The moment I picked the call he said, “My name is Gideon. I saw your photo on your sister’s phone congratulating you for completing school. So I decided to take your number and also congratulate you.” As soon as he finished that line, I hung up and blocked him. Maybe I should have waited for the call to end naturally, but I didn’t want to entertain any man at that time. I just wanted to focus on what was next. Besides, why was it necessary for my sister’s friend who I had never met to call me to congratulate me?
My sister lived in Accra while I lived in our hometown with my mother. However, after school I moved to Accra to live with her. Our relationship as sisters was good. I looked up to her. I knew she wanted me to do well in life, so I took her advice on every aspect of my life.
Within the first week of my stay with her, she told me, “My friend called you and you blocked him. He says he likes you. At least unblock him and get to know him before you write him off.” I thought about what she said and concluded, “Maybe I was too hasty in my decision not to talk to him.” So I took him off my block list.
He was very open with me about his life. He was a fuel station attendant who had dreams of enlisting in the military. I liked his vibe. He had this carefree way about him that made his company fun. By the time he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was head over heels in love with him. My sister assured me he was a good guy. “Why not?” I thought, “I will give him a chance.”
A year into the relationship, I found out I was pregnant. It was shortly after he returned from military training. When I told him about the pregnancy, he was supportive. “I plan to marry you soon so have the baby,” he said. I informed my family and he broke the news to his. The plan was to wait until after delivery to start with marriage preparations.
All of a sudden, my boyfriend started acting busy. He wouldn’t answer my calls for days. He would read my texts but not respond for days. When he finally showed up, he would offer no logical explanations for his absence. I was worried but I hung on to hope that things would turn out eventually.
The pregnancy took a toll on my physical health. I had to be on admission at the hospital at a point. When I called this guy to tell him, he only said okay. We were both here in Accra but he never visited me. He didn’t even call to ask how I was doing. When I called too, he ignored my calls. All my attempts not to stress myself emotionally were foiled by his neglect.
A few days after I was discharged, Gideon posted a woman’s photo on his WhatsApp status. My problem was not the photo. It was the caption that caught my attention. “Wishing you a speedy recovery, love.” I thought I didn’t read it right. I read it again and again and each time, the words cut into my heart like a blade.
I took a screenshot of the post and sent it to my sister. She didn’t know what was going on either. “Let me talk to him and get back to you,” she assured me. The next thing I knew, I overheard my sister talking to my mother about me. I don’t know what Gideon said to her but it was obvious she took his side. I didn’t hear the conversation clearly but I caught a few words that implied they were insulting me. “She chose to go and get pregnant so she should give birth.” This sentence continues to play in my mind today.
In my sixth month, it was discovered that someone infected me with asram (a spiritual illness). My father is a herbalist so he was the one who worked on a cure for me. One of the ingredients he needed was seawater. I asked Gideon to get it for me but he couldn’t be bothered. I had to rely on someone else to help me.
Along the line, I found out from his ex (she was the one who contacted me) that Gideon was doubting the paternity of the baby. He said I must have been pregnant before he returned from camp so the baby was not his. He was waiting for me to deliver so he could do a DNA test to prove his claims.
That explained the reason he withdrew from me. But if he had doubts, couldn’t we have talked about it? I was sad to hear that he went running to his ex about something as delicate as this. Ever since he came into my life, I never looked at another man. I have only been with him. Did he not know me at all? When I asked him about it he said the dates of his return and the the pregnancy didn’t add up.
After the baby was born, he couldn’t bring up the topic of DNA. The child looked exactly like him. He has a birthmark on his buttocks. The baby has the same birthmark on her buttocks too. This silenced his doubts but it did not change his attitude.
Our little precious is nine months old now. Gideon is almost done buying the items on the marriage list. Both our families are anticipating the marriage to happen. It appears I am the only one who isn’t excited about the prospect of marrying him. That’s because he still ghosts me from time to time. Apart from that, he is entertaining his ex and another girl who seems to be his new girlfriend. He has denied ever being involved with anyone else apart from me but I don’t believe him.
He keeps telling me he will change but I believe the harm has already been done. All the love I had for him died when he changed into someone I couldn’t recognize anymore. Besides, I don’t think this side of him will ever go away completely. He will not change so it means I should expect him to continue even after marriage. How can I in good conscience do this to myself?
I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It
I have tried to broach the subject with my family but they won’t hear of it. “You have a child together,” they said, “it’s best that he marries you. This way your family will not be scattered.” I confided in a close friend. She asked if I was sure I truly did not love him anymore. “Maybe you haven’t gotten over the way he behaved so take your time before you decide if this is something you want,” she advised.
I believe this is what I want but a part of me is scared that calling off the marriage will be a big mistake. I am yet to discuss this with Gideon as I am yet to make a decision. What do you advise I do? I don’t want to do anything I might regret later.
—Adepa Serwaa
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Once a cheat always a cheat. Don’t get married to him. You will live to regret it. Stand up for yourself. Don’t listen to anyone because at the end of the day you are the only one who knows how intense the fire burning you is. Precious can still have both parents her life . Set up a good example for her teaching yourself and her not to accept disrespect, lies or less In the name of love. You have experience the genesis of the marriage despite not being married. Hmm a word to a wise is enough.