“I am a grown man who doesn’t have time for games. What I am looking for is a woman I can settle down with so we can start a family. Is marriage something you are ready for?” I said, “Yes. I am also interested in settling down, but let’s take our time and get to know each other properly before we start with marriage plans.” He agreed with me, and that’s how my relationship with Eric began. Our relationship was focused on studying each other for marriage. I know it sounds like a transactional affair but it is not. There was love involved. I was very much in love with him, and I still am.

As I observed him I realized that he doesn’t easily part with his money. He would visit me and expect me to feed him. After eating to his fill, he won’t even say, “Take this money to cover the cost of your expenses.” He would just say, “Thank you for the food,” and leave it there. The first time it happened I overlooked it. Then it happened a second time. It bothered me then but I figured I would give him another chance to redeem himself. When it happened the third time, I realized that was his thing. So I adjusted my attitude accordingly. I stopped cooking for him when he visits me. Because there was no way I was going to be spending money on a man who wouldn’t spend money on me in return.

Considering the fact that our relationship was geared toward marriage, I decided to sort out his issue with money, so that it wouldn’t become a noose around my neck when we are married. I find it difficult to ask people for favours but I gathered the courage one day and I asked him, “Babe, I need some money to top up my savings to pay for my rent. Can you help me out?” He responded, “Don’t worry, we will talk about it later.” I waited for him but he never said anything to me, so I asked him about it again. That one too, he said we would talk about it later. Later never came, so I reminded him about it a few more times. At one point, I felt like I was a bother so I stopped asking him for the money. He also never brought it up.

A few months ago we were talking when he said, “I am ready to start having kids, so I think we should get pregnant.” “You mean we should get married?” I asked. He said, “No. I am saying you should get pregnant first before we get married.” I told him, “No, I won’t do that. How do you expect me to have your baby when you won’t marry me first?” This man said I shouldn’t worry about it. He tried to assure me that when I have his baby he will marry me. But I told him I won’t do it so he should drop it, and he did. Just this September, he brought up the issue again. I got annoyed and told him, “You haven’t done anything in this relationship to show me that you can take care of me. So what will entice me to have your baby? Let’s not talk about the fact that you can go for one month, sometimes two months, without seeing me or talking to me. I won’t have your baby, forget it.”

He answered, “I want to see proof that you are committed to the relationship. For me, pregnancy is the ultimate proof of commitment. When I see it, I will also prove that I am committed to you by taking responsibility for you.” Whenever I think about having his baby, I also think about the fact that he uses work as an excuse not to call or text me, unless I call him. And it makes me worry that I would end up doing the whole pregnancy thing alone. I don’t want to experience that kind of loneliness. So I stood my ground and told him I won’t do it.

READ MORE: My Boyfriend Gave Me A Pant He Said I Should Wear Every Day For Four Months

Due to everything going on with Eric, I started paying attention to Nana when he came into my life. He calls and texts to check up on me every day. He gives me money without me having to ask him. He shows me love and affection in a way Eric never did.

The only downside is that he travelled outside the country to study and look for greener pastures. This man has asked me to wait for him for four years. He said, “The long-distance thing is hard but I believe we can make it work. Just give me four years to get my feet on the ground so that I can come and marry you. It’s a promise I am making to you.” I believe him, but currently, I am thirty-one years old. So I will be thirty-five by the time he is ready. I also keep asking myself, “What if it takes him longer than four years to be ready? Or what if I wait for him and he never shows up.” This is my problem now. I want advice on what to do. Should I get pregnant for Eric and see if he will fulfil his promise of marriage and take responsibility for us? Or should I wait for Nana for four years? I am worried about making the wrong choice.

–Fosua

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