Two months into our relationship I found out he was talking to a girl who was our senior. It was very obvious from their chats that they were dating. When I confronted him he said, “She was my girlfriend but things didn’t work out. She came back and I took her back but I don’t love her. I have just been stringing her along. That’s why I asked you to be my girlfriend. It’s you I love.”

At that time our relationship was still new. So I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. He assured me that things were officially over with the girl, so we moved on. To prove that I could trust him, he gave me full access to his phone. I went through it whenever I wanted and I never saw anything that made me doubt his love for me.

Everybody on our campus knew about our relationship. That also gave me the assurance that he wouldn’t date anyone in school. Unless the person is comfortable with being kept as a dirty little secret. And I didn’t think anyone would want that so I relaxed. Until I came upon a chat on his phone. It was with a girl named Akpene. He told the girl to send him love messages and she did.

When I confronted him he said it didn’t mean anything. “How can you randomly ask someone to send you love messages? No context? No interest? Does that make sense to you?” I questioned. He just shrugged and maintained that it didn’t mean anything. I felt deeply in my heart that he probably had something to do with the girl but deleted their old chats so I wouldn’t have any proof. And since there was no proof, I had to let it slide.

Currently, we have been together for two and a half years. He is the textbook definition of a perfect boyfriend. When we are not together we talk constantly on the phone. There are no signs that he could be involved with another woman. We have even planned to move in together for our out-program. He is the one who paid for the place and suggested that I move in with him.

I thought it was a good idea. We would get to know how to live with each other. And I would also save whatever money I would use to rent my own place. So I agreed to live with him.

I haven’t moved in yet, but last weekend I decided to go and spend the weekend with him. When I got there on Friday, he barely paid attention to me. He was on his phone chatting and smiling. He had never behaved like that around me so I got curious. The next morning I took his phone. I wanted to see who he was texting that had him smiling the entire night. When the screen light came on, I saw that the phone was on flight mode.

Now, my curiosity transformed into suspicion. Why would anyone put their phone on flight mode? To make matters worse, I couldn’t enter the phone when I tried. He changed his password without giving me the new one. I tried several times but none of the combinations worked so I left it alone. I didn’t ask him any questions about it either.

Later in the day I took the phone and tried the password again. This time around it opened. I don’t know what changed or what influenced him to change it back. I was just glad that I could access the phone again. I went through his chats with his female contacts but I didn’t find anything. I was about to put the phone away but something told me to open his chat with his best friend. The things I saw had my mouth open the entire time I was reading the chat.

These people were talking about girls they had slept with and the ones they were yet to sleep with. It looked like my boyfriend was the instigator of everything. He told his best friend, “Chale, these girls on campus are beautiful. So if you get the chance, chop them. Me, I am not going easy on them at all.” He then listed the names of the girls he had slept with. And the ones he was currently talking to. One of them is Ama.

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His friend told him, “As for Ama, she is beautiful but she is not easy to get. So you have to be slow to gain her trust.” Kwesi then assured his best friend that no matter how long it took, he would sleep with the girl.

I was appalled by what I saw. I couldn’t stand to be in the same space with him so I just left. Later, he called to ask me why I left. That was when I revealed everything I found on his phone. “You boys are disgusting,” I lashed out at him. This guy told me that it was a joke. “How can you think I cheated on you? It’s just a game I was playing with Kwame. I haven’t slept with any of the girls I listed, trust me.” Of course, I didn’t believe him.

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So he brought his best friend to me and asked him to tell me they were just joking. I let them understand that I don’t trust anything they have to say. Kwesi then suggested, “You know those girls. So if you don’t believe us you can go and talk to them and find out the truth for yourself.” I shook my head, “No, I won’t do any of that.” He is very apologetic. He has asked me to tell him what he can do to prove that he didn’t cheat on me.

The truth is, I don’t want him to do anything. I just want him to come clean. Sure, the truth will hurt but it will also help me move on. That’s why I am here today. He is denying everything I have seen so I know he won’t tell me the truth. So I want to ask the guys here if there’s any game like that. Do men pretend to sleep with girls they haven’t slept with? Or I should just move on?

—Ella

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