Until recently, Laud was the perfect man in my eyes. Despite our ups and downs, I never doubted his love or questioned his loyalty to me. He is consistent with communication. Even when we have a disagreement, we don’t stop talking to each other. Whoever is wrong admits their fault and apologises. I just loved that about us.

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Now, I am questioning everything I have ever believed when it comes to him. I ask myself, “Does he mean it when he says he loves me?”

I used to smile whenever he said, “Babe, I will sacrifice anything for you.” These days, when those words come to mind, I scream, “LIAR” in my head.

He has this thing he’s done since we started dating over a year ago. Once in a while, he would ask for my phone. “I want to go through it and see if you have any new men toasting you,” he would joke. I would give him the phone, and he would return it with a satisfied smile because he wouldn’t see messages suggesting I was flirting with or even talking to other men.

I, on the other hand, had never asked for his phone. I see that as a sign of distrust. Also, I believed I would be invading his privacy if I went through his phone.

This is why I never understood why he insisted on checking my phone when he knew that I had nothing to hide. “Is he this distrustful because he has been doing things behind my back?” I wondered.

With all the uncertainty going on in my mind, I felt uneasy when he asked me to give him my phone quite recently. I didn’t object, though. I gave it to him. When he finished, I stretched out my hand, “Your turn. Give me your phone and let me also see if you have other women in there.”

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He shook his head. “Babe, I can’t give it to you. I have conversations here that are private. I can’t give you access to them.”

I got upset. He saw the look on my face and said, “Please calm down. One of my male friends confided in me about something deeply personal. If you read that chat, you may misunderstand the conversation and assume the worst of me. I am just trying to protect what we have.”

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He insisted he’s not cheating and would never do such a thing. He apologised over and over again for not giving me his phone. I don’t buy any of it.

His refusal has raised all sorts of red flags in my mind.

Now, even after apologising, he still feels justified in his actions. He says I am the one who is overreacting.

He is gaslighting me, isn’t he?

—Diana 

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