi

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