My friend Kwame posted my photo on his WhatsApp status sometime last year. It was just an appreciation post that gathered a lot of attention. Some people asked him if I was “the one.” He shared some of the comments with me, and we made jokes about them. One of them, however, was from a guy named Mark. Mark asked Kwame if he could get my number. “She is beautiful. I want to get to know her and see if something can come out of it.”

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Kwame showed me his photo and then asked if he could share my number with him. I looked at the picture carefully. He didn’t look bad, and I happened to be single. I responded, “Well, you can give him my number. Let’s talk and see how it goes.”

A few minutes later, Kwame texted me saying, “On second thought, I won’t give your number to him. That guy is always busy. He won’t have time for you.”

I figured he knew his friend better, so if he felt we wouldn’t be a good match, then so be it. I let it go, but according to him, Mark kept pressing him for my number.

That very year, I was travelling from Kumasi to the Eastern Region. While I was in the car, I met a guy who looked like Kwame’s friend, Mark. I had seen his photo on Kwame’s status several times, so I easily made the connection. When I texted Kwame to tell him, he responded, “Mark just sent me a message too. He said he recognizes you from my status as well.”

He decided that if somehow we managed to meet without his involvement, then he shouldn’t stand in our way. There and then, he gave Mark’s number to me. “He has your number too,” he said as he encouraged us to get to know each other.

A few days into talking to Mark, I understood exactly what Kwame meant by saying Mark was too busy. He barely had time to initiate conversations. I was the one always trying to get us to talk.

At some point, I got tired and also stopped reaching out. I understand that people are busy, but if you like someone, you will make time for them no matter how busy you are. This is what I told myself as I made the decision to finally stop talking to him.

Weeks passed. Months went by. A new year began. But Mark and I were still single. So we talked and decided to get together and see if we could make things work.

This time around, he was not too busy for me. I had spoken to him about it, and he assured me he would work on it. Truly, he changed. We were constantly in touch twenty-four/seven. I was very happy about this.

One thing that seemed off to me in the early stages was the fact that he always visited me empty-handed. I would cook for this guy and serve him drinks among other treats. He would enjoy everything and tell me, “Thank you.”

I brushed it aside, saying it was nothing. Then I visited him one evening. I had attended an event in his neighborhood, and it was quite late for me to return home. So we agreed I would spend the night at his place.

That night I was with him when he bought food that was meant for us to eat. When it got to the payment part, he turned to me and said, “Do you have money on you? I am out of cash, and these people don’t take mobile money.”

He assured me that he would withdraw money after we were done and refund my money. I believed him and gave him my money. Could you believe we went home the moment we paid for the food? We saw a lot of MoMo vendors, but he didn’t stop by even one.

The next morning, he went out and bought me food. Even with that, I starved from morning till 11 AM. The waakye he brought was very cheap and horrible. I, as a woman, would not buy that kind of food for a man no matter how stingy I wanted to be with my money. Regardless, I thanked him for his hospitality and forced myself to eat the food.

He has visited me one more time after my experience at his place. When he was coming, he called to tell me, “I want to eat Indomie noodles. And that rice you made for me the last time that I liked so much.”

I didn’t complain. He got to my place around 6 AM. I served him breakfast. In the afternoon, I served him the Indomie noodles he requested.

After lunch, he went out. Before he left, I was asleep. There was no indication that I was going to cook. Still, he called on his way home to ask if I had cooked.

I said, “No, I didn’t cook today. We are fasting.”

I asked this guy to buy me fruits.

“There are no fruit sellers where I am.”

“You will definitely see orange sellers wherever you find yourself. I want some of those.”

He showed up empty-handed. According to him, he was very hungry, so he used all his cash to buy kebab. That one too didn’t make it home. He ate everything on the way.

At this point, I was upset. There was no food at my place when he went out, and I told him over the phone that I didn’t cook. A man who cares about my well-being would have at least brought me some of the kebab, right? Mark didn’t care at all if I was going to bed that night on an empty stomach. If anything, he expected me to have food ready for him.

Mark sells drinks. Every time I buy from him, I pay for it. He never even once offered to give me an extra bottle as a gift. That night too, I had ordered fifteen bottles of the drink from him. Twelve were for a customer, while three were mine, but he didn’t know that.

Now, even though I told him that there was no food, I had cooked. When I served him, he remarked, “This food will go down very well with a drink.”

I intentionally shrugged and said, “You know there’s no drink in my fridge. What I have is what I ordered from you for someone.”

He suggested we buy our drinks from what he brought so I wouldn’t pay the full amount. I agreed and said we could buy three drinks from the fifteen (knowing very well that he didn’t know those three were already mine).

Mark now said he would buy only one bottle for himself.

“Are you saying you would only buy a drink for yourself and not buy any for me?”

He wasn’t bothered. He went ahead and took one drink for himself. He sat there and ate his food combined with his drink while I ate without any drink. When he finished, he belched and went to bed.

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In fact, I was pissed. I never asked him for anything since the relationship started. All he ever gave me was GHC36 worth of call credits. I have been the one spending my money cooking and buying him things.

When I confronted him about his behavior, he claimed it wasn’t intentional. “It’s just that I dated a girl I took good care of. Unfortunately, she left me heartbroken.”

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If that’s the case, then it means I am paying for another woman’s sins. How can I be with a man who is unkind to me because of what someone else did to him?

After a lot of thinking, I have decided to leave the relationship. He should go and find himself a woman who doesn’t mind spending money on a man without getting anything in return. Or do you guys think there is a way to get him to change?

—Esther 

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