When he texts me and finds me online, he gets angry. He would say things like, “I am leaving you so you chat with whoever has your attention right now.” I dare not reply to his texts a few seconds after he has sent them. If I don’t reply to his text immediately after he sends them, all hell will break loose. We all walked into the relationship having had a past, but James never healed from his previous relationship.

He brought his baggage into our relationship and I was the one who suffered for it. He has certain expectations that are just unrealistic. He expected me to chat with only him. Meanwhile, at the time we started dating, I didn’t have a job. It was necessary for me to constantly talk to people so they would fit me somewhere good. How was I supposed to do that without chatting with these people? I explained this to James but he still had problems with it.

Whatever his problem was, I never found out. All I understood was that I was only allowed to be online if he was online and if he went offline, I had to do the same. If I was on a call with him and he heard a noise, he would accuse me of bringing someone into my room. “Let’s have a video call so you can show me your room. I want to know that you’re alone in that room.” I frown on cheating. I also know that my man has trust issues. So why would I cheat?

I assured James countless times, “You have nothing to fear when it comes to me and other men. I am not that kind of person. You have to trust me. Without trust, this relationship will fail.” Nothing I said went into his head. He continued to monitor me as if he was a spirit. I was hurt knowing that my boyfriend did not trust me.

One day he lied to me to get me to come to a place. I honored his invitation with no knowledge he had his own intentions. Out of nowhere, he said he needed my phone to make a call. I have a habit of clearing old messages, pictures, and Google searches just to save space on my phone. James didn’t know this about me.

When I gave him my phone, he turned on my data despite the fact that I had not been online yet. My attention was on other matters when he brought the phone back to me. “I couldn’t make the phone call,” he said, “Can you unlock it again for me to use?” He was acting suspicious about something but I went ahead to unlock the phone.

It was then I realized that this guy was trying to link my WhatsApp to his device. I didn’t understand why he would do such a thing. Whatever he was on a mission to find, I had no idea. A friend had sent a follow-up voice note asking that I teach him how to perform a task. There was nothing incriminating in his message but knowing James, he would get upset that a man had sent me a voice note. So I deleted it.

While I was still holding my phone, James sent me a text. “Please, I need your phone back. I still haven’t made that call.” I went to him and returned my phone to him. I asked if he was trying to link my WhatsApp account to his phone. This guy shook his head vigorously to say no. I told him, “I know that was what you were doing. If you had told me the truth I would have helped you.” When I finished talking, he asked for my password. I didn’t give it to him. I only unlocked the phone for him to make his call.

Later, he brought me my phone telling me he had a fight with me. I was confused but before I could ask what was going on, he started asking me lots of questions. The first one was, “Why did you receive a recorded message this early morning?” After I answered him he asked again, “Why did you delete the text?” He then concluded that I was a dishonest person. I had to exchange embarrassing texts with him in an attempt to prove that I am honest.

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I know it looked bad but all his accusations were not true. I didn’t deny the fact that the recorded message I received was a follow-up message and I told him I’m used to clearing some messages that are no longer of use to me. I further explained that I do this only to save space. I also let him understand that I deleted the message because I didn’t want him to see it and cause problems. I just wanted to avoid any misunderstanding.

To prove that I was not doing anything wrong, I asked my friend to resend the voice note he sent earlier. He did it but still, James was convinced I was hiding something from him.

Call Your Ex And Ask Why It Didn’t Work Out Between You Two

He accused me again of not being honest. He called me a backstabber. “You brought a third person into our relationship. You disguised him as an old friend but I see through your act. After everything I have seen, I can’t be with you anymore. It’s over. I’m done.” I’m hurt because all of his accusations are not true.

He deleted our messages on WhatsApp and blocked me everywhere. I have put in too much effort in this relationship to just walk away. Two years is not an easy journey. I want to reach out to him and try to make things right, but I don’t know how to. What should I do?

—Afia

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