I wanted my first time to be special. By special, I mean the first man I do it with should be the man I man I marry. That’s why I didn’t rush into any relationship when I was in my teens or early twenties. Even when I was in the university and it seemed okay for me to have a boyfriend and be sexually active, I didn’t do it. I kept myself chaste, waiting for the right man and the right time.

After I completed the university, I started doing my National Youth Service Corps. Most of my friends had serious boyfriends they were discussing marriage with, but I was still very single at this point. One of the people I was sharing a compound with became a dear friend. We talked about a lot of things including the fact that I had never been in a relationship. She tried to convince me to give it a try but I told her I hadn’t met the right man yet.

One day we were at home when a handsome man came to visit this dear friend of mine. I was in my kitchen so I peeped through my kitchen window and saw him. I don’t know what it was about him that had my heart racing like crazy in my chest. The only thought that ran through my mind was, “Wow! This must be love at first sight.” Although I was tempted to go out and greet him so he would see me, I controlled myself.

While I was in there, my friend came to tell me; “I invited someone over to come and check you out. Come out and say hello to him.” I was shy so I didn’t. However, I couldn’t hide in my room forever. At some point, I had to go out and buy something. That was when he got the chance to introduce himself to me. After a brief chitchat, we exchanged contacts and I went my way.

We started chatting from that very moment. Everything flowed easily. He was fun to talk to. We had deep conversations and silly ones and he matched me on every level. Everything I felt about him when I first saw him grew stronger as we kept in touch. A few days after our first meeting, we arranged for him to visit me.

Things continued to be fun between us when he came over. We spent the day talking and getting to know more about each other. By the time we said goodbye, we had kissed and smooched. We didn’t go far that day.

Another day he came over and we went out. We had so much fun that we ended up staying out late. When the night was over, we found ourselves at his place. I was tipsy that night so when he came to touch me I told him, “Stop. I am a virgin.” He apologized and backed away immediately.

I was shocked that he believed me. I was not lying but the way he just left me alone to sleep peacefully made me fall deeper in love with him. Later, he told me he had a girlfriend. I was disappointed but I said okay.

We kept hanging out but only when his girlfriend was out of town. When she came around, we stayed away from each other. This whole arrangement should have forced the love out of my system but it didn’t. It rather made me want him more.

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Six months into our friendship, I gave myself to him. He was the first man in my life. I cried secretly when it was all over. Because the first man to touch me as a woman had a serious relationship when all I wanted was for him to become mine.

The Craziest Thing I’ve Ever Done In The Name of Love

Although I regretted it, it didn’t stop there. I kept going back to him even when I knew that he treated me as a second option. He told me that he loves me but we can’t be together because of his other girlfriend. This is something I already know but I felt a sting in my chest when those words left his mouth.

Please don’t judge me. I am with him because I love him. Besides, I don’t want to move on to another man. That would mean I would be having shuperu with more than one man. And that’s not how I want my life to be. I’ve always wanted my first man to be my last, but here lies the case where this guy is not ready to leave the other lady. What do I do now? Please, help a sister.

—Titi

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