I have a very loving and caring husband. Ever since I got pregnant, he has been the best. I am not kidding. We both have demanding jobs but he makes it a point to be constantly present for me. He would cook my meals, and fetch water for me to bathe. Even when I tell him, “Don’t worry. I can do it by myself,” he would respond, “I know you can but allow me to take care of you.” He treats me like a porcelain doll. This is why I am also devoted to him.
We share everything including our finances. By this, I am not trying to say that we share a joint account. However, we are very open with each other when it comes to money. He knows what I earn at the end of the month just as I know how much he brings home. When I draw my budget, he knows what’s on it. When I put aside money for savings, he is aware of it.
When we found out we were having a baby, he talked about us starting a business. Something to bring in extra income. I agreed. He thought about ideas and finally settled on starting a Mobile Money business. I said it was good. “People are always performing mobile money transactions so it’s a relevant business,” I encouraged.
He doesn’t have all the money he needs to start. So he asked me to give him some money to top up the amount he has saved up for the merchant SIM. Now, let me clarify that this business is not a joint venture. It’s solely his. And the money I am giving him is not an investment. It’s a gift.
Regardless, I know he is my husband so I agreed to give it to him. After all, what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine. That’s what marriage is about, isn’t it?
The guy working on the SIM said he needs a business certificate first. That’s what my husband is currently trying to get. As soon as it’s ready, I will give him the money he asked me. However, before I do that I need to get opinions on something I discovered while I was going through his phone the other day.
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I stumbled on the forms he filled out for the business certificate. I didn’t mean to snoop but I was curious. I didn’t even know what name he chose for the registration until I saw the forms. That had me reading everything. When I got to the part of “Next of kin,” I automatically expected to see my name. So imagine the depth of my disappointment when I saw his brother’s name there.
I didn’t say anything to him about it but I haven’t felt right since that day. I feel betrayed somehow. I am his wife. I am carrying his child. What other box am I supposed to tick to be considered his family? This is a man I share everything with. That’s why I don’t understand why he chose his brother to be the next of kin for his business. A business I am supposed to add my money to.
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If he has more trust for his elder brother than he has for me then what does he need my money for? Shouldn’t he be taking his brother’s money instead? After this discovery, I am reluctant to give him the money as promised. I know he is a good husband but this single act of his has put a wet blanket on everything I once believed about us.
I am sitting here wondering if I am overthinking the whole situation. Or if my concerns are indeed valid. Am I a bad wife if I refuse to help him pay for the SIM because I am not his next of kin for the business? I would like to hear your thoughts so I know which steps to take.
— Amanda
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#SB
My sister this is outright betrayal and disrespect. This shows malice. Meaning he loves you because of your money. He doesn’t love you genuinely because if he did he will write the name of your child as his next of kin even if he doesn’t trust you. He writing your name or that of the child shows he is securing your future and how high he holds you in esteem. Don’t mind him. Don’t give him anything. If he thinks he can take you for a fool then you are way ahead of him. Sister from hence forth make sure to reveal less of your finances to him except for the ones in which you have agree due to contributing something home. Due to this wickedness That’s why Africans are suffering. Please if you have made your husband your next of kin on any document please change it and make it that of your children at least the probability of them betraying you is nil or less. Now shine your eye.
This is not as ominous as you make it sound. In Akan culture, his junior brother IS indeed his next of kin. His family will choose him as heir if he were to pass away. That does not preclude him from making a will and giving his property to you or anyone else. If you are done snooping, engage him now on what you saw. The way you describe him, I’m sure he will be shocked at your concerns.
Yes, you might be overthinking it. While you should have been the next-of-kin, people (including the educated) sometimes don’t give weight to it. We consider it to be part of a form to fill. So, before you conclude and agree with strangers telling you your husband has betrayed you, sit down with him and ask him why he did what he did and how it bothers you.
He’s a good man, don’t lose him over a business yet to see the first GHS 1 profit.
My sister you’re not overthinking, use that money to start your own business, how sure are we about other properties and stuffs, don’t be more disappointed in the future, make your own properties and investments,and use your children as next of kin
DEAR Amanda, your concerns are valid, infact u should be his next of kin, I advice u discuss it with him without hard feelings. He might have a genuine reason for his action or it might be as a result of the fact that his brother has always been his next of kin. He needs to change that. This should not be a problem in your marriage and please give him the money.