I am a loyal person. I am talking about the kind of loyalty that makes me stay in situations common sense should take me out of. That’s why cheating is a deal breaker for me. I have dated all types of men. I have been with an abuser. I have been with non-commitals. And I have been with cheaters. Among all these, the ones I easily walk away from are cheaters. Other things I forgive, but once I catch you cheating, it’s over.
Due to this, I found myself single most of the time. It got lonely sometimes but it was also free of drama. It was during one of my single periods that I met Adjei on Facebook. He was interesting to talk to. We couldn’t meet in person because he was outside the country. So we just texted and spoke on the phone from time to time.
One day we were talking when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him, “I like you but I can’t date you. First of all, I have never met you. Everything I know about you is what you told me. Secondly, I don’t do long-distance relationships. If it was in another region in Ghana, I would have tried. But another continent is a no-no for me.” He wasn’t pleased but he accepted my answer gracefully.
A few years along the line he came to Ghana. This was in 2021. He reached out to me and we met. We spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other better. By the time our date was over, I was in love with him. So when he proposed love to me again, I accepted it. I wanted to try the long-distance thing and see if it would work.
I am not the kind of woman who expects financial benefits from a relationship. So I never ask him for money. He was the one who chose to give me money. Sometimes he would send me GHC700 every quarter. Other times too, he would send more.
Although we were far apart, in our hearts we were very close. I never felt alone or lonely. We made phone calls all the time. He mostly preferred video calls. It’s because he was insecure. When he calls and I am in my room, he asks that I take the camera around the room. He wouldn’t be satisfied until he knew I was truly alone in the room.
When he first started doing this, I brushed it aside saying, “Maybe he is behaving like that because he is not here. When he visits and we spend enough time together, he will know who I am and relax.”
In 2021 he told me, “I will return to Ghana in December. When I come, I will take the necessary steps to legalize our relationship.” I love him so I was excited about the promise his return held.
Soon enough, December arrived. However, Adjei did not. He said his work didn’t give him leave so he couldn’t come. I told him, “It’s alright. We can do it next year.”
Things started getting a little strained from there. He was constantly picking fights. Then he would ghost me for two weeks. It was hurtful. Then when he was ready, he would walk back into my life as though he never left. He expects me not to have any problems with this.
I went to visit a friend of mine who had gotten married. I told this man about it and he was all over the place. When I got to my friend’s place, he called me and I turned the camera on. He saw my friend and her husband before he calmed down.
When I complained about his behaviour, he would say I am seeing other men. One time I went to see a male friend off. This man got upset and didn’t talk to me for two weeks.
Earlier this year, he stopped giving me money. I don’t know why but I haven’t asked him about it. Apart from that, his attitude has changed. It is as if he is looking for an opportunity to leave the relationship. He treats me like an option.
I decided to pull away from him but I love him so much that I can’t do it. I even met someone new. His name is Nii. He returned from the UK recently. We’ve gotten close these few months. He often took me out on dates. And at the end of the date he would drop me off at home. I never invited him inside.
It happened one night that I had too much to drink on our date. When he took me home, I invited him inside. We spent the night together having shuperu. The next morning I felt guilty. Although Adjei and I hadn’t spoken in a while, he was still my boyfriend. And I had cheated on him. I felt horrible.
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I told this new guy, “I am sorry if I led you on but what happened the other night cannot happen again.” He got angry, “What do you mean? If you try to keep yourself from me I will end your life.” I thought he was joking so I laughed.
As time went on, I noticed that something was off about him. He was always in my space. He wanted to know what I was doing all the time. So I started avoiding him. One day he came to my house and I said I wouldn’t let him in.
I’ve Thought About How To Blame God
He pushed the door, choked me, and said; “What I told you the last time was not a joke. Your body is addictive. And now that I have had a taste, I won’t let you go.” I don’t want this guy. He is not the one I love. The person I want is Adjei. But he is also ignoring me.
I am confused about this situation. On one hand, is the man I love. He says he loves me but he decides when he wants to talk to me. On another hand is a man who is threatening to end my life if I dare leave him. What do I do? Please I need help.
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—Aria
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Oh, Aria, you’ve found yourself in quite the dramatic love triangle, haven’t you? Your loyalty truly knows no bounds, and it seems like you’ve stumbled into a whirlwind of emotions and unexpected twists. Let’s break down this complex situation and some advice:
Firstly, Adjei, your long-distance lover who turned your world upside down. He started out as a pixelated image on your computer screen, and somehow, you fell head over heels for him. The video call paranoia? Well, that’s just modern-day romance for you. Who knew virtual relationships could come with their own set of paparazzi-style camera checks?
Then there’s the promise of his return, only for him to ghost you and pick fights. December came and went, but Adjei didn’t. Maybe his work doesn’t give him leave, or maybe he’s moonlighting as a ghostbuster. Either way, it’s left you in a state of relationship limbo.
Now, you’ve met Nii, the guy from the UK with an affinity for “shuperu.” While a one-night stand can happen to the best of us, it’s brought about a guilt trip that would make even a Catholic school nun proud.
Nii’s sudden attachment to you is a bit concerning, though. “I will end your life” sounds like something straight out of a crime thriller, not a romantic comedy. Not to mention, his claim that your body is “addictive” is…well, let’s just say it’s not the kind of sweet talk most people are looking for.
So, where does that leave you, Aria? It’s clear you have a deep affection for Adjei, despite his inconsistent behavior. As for Nii, it’s essential to prioritize your safety and well-being above all else. Threats and violence are never acceptable in any relationship.
Here’s some lighthearted advice: Maybe it’s time for a little self-love, Aria. Take some time to focus on yourself, explore your interests, and regain your independence. It’s a chance to reevaluate your priorities and decide what you truly want in a partner.
As for Adjei and Nii, well, love is a complicated puzzle. Reach out to Adjei for an honest conversation about your feelings and expectations. And if Nii’s behavior continues to be concerning, consider involving the authorities. Your safety should always come first.
Remember, life is too short for unnecessary drama. Seek happiness, not chaos, in your relationships. Who knows, maybe the next chapter of your love life will be a romantic comedy with a lot less intrigue and a lot more laughter.
Report Nii to the police and let them issue him a restraining order immediately. Don’t take his threat lightly! I am not sure Adjei is into you and if my suspicion is right there is no point wasting your energy and emotions on him. Have a Frank discussion with him and if he fails to respond dump him. There are several men searching frantically for your kind of devoted love.
You be there and say you are confused. Someone has threatened you, and chocked you once and you think he cant kill you? Be there and you will become a statistics.