I was in secondary school when I first fell in love. His name is James, the sweetest guy I had ever met. He was also in secondary school like me but not my school. While I was eighteen, he was twenty-three. He said he was crazy about me. He promised to go to the ends of the world to make me happy. I believe he did his best to prove his love at that age.

We were happy together until I missed my period one month. I was so sure we were doing everything possible to be safe. Although we were legally adults, we knew we were still in school. I was still living with my parents and they were taking care of me. James was living with his relatives. They were struggling to barely get by. Things were hard for them but he was under their care. A baby had no room in the picture for either of us.

I suppose that was the moment I understood that being with someone all because of love was not all that there was to it. I was terrified of what the future held if indeed my fears were confirmed. Through it all, I tried to remain positive and wait for a week or two to be sure. I panicked so hard when I waited after weeks but there was still no flow. Unfortunately for me, my parents found out just at the same time I confirmed that truly, I was with child.

They were consumed with rage. They threatened to throw me out if I didn’t tell them who did it. I mentioned James’ name and they almost lost their minds. “James? That James? The guy who is in his twenties did this to you a teenager?” I was turning nineteen but my parents said I was defiled. They told the police I was seventeen. I tried to speak up only to be silenced with threats.

The police went after James. They said he had sexual relations with a minor. His relatives did not have the money to fight for him. Afraid for his life, my lover turned into a fugitive. He took off and moved to another country. I believe this was something my people did not anticipate. They expected him to be picked up by the police like a sitting duck. His run from the law upset them so much that they took it out on me.

“We can no longer take care of you. Find somewhere else to go and live,” they yelled as they sacked me. Luckily, my grandmother did not turn me away when I went knocking on her doors. She took me in and took care of me until the baby arrived.

I didn’t hear from James after he took off in 2017, however, I heard news about him from others. It kept me updated about his progress. He met an old white woman who helped him go to school and sponsored his studies. While I heard these stories, I was living in hell at my grandma’s house. My uncles refused to give me peace. They insulted me at the slightest chance they got. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I returned to my mum. By then she had divorced my dad and remarried.

Living with my mum was not great either. To cut a long story short, she said I came home to break her marriage. I didn’t want that to be a thing between us. Which meant I had to leave. Before I did I pleaded with her; “Please take care of my baby for me. I want to go back to school and write my final exams. I need to get some certificates so I can make something out of my life for the sake of this baby.” Thankfully, she agreed.

After the exams, I relocated far from my mum’s and got myself a teaching job. I have been raising my child as a single mum since that time. She is currently in primary one. Through the help of a fifty-six-year-old man I am dating, I have enrolled in a college to get a degree.

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The problem now is James. We met in 2022 when he came back home for a visit. He took me to meet his mum and other relatives and they all love me. He says he wants to marry me. He wants us to be a happy family. He just doesn’t know when the marriage will happen.

He is currently in the foreign country he moved to. We talk but not consistently. He can go for three weeks before he gets in touch yet he claims he loves me. When he is with me, he is the perfect man I once loved and still love. Last month he came for a visit and it was blissful. He painted a picture of what we can have if we stay together as a family. It’s a beautiful picture because I don’t wish to have kids with different men.

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My problem has to do with the fact that he doesn’t know when we will have all the things he is promising. His family loves me. He has a stable job over there. I am currently twenty-five and ready for marriage. So I don’t know what’s standing in his way.

I am wondering if I should believe him and wait for him. Or maybe I am being lied to? As for my old man, he already has two main women in his life so I know there is no future with him. I am with him because he is the one paying my school fees. I want to know, what should I make of James’ return and his promises?

— Oye

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