Dave and I started dating earlier this year. The first time I visited him, he took me to his younger brother’s house. He explained that he couldn’t take me to where he was currently staying because he was taking care of his sick father at his auntie’s place. I asked why he didn’t just take me to his own place, and he said he would be relocating soon, so there was no need.

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For our second meeting, we lodged at a hotel in the same town. I brought up the topic again, but he repeated the same story. I let it go. Our third meeting was also at a hotel. Despite this, we haven’t had intimacy.

That day, he had to step out to buy something. Before he left he asked me to charge his phone for him. While doing so, I noticed a message notification from me that he hadn’t replied to. What caught my attention was that he had saved my number as just my name.

That felt strange. I had saved his contact as “Worldie,” and he knew that. Out of curiosity, I called him with my second number. I wanted to see how that contact was saved too. It was saved just like the first one, “Carrie.” This didn’t sit right with me.

I swiped the screen lock and the phone unlocked. I went through his contacts. What I saw shocked me. He had saved other numbers with names like “My Love,” “Sweetheart,” and another filled with love emojis and roses.

At first, I thought “My Love” might be his mum, so I checked his WhatsApp chats to be sure. It wasn’t his mum. It was a girl he was talking to. I checked the other names too. The one with the emojis turned out to be his ex.

After what I saw, I started reading random chats. One particular one broke me. He had texted another girl, saying, “I’m getting more interested in you.” My hands started shaking. I didn’t realize when I started crying.

The only question on my mind was, “If he is talking to all these women then what is he doing with me?”

I couldn’t read further. I just sat there frozen until he returned.

When I gathered myself together I asked him why he saved my number as just Carrie.

He shrugged, “Our relationship is still new. Also, I am not used to saving a girlfriend’s number with sweet names. All that matters is that I love you.”

He saw that I didn’t buy his explanation so he went on and on, but nothing he said made sense. It felt like he was just trying to play me.

So I brought up the message: “I’m getting more interested in you.”

At first, he denied ever sending it. I gave him the exact date, time, and day. Then he changed the story—said they’re in the same church and he likes her personality, which is why he said that. I asked, “So of all the ways to compliment someone’s personality, that’s what you chose to say?”

He got upset and said I was falsely accusing him of cheating. That argument dragged on, even days after we left the hotel. But he never admitted anything.

I began pulling back, to protect myself from getting more hurt.

He sensed that something was off so he asked questions. In response, I told him to invite me to his home. He claimed he couldn’t.

Every time I brought it up, we ended up arguing. His excuse was that he shares a house with his ex, and she’s troublesome. “She will fight with you if you come around,” he warned.

Also, he said he’s trying to protect his name. He doesn’t want people to label him as “boy wei deɛ ɔpɛ mmaasɛm.” So, to prevent earning a reputation as a womanizer, I can only visit him after he relocates. Until then, “Let’s keep meeting elsewhere.”

“Really? I need permission from your ex before I can come to your house? If you care that much about your ex and your image, then why date me in the first place?”

“Trust me, this decision is for the benefit of both of us,” he retorted.

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At that point, the answers he gave to my questions felt like a toddler wearing his shoes on the wrong feet. Left in place of right and right in place of left, very chaotic and illogical.

I told myself, “This is enough. I don’t think I’m ready for this.” I even said, “If you can’t take me to where you live now, then don’t expect me to visit when you relocate either.”

I’m too good to be anyone’s second option.

So right now, I’m trying to make sure I feel nothing for him before I walk away. I want to know, is it wise for me to stay till I heal? Or I should leave now to save myself from seeing more signs and wonders?

—Carrie

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