I met Frank when I went to school in a region different from where I grew up. He was a sweet and kind guy who was interested in me. I liked him as a friend but nothing more. When he finally proposed love to me, I didn’t string him along. I turned him down politely. “Why?” He asked. “Our friendship has been going on really well. I thought you liked me. So why won’t you date me?” I answered, “It’s not really about your personality. You said you have a child. This means you belong to another woman. Why then should I get involved with you?” He swore that he didn’t belong to anyone but himself.

He tried to persuade me to reconsider my decision but I told him, “Even if you are no longer with her, you two have a child together. What stops the two of you from getting back together? This is the reason I don’t date men who have baby mamas.” That one too he swore nothing like that would happen. He painted a gloomy picture of their relationship. He made it look like time itself would stop should they attempt to rekindle what they had. “Trust me, my relationship with her is a closed chapter in my life. Had it not been for the child between us, we wouldn’t have any reason to be in each other’s lives.” Still, I didn’t want any baby mama drama so I stood by my no.

This guy said he loved me too much to move on. He went to enlist my friends and some of his friends to plead his case. They all came to talk to me. “We know you have your standards but for all you know he is the one. You know he is a good guy so if you like him give him a chance. Don’t let the fact that he has a child stop you from experiencing something amazing!” Their advice loosened my stance on the matter. I thought about what they said and decided, why not? Maybe we could make something beautiful together and there wouldn’t be any problems from the mother of his child.

I gave him a chance and we started something beautiful. He was the perfect boyfriend most of the time. We had our differences but we always worked through them. We were happy, well, at least I was. Then came a time when I had to quit school because of some issues I encountered with the management. He supported my decision.

Even after I went home, our relationship continued. We kept in touch. We spoke consistently. We made time for each other and scheduled dates. All this while, I had applied to some jobs and other opportunities to further my education.

I had yet to get feedback from these positions when I found out that I was pregnant. It was unplanned but I had no intention of getting rid of it. Frank also seemed happy about the pregnancy. He encouraged me to have the baby. “This is good news. It will only fast forward our marriage plans,” he said. To prove that he meant business, he brought his family to meet mine. They performed the knocking rites and my people also gave them the marriage list.

Everything was supposed to progress smoothly from there but it rather became something else. The entire pregnancy journey for me was filled with different levels of headaches. I started hearing all sorts of things from different people. One time someone asked me, “Have you heard what Frank is saying?” “What is he saying that I haven’t heard?” “Frank says his baby mama has changed so he is getting back together with her.” The person who shared the news was not someone who would say something like this to me if they didn’t believe it was true.

However, Frank denied it. He said he was still very much broken up with his baby mama and that I was his one and only woman. A lot more happened. We had petty fights and big fights here and there but by and by, I had the baby. That was roughly a year ago.

A while ago he moved from his place to another place. So I travelled to his new place with our baby. I just wanted us to know where he was. I found out I wasn’t the first woman in his life to be there. His other baby mama’s presence had registered itself there. She made sure to mark her territory before leaving. I found her dresses among his belongings. I also found an invitation card and some rings.

I confronted him and he said, “I don’t know anything about those things you found. She went to some church and the pastor asked them to get those stuff as part of some prophetic directives. I don’t even know how they got to my room.” I asked him, “If you didn’t want them here then why did you leave them for me to come and see? You could have thrown them away.” I had also gone through his phone and realized they were still together.

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Before I left his place I told him that everything I saw made me lose interest in the relationship so he should take care of his child so we go our separate ways. This guy said no. He went to tell his mum even. The woman called me and asked me to forgive his shortcomings. Everyone around me also kept saying, “Try and make things work because of the child.” Eventually, I forgave him and came home.

When I got home we were cool. We still talked like a lovely couple. Everything seemed perfect until someone called me from his end that the other lady was around. She had been there for days. I would have been surprised had it not come to my realization that for days past, Frank only had phone conversations with me when he was outside.

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When I confronted him he had a lot to say. He said the lady had nowhere to go so she had to move in with him. That wasn’t all. He told me our relationship for the past two years was built on a lie. “I lied when I told you that I was single. I lied when I said she was my ex. I said whatever I knew would convince you to be with me. I have been lying to you. I am still with her just as I am with you.” He then asked me to do whatever I want to him. Whatever spiritual place I want to take him to for retribution, he says he doesn’t care. “If you like buy spiritual sickness for me. After all, I lied to you.”

I don’t know what to think or how to feel. Some of those opportunities I applied for when I left school, came through but I had to let them pass me by because I was pregnant. Frank said those are the only things he is sorry for, the opportunities I lost. As for lying to me, he doesn’t regret it. He says he is not even begging me to stay with him. That’s fine with me. My question is, will I be wrong if I decide to surrender him to whichever spiritual entity I can find? Is it wrong that I want to harm him? I feel so pained by his deception. As if I was robbed of something valuable but I don’t know what. How do I make him pay?

— Lady

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