I was in high school when my mother’s husband started touching me inappropriately. The first time it happened, he placed his hand on my waist. When I tried to resist, he grabbed my buttocks. I asked him to stop and he got angry. I didn’t mind though. I thought I had sent my message across, and that eventually, he would get over his anger. 

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I was wrong. My protests didn’t mean much to him. The next time he got touchy and I resisted he simply said, “Just allow me to do what I want with you.” When I said no, he warned me not to speak of his harassment to anyone. “If you tell people, it will only bring disgrace to you and your mother,” he said, “and if your mother leaves me, everyone will blame you.”

Well, I didn’t have to worry about their marriage failing because of me. I found that out when I gathered courage and told my mother about what he did. After listening to me she said, “Try not to be alone with him.” I was scared of how he would react so I begged her not to ask him about it. I think she didn’t, because the advances never ceased.

This man made me so uncomfortable at home that I developed a serious love for school. I didn’t even want to go home on vacation. Whenever we were writing exams, I would be filled with fear and anxiety. Because I knew I would go home and face the monster my mother calls a husband. 

 When he noticed the extent to which I was willing to go to avoid him, he started acting like the victim. He would complain bitterly that I disliked him for no reason, even though we both knew there were several reasons. 

One day I overheard my mother arguing with him over the issue. Maybe she started seeing it for herself and decided to speak up. Unfortunately, it didn’t help. He kept trying to get into my pants. When I felt it was becoming too much, I took his uncle’s number from his phone and reported him. The man assured me he would visit us and speak to him but the visit never happened. It was my stepfather who visited him instead. Whatever they talked about amounted to nothing.

I wasn’t ready to give up so I took another uncle’s number. This time around, the man showed up. They sat down and talked about the issue but it didn’t make any difference. I kept looking over my shoulder whenever I was home. Any little noise startled me. 

I have nowhere else to go so I continue to live with them. I have completed senior high school now. I am doing some online businesses to take care of some of my needs. I wish I could get a full-time job on the side but that seems impossible at the moment. This is because I am already working for my stepfather full-time. He sells herbal medicine.

The moment I completed school he asked me to work for him. When I turned him down he retorted, “If you won’t do it then find another roof over your head.” So I have been helping him sell his medicine since 2020. He doesn’t pay me though. I suppose the free labour is in exchange for a roof over my head. 

That’s why I had to start selling data bundles, and then ventured into mini-importation. Thankfully, I got a tutoring job recently. So I am not doing so badly in terms of affording my basic needs.

Although I am doing all these side jobs, he never shuts up about how his business must always come first. I understand he is looking out for his investment but what about me? What about my dreams of pursuing higher education so I can become financially independent in the future? I know for a fact that as long as I live and work with him I will never be free of him.

I am currently twenty-two but this man is still trying to have his way with me. He has decided that if he can’t have me then no one should have me. He checks my phone as if I am a teenager. He reads my messages, and when he finds out I am talking to a boy, he would get angry and call me all sorts of names. One time he plainly said, “You can’t live under my roof and be entertaining men. The day I find out you have a boyfriend is the day I will throw you out on the streets like a sick dog.” This is why my mother is the only one who knows about the guy I am dating.

Now, my mother is making arrangements for me to go to school. I was secretly praying and expecting it until my stepfather told me he found out about the plans. “It doesn’t matter what your mother says. I make all the decisions in this house. She is my wife so if I tell her not to do it, she won’t do it.” 

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Since then he has become more aggressive with his advances. He would insist on putting his head on my lap. He likes to do this when my mother is not home. Sometimes he would bring his mouth very close to my lady parts. I would have to either push him off and trigger his anger or twitch my body in a way to move his head away from me.

I am putting up with all this but I have started putting some money away secretly. Ironically, his business hasn’t been doing well for a while now. So my mum works extra hard to take care care of home. I have a ten year sister who is in school so I also pitch in to support her when I earn some money. 

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I hope I am able to save enough for school too. That way if he decides to become petty and insist my mother shouldn’t help me, I will handle it myself. Sometimes he tells me, “If you ever get married or achieve anything in life, I won’t be there to enjoy the fruits of my labour. You will even say I haven’t done anything for you.” This is why I know he might sabotage my mother’s plans.

While I have a plan B in place, I am wondering what I can do in the meantime to make him treat me right. I want him to see and treat me like the way a biological father treats his daughter. Is it possible that will ever happen?

—Sandra

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