I knew Lawrence for many years before we decided to date. He was that friend everyone thought I was dating when we didn’t have anything going on. I visited him often, watched movies in his room until it was late. Sometimes I cooked for the two of us. We lived like an ideal couple but there was nothing going on. I liked him as a friend and that was just that.

I didn’t know at what point his feelings toward me changed. It got to a point where he always wanted to say something but didn’t have the courage to say it. I told him, “Say it. You won’t die. Can I kill you for saying your mind?” Then one afternoon while in his house he told me, “I’ve held on for so long not because I’m scared. I just don’t want to lose what we already have.” I asked, “What are you talking about?” He said, “I want us to be more than we are now.” I said, “More than we are now should make us a married couple because I don’t know where else we can go from here.”

He said, “At least you should accept my proposal first. We can’t be a married couple without you accepting my proposal.” I asked, “So are you proposing to me?” He said, “Yes, this is my proposal.” I asked, “You mean it? Is it coming from your heart or you want us to date just because everyone is calling us lovers?” He said, “I mean it. I want us to date. I’ve always loved the idea of you being the woman I will marry in the future.” I didn’t want to accept his proposal. I thought of all the things people have said about us. The lies they’ve spread about us and all. I said to myself, “If I accept his proposal, then it means what everyone said was true.”

I told him to give me some time but I liked him. I really loved his person, that’s why I always wanted to be with him. So, a few days later, I went to him and ask, “So where do we go from here?” He said, “What do you mean?” I said, “Now that I’m your girlfriend, what next?” He answered, “Let’s leave it to time.”

Largely we were happy. Nothing changed about us. There was nothing we did that we didn’t do when we were just friends. I was always with him and that didn’t change. I cooked and we ate, that too didn’t change. People gossiped about us, that too didn’t change.

We were in the second year of our relationship when Lawrence got an opportunity to travel. I don’t remember the details but I remember he told me his uncle worked something out for him in the UK so he had to go and do his master’s program in the UK. I was so happy for him and also happy for myself knowing I was going to have a boyfriend who lived abroad. He made a lot of promises; “I’m going to study for two years. Immediately after that, I will get a job and come for you.” I said, “I can’t wait.”

He asked, “Where do you want us to have our wedding, here or in the UK?” I said, “Wedding in Ghana? Tofiakwa! Dear, let’s do it in the UK.” All our dreams moved from being local to international. Talk about exported dreams and you’ll be talking about us. A week before he left, he took me to the beach. While walking in the sands and enjoying the sound of the waves, he pulled a ring out of his pocket. He said, “A promise ring. I don’t want anyone to take you away from me when I’m gone and it’s also a promise that no matter what, I will come for you.”

The ring looked nice and the gesture felt surreal but I couldn’t feel good about it. I asked, “So how long am I going to wear this?” He said, “As long as we are together. I’m kicking all these vampires of men away from you.” I said, “It’s nice but I can’t wear it.” He asked, “Why?” I said, “I don’t know why but I don’t feel good about it. Maybe if it was a wedding ring, I would have felt better but a promise ring?” He asked, “You don’t believe me?” I said, “I believe you and I want you to extend that same belief in me. I won’t cheat. I won’t look at another man. I will be faithful and I don’t need a ring on my finger to be faithful, trust me.”

He said, “Well, I can’t force it on your finger.”

From there the outing turned sour. He wasn’t happy that I rejected the ring. I said everything I had to say to put him at ease but he never was happy. We left the beach and went home with sad faces. A week later, he traveled. I was with him at the airport. We held hands as if he didn’t want to let me go. When the time came, he hugged and ran off. I cried a little. I was going to miss him.

Two years later, his course was done. He said he was going to come back to Ghana the following month but it didn’t happen. He said he was going to come the following year, it didn’t happen. I asked about us and what the future holds. He said he was getting ready to come and marry me. He wasn’t specific. He spoke with a lot of doubt in his voice. As if he didn’t know what next for him.

Just around that time, Joe was also around the corner knocking on my door. I told him off several times but he kept coming. At some point, he became the bird in hand that they say was worth thousands in the forest so I decided to give him a chance but on one condition; “No sex until we marry.” He accepted. He said, “I’m not rushing. I’m here for good.” While dating Joe, I was holding on to Lawrence’s promises. Another year, Another disappointment. Lawrence couldn’t come to Ghana as he promised so I decided to give my all to Joe and see what happened.

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A year later, he said, “Let’s get married.” I said, “I’m ready.” I told Lawrence, “I’m getting married very soon.” He said, “If that’s your way of telling me to come, then I’m coming back to Ghana. I’ve already bought my ticket and everything. I wanted to be sure before telling you.” I said, “I’m not joking. I’m getting married. He said, “I’m not joking, I’m coming to Ghana on the 11th March. I told him, “I’m getting married on the 11th March. He said, “Tell me you are joking.” I told him, “I’m very serious.” He went quiet. He said, “You’ve killed my dreams.” I said, “The dream wasn’t clear.”

On the 11th March 2017, I got married but guess what, Lawrence didn’t come to Ghana. It was another attempt to keep me waiting for him. Just three months after I got married, he too got married to a lady he said he met while in school. I asked him, “So you were there with her when you were giving me fake promises?” He said, “That’s not the case. It was always you. I only married her because you got married.”

Lies we tell to the running rivers.

He came to Ghana a year later and this guy was doing everything to get at me again. He mentioned two different hotels he wanted me to meet him. He said he brought me phones and clothes so I should meet him at the hotel and get it. That night he texted, “I can’t wait for us to do the things we used to do.” I blocked his line. Blocked him on Facebook and blocked him out of my life.

–Abey

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