He didn’t think I would find out everything that was going on in our relationship. I am sure if it ever occurred to him that I could uncover the truth, he would have tried harder to cover his tracks. And now that the light of truth has shown me all that lay hidden, the relationship is no longer the same.
I know I was crazy about him before all the revelation. I was sure that he was also very much in love with me. His parents have met me. There was no indication that they did not approve of me. If anything, I would say I felt welcomed in their midst. With the kind of acceptance they gave me and the way I was sure of our love, I used to say, “As for this relationship, nothing can break us apart.”
I wish while I was building our future in my mind, someone would have pinched me really hard and told me that I was in for a rude awakening. Maybe if I saw signs or had a flicker of doubt in my heart that our relationship was not as solid as I believed, I would have built some shield to guard my heart from this ache.
Imagine finding out that your two-year relationship was built on a lie. Honestly, I was not certain I would find anything when I decided to read his chat with his best friend. A part of it was curiosity. The other part had to do with the fact that some of his actions did not add up. I knew he wouldn’t be forthcoming with answers if I asked him. So I chose to dig for information myself.
The first thing I uncovered was that he was cheating on me with a lady he swore was his ex. They were not just having a little fling on the side, no. They had an actual relationship. How he managed to keep two seemingly thriving relationships going is beyond me. We had been through so much together that I wouldn’t have suspected he shared love and intimate moments with another woman while I was still in the picture. And that’s not even the worst of it.
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It turns out Kofi’s father wants him to be with the other lady instead of me. However, he was undecided about letting me go because of his mother. His mother likes me. He told his friend, “My mother says she wants her as a daughter-in-law. That’s why she is still around.” How would you feel if your boyfriend’s mother is the reason you still have a relationship?
In case you are wondering which of us Kofi wants for himself, it’s the other lady. Outside his parents’ influence, he said in their chat that he would not marry me. When his friend asked why, his reason was, “I don’t want to marry a woman who is older than me.” He even lied that the age gap between us is one year, but it’s more than that. According to the chat, this same age gap is the reason his father doesn’t like me.
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Learning that we were not in the relationship alone was hurtful, yes. Finding out that his father prefers the other lady was disappointing, sure. However, what broke me the most was the certainty with which he said he would not marry me. All I kept thinking about was, if this guy knew all along that we had no future together then why did he make me believe we did?
When I pulled myself together, I asked him why he lied to me and strung me along for two years if he knew my age was a dealbreaker for him. He said, “Just because you read my conversations doesn’t mean you know my intentions. Right now I can’t tell you my next plan. All you need to know is that you are the one I love.” The thing is, I don’t believe him anymore. How can I, after everything I have seen?
I have decided to stay away from him but he has been calling me and sending me messages. He says he is sorry and that it was all a mistake. He didn’t mean to get involved with the other lady, among other things. I am also too hurt to entertain the idea of him. I don’t think I can get past this and be with him. I just want to find a way to heal and move on. Am I being unreasonable?
— Etor
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Please move on . Trust what you see. If possible block him. He is a man-child. Thank God for this revelation.
By the special grace of God, you’ve seen what is on their heart. Yet you’re asking if you’re being unreasonable? Be there and don’t go!
I can see you have the heart for shege!
You are being reasonable dear,pls move on, I pray the right man comes asap
You are not being unreasonable Etor. You are older than him. That will never ever change. If he is uncomfortable about that now, and even has to lie to his best friend about the age gap, he will never ever be comfortable. You see the thing is, the issue of age gap shouldn’t even come in for it to be a matter of discussion between parents and son, friends, etc. If you were younger, no one would even think twice about your age and it would never come up anywhere. The fact that it’s a matter for discussion between father and son, and friend and friend, means it’s just something he cannot be cool with. I believe you bring certain things to the table which is why his mum prefers you. I also believe it isvthese same things you bring to the table which is why he seems not to want to let you go, and not because he loves you or wants to be with you. He is enjoying the benefits for now. But remember his mum is not the one you are marrying. So wise up.
Age gap issues will really rear their head as you get older if you stick with him. Peri- menopause where your libido will most likely become low as your body prepares for menopause whilst his libido will remain unchanged as he s younger will surely be a challenge esp when with someone who wasnt fully commited to begin with. Besides that, you deserve to be with someone who loves unreservedly.