I had two men in my life: Alex and Timothy. Tim and I met online. He is a doctor in one of the villages in the Western Region. Alex on the other hand lives close to me in Accra. While Alex was always available to me, Tim had a lot going on when it came to his work. While Alex liked to shower me with money and gifts, Tim always complained about money.

There were times Alex would offer to give me money or do things for me to alleviate my financial burdens, but I would tell him no. And he would get upset and complain; “Women like it when men do things for them so why won’t you allow me to take care of you? Is it because you don’t like me? Are you pushing me away by rejecting my help?”

Every time he complained I told him, “If your idea of love is to be taken advantage of then that’s not my thing.” However, he was not wrong. I didn’t want to accept things from him because I didn’t like him. Apart from his kindness and his willingness to be there for me, everything else didn’t click.

One thing I can’t put up with is someone who has poor personal hygiene. Alex happens to be one of those people. He always looks like someone who hasn’t taken a bath. I had a problem with this. That’s why I didn’t encourage his affection. Although I hadn’t met Tim yet, I felt connected to him. That’s why I chose him.

I was on the phone with Tim one day when he started talking to someone else who was with him in person. I couldn’t make out much of what they were saying, but I heard the part where he asked the person for a loan. He sounded disappointed when the person didn’t give him the money.

I had some money I could spare. It was, in fact, a gift Alex sent to me on my birthday. So I asked Tim, “Did you say you are looking for a loan?” He answered, “Yes, I need GHC400. If you can get it for me I will pay it back by the end of the month.” The money I had was GHC500 so I gave everything to him. He said a lot of thank yous and promised not to delay with payment.

After a few days, I noticed that Tim was withdrawn. He wouldn’t answer my calls. And neither would he return them. I would text him and he would respond after three days. I didn’t know if he was doing this because of the money I gave him or if it was because he was as busy with work as he claimed. It really bothered me so I started withdrawing from him as well.

Alex was still in the picture asking me to give him a chance. So I decided to shift my attention from Timothy to him. I did my best to overlook his lack of personal hygiene. However, there were certain things he did that just didn’t add up. It was as if he had a mental problem. I couldn’t overlook that even if I wanted to.

When Tim noticed that I no longer paid attention to him, he started acting right. He apologized for his absence. “I am the only doctor in the village I work at. That’s why I don’t get time to do anything for myself. Please be patient with me.” I still liked him so I decided to give him a chance to redeem himself.

When the month ended, he didn’t pay my money back as promised. He rather complained about money and asked me for another loan. He said if I gave him another GHC500 it would help him solve his problem. I sent him the money without any complaints. However, I noticed again that he started pulling away after I gave him the money.

I complained several times about his attitude but he continued to tell me, “I am sorry. I am just busy with work.” I didn’t know what else to do. I even confided in someone who comments a lot on most of the stories on this page. And he advised me to visit Tim where he lives so we could at least get to see each other in person.

When I announced to Tim that I would like to visit him, he was happy. He even offered to pay for my transportation. I was happy that he was finally willing to make some financial commitment to the relationship. Unfortunately, my happiness turned to disappointment when he told me; “I was expecting some money but it didn’t come. You will have to sort out the transportation yourself. I promise to refund you when you get here. I will even add the GHC1000 I owe you.”

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Upon all his excuses, I trusted he would pay the money. So I went on this trip to meet him. When I got there, he didn’t seem excited to see me. For some reason, he was moody the entire time. I asked what was going on and he said, “My salary was wrongfully deducted. So I am short on money. I’m sorry that I won’t be able to give you the money I promised.” I told him not to worry about it.

When I was about to leave, I expected him to at least pay for my transportation back home. He didn’t do it. He stood by me and watched me pay for myself. It was at this point that I started questioning our relationship. I expected him to check up on me while I was on my way but he didn’t do that either.

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After I got to Accra, we spoke and he promised that his finances would improve by the end of the year so I should stick to his side. He also said he would do better with his communication when the year ends. Left to his finances alone, I wouldn’t be here sharing my story. My concern is his lack of availability. This guy doesn’t answer my calls anymore. And he returns them late in the night when he knows I would be asleep. As for text messages, he responds to them days after I have sent them. Sometimes I cry when this happens. 

I want to know if this is a relationship worth holding on to. Are doctors so busy that they don’t have time to communicate with their partners? Or I should just count my losses and move on?

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—Gwen

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