I was in a relationship that lasted for three years, five months, and fifteen days. The first year of the relationship was great, but as time went on we started having issues.

I believe as adults we should sit and talk about our problems. My boyfriend didn’t see it that way. Rather than have adult conversations and resolve our issues, he would give me the silent treatment. This man could go for months without talking to me. I would have to call and text him over and over again before he would agree to talk to me.

Mind you, this person I am talking about is not a child. He is twelve years older than me. When it came to relationships, he was more experienced than me. He had been in multiple relationships but they all didn’t work. As for me, he was my first.

I didn’t want to go into multiple relationships before I settle down. So I was trying as much as I could to make it work between us. Whenever we have problems I would be the peacemaker.

He was smooth. I was sure I belonged to him. And even when I had doubts I asked him, “Do you still love me?” Each time I asked him he calmly told me, “Yes babe.” There was no room for doubt in my heart. I believed every word he said hook, line, and sinker.

Despite all the love I had for him, we broke up in April this year. This was after I found messages on his phone between him and my best friend. He used endearing words on her. He was even sending her money. I was shattered to find this.

I didn’t know what to think. I was almost in tears but I had to hold myself together. I called him and asked, “Is there anything going on between you and Jade?” I didn’t tell him anything about the messages.

I just told him I noticed the closeness between them and wanted to know if there was anything going on. He started gaslighting me. He told me I didn’t trust him. “How could I think that of him?” Blah blah blah blah.

I didn’t want to upset him. So I apologized and told him I was only clarifying things. However, I knew the truth already. It became clear to me then that he had only been using me.

We tried to get past it but we couldn’t. We broke up after a series of back-and-forths. It’s been eight months since the breakup. I thought I had gotten over the situation until recently.

We belong to the same church choir community. I tried countless times to avoid talking to him, but he manages to find a way to talk to me every single time.

In order not to look like the problem in our shared community, I indulge him and talk to him only when necessary.

He offered me a ride on Saturday in the presence of a lot of our choir members. I didn’t want to be rude so I couldn’t turn him down. Now, I realize how foolishly I behaved.

He unlocked his phone to access his Google map. Only for me to see my friend on his wallpaper. The one he cheated on me with.

This was the same person I asked countless times to make me his wallpaper, but he said he couldn’t do that. His phone is for official purposes. “It’s not a good look for people to see my girlfriend on the wallpaper.”

READ ALSO: Reaction: My Dad Is Dead But I’m Not Sad Because He Killed My Love Life

That image I saw threw me into another pool of depression. I felt so hurt, betrayed, and sad.

Before I found messages of him hitting on her, I had noticed their closeness and I asked him if she was someone he could ever be in a relationship with. His response was: “She’s good and all, but certainly not my kind of woman. She is fun to have around, but certainly not someone to date.”

How a Long-Distance Relationship Unveiled His Double Life

Yet, he used her as his phone’s wallpaper. Suddenly, his phone is no longer for official purposes only.

I feel really hurt and the fact that I get to see him every now and then hurts more. I feel like hurting him too but I know that’s not constructive.

Psychology says it takes three months to know a person’s true intentions towards you. But how could I have been blind for over three years? How do I move past this?

— Greta

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at submissions@silentbeads.com. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB