The first time I saw John, I knew he was the man for me. Before he even approached me to say hello, I was ready to be his girlfriend. Of course, I couldn’t have let him know how I felt. So I patiently took my time to get to know him. While we were talking, he confessed his love for me. Although I was also in love with him, I didn’t want to rush into anything. So I insisted on getting to know him better. I even asked him, “How sure are you that what you feel for me is love?”

He didn’t like my line of questioning. I know this because he stopped picking up my calls for about a month. I was very hurt when this happened. How can he tell me that he loves me and then ghost me? I cried for days. But I eventually picked myself up and decided to move on with my life. Coincidentally, he came back into my life just then.

I had lost him once, and it hurt. I didn’t want to give him another chance to hurt me again, but he was persuasive. He apologized for cutting off communication with me without any reason. Then he said, “I felt you didn’t love me the way I love you, and it hurt my heart. That’s why I pulled away. But I am back and ready to fight for you, if only you will have me.” I was touched. Besides, I still loved him. So I gave him a chance.

He was in his final year in the university when the relationship started. Regardless, he always came through for me whenever I needed his help. I also helped him out whenever he needed me. Sometimes I would have to borrow money from friends so he could sort out whatever financial emergency he was facing. He always repaid the loans so we didn’t have any problems when it came to money. It was a system that worked perfectly for us. I need him, and he shows up. He needs me, and I am there.

My problem with him had to do with the fact that he listens to nothing I say. When he makes plans he wouldn’t involve me. If I saw him doing something wrong and I tried to advise him, he would turn a deaf ear. Then when things go bad for him he would come to me and vent. There are times when I just listen to him rant, but sometimes I tell him, “Well if you had listened to me this wouldn’t have happened.” He even admits it himself that I am usually right. If that is the case then why doesn’t he listen to me? This is something that eats me up.

When he started his national service, we had been together for one year. He was posted to another region so we planned that I would visit him and spend some time with him. While I was there, I learned a lot about him that I didn’t even know before. John has a very big sexual appetite. Unless he doesn’t see me, he would pounce on me and demand for shuperu.

I am nothing like him when it comes to intimacy. I am actually very lazy in bed. So we were never on the same page in that regard. He felt I didn’t understand his needs. I also felt he liked doing it too much. At a point, I even left his place just so I would escape his insatiable desires.

When I left he would call me every now and then asking when I was coming home. Every little thing he would say, “I miss you. Your side of the bed is cold. Hurry up and come back home to me.” He probably meant to sound sweet but all I heard was, “I am horny. Hurry up and come and satisfy my needs.” I tried but I couldn’t take it anymore.

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One day he told me again, “I miss you.” I responded, “I think we should break up.” He didn’t take it well but that’s what I wanted so he had to let me go. A few days later, I didn’t feel right. I felt heartbroken and so empty without him. Without intending to, I called him. When he answered, I poured out my heart; “I made a mistake. I don’t want us to break up anymore.” He went quiet for a while before saying, “I am with a friend. Let me call you back.” I waited for his call but it never came.

Another day I called him and lied that I was broke so he should send me money. He said he would get back to me. When he finally called he said, “I don’t have money to give you.” The next thing I realized, he blocked me. I was hurt but I consoled myself and moved on.

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A year later, he unblocked me and we started talking again. This guy pleaded for me to come back to him. I still loved him so I gave home another chance. After everything we have been through, he is now telling me that he’s not going to date only me. “My friend said you easily broke up with me because I dated only you. So now I will keep my options open,” he announced.

I decided to leave him alone with his numerous girls but he keeps coming back. He says he won’t let me go. And he won’t leave those other girls either. I can’t also be in a relationship with a man who has other girlfriends. How do I ward him off? I feel like he is trying to make a fool out of me. Please I need advice.

—Jane

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