I work in one of the renowned banks in Ghana. I am not wealthy but I earn enough to live comfortably. If I get married today, I know I have the means to bring something to the table financially.  I am currently thirty-two with a thriving career so the next thing on my mind is marriage. I have a man who is thirty-three. Unlike me, he is not anyone’s employee. He runs his own business, and it’s a successful one. So money is not a problem for him.

We’ve been together for almost three years now. I know he is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. He also tells me I am his dream woman. So why are we not married yet? My boyfriend is the problem. He insists we are not financially sound enough to get married. He is an ambitious young man, I understand. It is one of the things I love about him. But must we gather all the money in the world before we settle down and start a family?

It isn’t that he doesn’t make money, he does. He just prefers to invest whatever he earns into properties in Accra. I have never heard him say, “I have gotten hold of this money so I am saving it for our marriage.” It’s always acquiring one property after the other.

He is not a bad person. He is good to me. The car I drive was given to me by him. I understand that he is able to do these things because he works hard. No one I have met is more serious about life than he is. That is why it bothers me that he makes no attempt for us to tie the knot. Marriage is considered one of the serious businesses of life so it shouldn’t be too much of a hustle for him to make that kind of commitment, right?

I know people who don’t earn up to what we do but they are married and raising beautiful families. Every weekend, we would visit a site he is building on. Instead of, “Let’s go and see your family,” all we have is, “Let’s go and buy land in this new area.” I know he shows me all of it so I would be proud of him but it’s beginning to get on my nerves. Sometimes when he is talking about his possessions, I get annoyed and hurt. I am not getting any younger, you know.

My family knows him. They know he is my boyfriend because he is the only man I entertain. Last year my father asked him, “What are your intentions for my daughter?” He assured my dad that he was putting things together to do the needful. Now we are in a new year. The first quarter is almost over but this gentleman hasn’t made any move.

Now, my family is throwing all their questions at me. “What exactly are you two doing that you still haven’t taken your relationship further?”

“What are your plans?” Someone would ask.

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“Are you sure he will marry you?” Another would question. A question I cannot answer, because I myself am not sure if he will marry me. So far I haven’t seen any signs to prove that we are heading in that direction. My family thinks they are being subtle about their questioning but I even feel more pressured by them.

I would have felt less pressured if I didn’t have a man; because that would mean I would look in the direction of all the suitors I keep turning away. I already have a man, and I don’t know how to be with more than one person so he is all I have. What if I wait and wait but the marriage never happens? I would have wasted all the time I could use to meet someone new with him. All those visits we made to sites on weekends and holidays would become wasted efforts. Sometimes when he is embarking on these projects, my money gets involved. That’s also something I am concerned about.

There are days that I just want to cut my losses and walk away, because of all these uncertainties. Even if he will marry me, the question is when? When we are both wrinkled and gray? Or when I hit menopause? When I think about it, I become unhappy and moody. Even when he hasn’t offended me, I am ready for a fight. And his conversations begin to bore me, especially when he starts talking about land and building sites. I just tune him out.

However, there are also times when I want to be patient with him, and let him do things in his own time. After all, he said everything he is doing is for our future and that of our unborn children. Is it a good idea to wait a little longer? Or it’s never going to happen so I should move on? If anyone has experienced this before, kindly share your experience with me. I need counsel.

—Lana

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