He didn’t think I would find out everything that was going on in our relationship. I am sure if it ever occurred to him that I could uncover the truth, he would have tried harder to cover his tracks. And now that the light of truth has shown me all that lay hidden, the relationship is no longer the same. 

I know I was crazy about him before all the revelation. I was sure that he was also very much in love with me. His parents have met me. There was no indication that they did not approve of me. If anything, I would say I felt welcomed in their midst. With the kind of acceptance they gave me and the way I was sure of our love, I used to say, “As for this relationship, nothing can break us apart.” 

I wish while I was building our future in my mind, someone would have pinched me really hard and told me that I was in for a rude awakening. Maybe if I saw signs or had a flicker of doubt in my heart that our relationship was not as solid as I believed, I would have built some shield to guard my heart from this ache. 

Imagine finding out that your two-year relationship was built on a lie. Honestly, I was not certain I would find anything when I decided to read his chat with his best friend. A part of it was curiosity. The other part had to do with the fact that some of his actions did not add up. I knew he wouldn’t be forthcoming with answers if I asked him. So I chose to dig for information myself. 

The first thing I uncovered was that he was cheating on me with a lady he swore was his ex. They were not just having a little fling on the side, no. They had an actual relationship. How he managed to keep two seemingly thriving relationships going is beyond me. We had been through so much together that I wouldn’t have suspected he shared love and intimate moments with another woman while I was still in the picture. And that’s not even the worst of it. 

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It turns out Kofi’s father wants him to be with the other lady instead of me. However, he was undecided about letting me go because of his mother. His mother likes me. He told his friend, “My mother says she wants her as a daughter-in-law. That’s why she is still around.” How would you feel if your boyfriend’s mother is the reason you still have a relationship?

In case you are wondering which of us Kofi wants for himself, it’s the other lady. Outside his parents’ influence, he said in their chat that he would not marry me. When his friend asked why, his reason was, “I don’t want to marry a woman who is older than me.” He even lied that the age gap between us is one year, but it’s more than that. According to the chat, this same age gap is the reason his father doesn’t like me. 

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Learning that we were not in the relationship alone was hurtful, yes. Finding out that his father prefers the other lady was disappointing, sure. However, what broke me the most was the certainty with which he said he would not marry me. All I kept thinking about was, if this guy knew all along that we had no future together then why did he make me believe we did?

When I pulled myself together, I asked him why he lied to me and strung me along for two years if he knew my age was a dealbreaker for him. He said, “Just because you read my conversations doesn’t mean you know my intentions. Right now I can’t tell you my next plan. All you need to know is that you are the one I love.” The thing is, I don’t believe him anymore. How can I, after everything I have seen?

I have decided to stay away from him but he has been calling me and sending me messages. He says he is sorry and that it was all a mistake. He didn’t mean to get involved with the other lady, among other things. I am also too hurt to entertain the idea of him. I don’t think I can get past this and be with him. I just want to find a way to heal and move on. Am I being unreasonable?

— Etor

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