Kwaku was good to me. I was in SHS while he was in the university but it didn’t matter to him. He loved me just the way I was. I told him at the beginning of our relationship that I intend to remain chaste until marriage. So he made sure we were never alone in an enclosed space. We either met in public or hang out with friends. He also used to send me money and gifts in school. I didn’t have a phone in school but I tried my best to call him whenever I got my hands on a phone. I loved him very much and I believed he also loved me. The problem was, he never visited me in school. Because of that, one of my girls in school always told me, “Look, this boy does not love you. If he did, he would have visited you at least once. Do you honestly believe a guy in the university will take a High School girl seriously?”
The first time she said it I told her, “You are saying that because you don’t know him like I do.” However, as time went on, Kwaku never made any attempt to come and see me at school. So I started to believe my friend. By the time I completed school, I was sure that he was just playing with me. So I broke up with him without any proper reason. After that, I met Jefferson. I was in nursing training school when a friend introduced us. I told him the same thing I told Kwaku, “I know that premarital sex has been normalized in this time we are in but I don’t subscribe to that. I want to remain celibate until marriage.” “What about kissing? Is that on the table?” I responded, “Only chaste kisses. Nothing like french kissing or anything like it. ” He agreed to the terms.
A few months into the relationship Jeff started talking about shuperu. He would tell me, “Now, everyone is doing it. Why do you want to be left out? If you continue like this you won’t get a husband. Men want to know if they are sexually compatible with the women they are getting married to.” I didn’t let him get to me. I would visit him and he would make a move but I would stand my ground. Eventually, he got the message loud and clear so he stopped trying.
He had just completed the university when we started dating and didn’t have a job. So his parents used to send him money to cushion him while he was out there searching for something to do. I don’t know how or when it happened but Jefferson started sports betting. He would bet with everything he has until the allowance his parents send him finishes. When I found out about this I complained, “Jeff, I know you are having a hard time on the job market but you are a brilliant guy. Surely, you know that sports betting isn’t a path you should tread.” That day he got angry and insulted me bitterly. He then blocked my number for one week.
I deeply cared for him so I was patient with him. When he calmed down he unblocked me and we started talking again. He was still engaging in sports betting so I continued to complain. And every time I did, he would insult me, even in public. I knew his behavior was terrible but I was convinced that he would change. So I kept talking to him to stop, even when it earned me insults.
We were still on our back and forth when I visited him one day and met his absence. I called him and he told me he was close so I should wait for him. I had just returned from clinical so I was tired. I went to his room to wait for him and ended up falling asleep. He returned in about two hours holding long betting slips. “What is with the betting slips?” I asked him. He excitedly told me about a match he is betting on, “If I win this bet, I will win a huge sum of money. It will be sweet.”
I was too tired to complain or lecture him. I just told him, “I am hungry. Can you get me something to eat?” He responded, “Sorry, I don’t have any money on me. I staked my last GHC300 on the match.” Immediately he said that I felt a surge of anger. It wasn’t because he couldn’t get me food but the fact that he gambled all his money away. What happens if he doesn’t win? He won’t have any money to survive on till his next allowance comes in. That was what bothered me. He saw my reaction so he said, “If you have money, why don’t you use it to buy food? After all, you didn’t do anything for me when you came. You just slept.”
I didn’t want us to start another fight so I took my bag and left. He followed me and accompanied me to the bus stop and made sure I got into a car before he left. I was about to pay the fare when I realized I had no money in my purse. I was surprised because I had GHC200 on me before I went to Jeff’s place. I immediately called him, “I might have left my money at your place, have you seen it?” This guy responded, “Oh yes, GHC200. I took it while you were asleep. I used it for something urgently.”
The trotro mate (conductor) started shouting at me to pay the fare, which was GHC5. I told the mate to give me a minute and asked Jeff, “Why didn’t you ask me before taking the money? There were four GHC50 notes. You could have at least left one of those notes for me to use for transportation back home, but you took all. Even if you had told me that you took my money, I would have withdrawn some cash from a Momo vendor. Now, how do you expect me to pay the fare?” He told me the mate would understand.
That day the mate gave me the insults of my life. Luckily, a good Samaritan paid the fare for me and that shut him up. When I alighted from the trotro, I called Jeff and told him not to ever do that to me again. He said, “The mate only insulted you. He didn’t beat you, so what’s the big deal?” I just hung up so I wouldn’t vent my frustration on him. Before I went to bed that night I asked myself if the relationship was worth the trouble it gave me. The more I thought about it, the more I knew that I had to leave him. And it made me so sad that I cried into my pillow that night.
The next morning I had to go to campus to pay my school fees. I went to a Momo vendor to withdraw the money and was told my account had been blocked. I was surprised. They said someone tried to access my account and got the PIN wrong. The only person who had access to my phone was my boyfriend. So I called him and asked if he knew anything about it. He said, “Yes, I was trying to send money from your phone to mine yesterday but I didn’t know your pin so they blocked your account on my third attempt.”
That morning I lost my cool and insulted him till I was even breathless and could no longer speak. I kept asking myself, “So if he knew my PIN how much money would he have sent to himself? Would he have taken all the GHC5000 I had in my account or he would have taken half? This my school fees we are talking about.” When I got home I broke down and cried. I called my best friend, Papi, and told him what happened. He listened to me and encouraged me to break up with Jeff as quickly as possible. “Listen, there are good men out there who won’t insult you or steal from you to stake bets. Let go of this deadweight boyfriend and someone better will come along, trust me.”
Do You See Sex Toys As A Threat In A Relationship? | Beads Media
I had already made up my mind the previous night to leave Jeff so my talk with Papi gave me the push I needed to go ahead with it. I didn’t have the heart to go and see him in person or call him to break up with him. I typed a long message listing all the reasons the relationship was no longer working for me and told him I was done. He thought I was joking when he saw the text. It wasn’t until I stopped calling him and answering his call that he knew I was serious. “Please don’t leave me,” he begged, “I will quit the sports betting. I will no longer insult you or emotionally abuse you. Give me a second chance.” I told him no, and advised him to move on.
The relationship ended long ago but he calls me every now and then to apologize and plead that I take him back. But there is no going back, especially now that I am madly in love with a wonderful man. Papi and I are currently dating and he is so amazing. We have been best friends for nine years so adding romance to it has made things better for us. He treats me like a queen, and I too treat him like a king. I now understand what he said some years ago that someone better would come along. He was referring to himself. We are currently preparing to get married in a few months’ time. And I honestly couldn’t be any happier than I am right now.
–Marigold
Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]
NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.
#SB
