He told me he was a traditional man. I asked what that meant, and he said he liked to be in charge and also take care of his woman. “I’m the leader,” he told me. “I lead, I provide. You follow, you support, and be a woman.”

I didn’t have a problem with that, so I said yes to his proposal. For the next three months, all was well. He showed he could lead. He also showed he could provide, so I came to the table with all the support he needed from me.

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There was a conversation he initiated. According to him, he was serious about marrying me and needed to have that discussion. He asked me, “If I accidentally cheat after marriage, what would be your response?”

I didn’t mince words. I responded, “No buts or maybes—I will walk away without looking back.”

He asked, “What if I tell you I want that woman to be a second wife?”

I answered, “That’s even worse. I can’t share, so I can’t live in such an arrangement.”

He thanked me before bringing the conversation to an end.

Little did I know, the end of that conversation was actually the end of our relationship. After ghosting and playing hide-and-seek with me for a while, he came clean and said I didn’t align with his dreams for the future, so he couldn’t continue the relationship. I thanked him for being frank with me and walked away.

We’re talking about a big man here, ooo. A whole MD of a big institution. Forty years old and already with two kids.

Two months after the breakup, he popped up, showering me with gifts and trying to suck me back into the relationship we had both agreed to let go of. I asked if he had changed his stance. He told me, “You’re letting an honest man go because he told you the truth? You prefer a man who won’t tell you the truth but will cheat with other women?”

I Never Paid Fees Again Until I Completed School

He nearly got me with that one, but knowing who I am and what I want from a relationship, I knew the two of us wouldn’t work—even if he told me he had changed his stance. So, I said no to him that day, said no again weeks later, and I continue to say no to him. He’s kind and all that, but such an arrangement won’t work for me. I’ve told him to find someone else. He asked me, “Who is that someone else?”

I don’t know, but I believe there are plenty out there.

—Erica

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