At thirty-five, I expected to be married. Maybe even finish having kids. The plan was to settle down early, raise a family while I am still very youthful, and be an empty-nester before retirement even surfaces. That’s if, God gives me good health and long life to accomplish all of this. The first man I fell in love with was also crazy about me. However, love alone does not a relationship make. We had all the plans. We dreamt as big as the ocean. We even named our kids. But it all didn’t get us the future we hoped to have.
After him, I have experienced one failed relationship after the other. Sometimes I would tell myself I am tired of love and relationships. “Maybe I should be single forever and forget about men.” I would remain single for years. Sometimes even married men showed up with fat promises. “If you give me a chance, I will buy you all the pleasures of this world.” Sweet nothings like this flooded me. I would shake my head and say, “I am single but not desperate. Married men are a no-no for me.”
Now I am thirty-five. My life is not anywhere near where I imagined it would be. If anything, I believe it’s spiraling out of my control. I am in a place where I am between two men. No, I am not torn between them. I know who I want but I am not sure if he wants me in the same way. One of my men is married. Shocking! I know.
When we first met, he told me he was in the process of getting a divorce. “Very soon, I will be free of my wife. Then I will come and see your people for us to get married.” I didn’t believe him at first but everything he showed me was genuine. He would talk about how their divorce was going, among other things. He complained bitterly about all the ways his wife maltreated him. As far as I was concerned, he was a saintly man who married a devil. I even felt bad for him. That’s how we started dating.
Things were going great at the beginning, but I started having doubts after he convinced me to let him sell one of my properties for me. He promised the money would be good and I could invest it in another property. I believed him.
Before all that, he introduced me to his uncle as the woman he would like to marry after he was done with the divorce. So I felt a sense of security. However, after he sold the property, I didn’t get any money. Not even a pesewa. When I pushed him for it, he confessed that he used the money to fund his wife to travel abroad. This was the same woman he claimed he was leaving.
While doing all this, he has been monitoring me like a monitoring spirit. You would think he has already paid my bride price. This man has succeeded in driving away some of my friends. He doesn’t confront them but the way he behaves is enough to have them tell me, “I am staying away from you because I don’t want any trouble from your man.” Even my work colleagues stay away because of him.
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Late last year, one of my girlfriends introduced me to someone single. We’ve been talking and interestingly, I’m falling so fast for him. Unlike my other man, this one is all mine. My problem with him is that he has not proposed love to me yet. However, when I am talking to him or spending time with him, I am happy. I always forget about the married man even. If our connection is this great, then why hasn’t he told me how he feels about me yet?
Honestly, I am not making this up when I say we have intense chemistry; both emotionally and physically.
He Called Me On The Phone So I Could Hear The Other Woman’s Voice
Everything we do feels like a relationship but he hasn’t said it officially. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that it was all in my head and that he did not feel that way about me at all. My mum always prays that I get a good man who will love, care, and appreciate me, even though she doesn’t give me pressure to get married. I believe this is the man my mother has been praying for.
Between my men, I know that it’s the married man I don’t want anymore. I want the single guy but how do I get him to officially propose without coming across as a desperate woman? Please I need your advice, tips, or suggestions. As for my married boyfriend, his days are numbered. I plan to end things with him the next time we meet.
—Vera
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The only way is to ask him what position you hold in his life. The answer alone will tell you where you belong. In this life we take things by the bulls horn. You don’t have to tell him you like him but let him know what he does is confusing you.
Vera,
I am a man, so let be honest with you. Leave the married. Two, ask the single guy what’s the way forward. You either require him to think into that direction or you distance your gradually for a while. If you are who he wants he will come around and then you lay the conditions down. Don’t be afraid because you 35. Make exercise and diet part of your life while waiting for the future. Hope this helps?