I met a man who said he wanted to know more about me. I called him Mr. Andoh because he looked older. From the way he talked to me and from the tone of his text messages, I knew he wanted a relationship. He called me Ohemaa when I’d told him I was Hannah. He used “Dear” anytime he made a request. He jovially talked about the future of us as if we were married.

He was almost ten years older than I was. That alone was a thing for me. I needed a man within my age bracket. Someone I would be friends with. Someone I would grow old together with. This man wasn’t. Apart from that, he came from a tribe my parents would say no to. I didn’t want to introduce him to that struggle so right from the onset, I knew a relationship wouldn’t work between us.

He kept coming. He kept looking for an opportunity to be close to me. He wasn’t a bad person. He gave to me freely. He talked to me with respect. He said please before talking to me. It was hard telling him off so I decided I would be tactical about pushing him away.

The first time he asked for a date and I accepted, I went with my friend, Barbara. On the second date too, I went with Barbara. He didn’t complain. He spoke to us nicely. He spent on Barbara the same way he spent on me. He said he enjoyed our company so he would want us to do it again.

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Barbara couldn’t tag along on the third date so I went alone. That night he proposed to me. He even had a ring in his pocket which according to him, he had been carrying since the first date. “I couldn’t do it in the presence of your friend but I’ve been carrying it every time you were here with her.”

He looked sweet and vulnerable. I wish I could say yes but I didn’t want to lie to him and take a ring that would burn my finger so I politely said no. For several minutes he didn’t say anything. He fidgeted with the ring. He asked me, “So what should I do with this? ( Referring to the ring) I answered, “Keep it. You’ll find someone someday whose finger will fit.”

A month later, Barbara asked me, “What’s going on between you and Andoh?”

She told me Andoh has been talking to her lately. “He calls first thing in the morning and he’s always the last to call.” I told her he was a good man who found the wrong woman. She asked me, “Does it mean I can talk to him and see how it goes?” I answered, “Feel free dear. I’ve known him for a while and I think he’s a gentleman.”

Whatever they discussed, Barbara came to tell me. One day he proposed to her. I told her, “Look inside your heart and soul but don’t forget to engage your head too. If you conclude you love him, dear, go for it. I shouldn’t be the reason you say no when he’s the one you like.”

She said yes and a relationship started between them.

I saw them in photos. I saw the good things Barbara wrote about him on her status. I saw every change and every turn of their relationship because Barbara won’t stop updating the world about it. All that while, Andoh didn’t talk to me. I believe once Barbara said yes to his proposal, he stopped talking to me. He watched my status but didn’t say anything. I watched his status too. The days when he posted Barbara, I took a screenshot and sent it to Barbara and said, “Love nwantintin.”

A year and a half later they got married. I was attending the wedding of my elder sister that same day so I couldn’t attend their wedding but the mutual friends who attended came to tell me how they mentioned my name and thanked me for bringing them together. I called Barbara to congratulate and wish her well. She thanked me. She asked God’s blessings on me for taking her to her husband. My heart was glad. I knew they would tell their children about me. When they grow grey and dying, they’ll still remember how I brought them together. I was proud.

When Andoh posted their wedding photos on his status, I congratulated him and said good things about all the photos he had posted. His response was, “If you didn’t play hard to get, you would have been the one in these photos. Keep playing hard to get and a lot of good things will pass you by.”

All I said in my head was “Wow. Is that what he thinks? That I was playing hard to get?”

He was waiting for my response. I was thinking of what to say. He sent another message, “I know you’re regretting but hiding it behind those fake smiles. Next time, be true to the men who come into your life else you’ll waste your youth and die lonely. Remember you won’t always remain like this.”

I blocked him but I couldn’t block what I read from ringing in my memory. He was wrong but it still hurt. The happiness I felt was genuine but somehow, I lost it. I called Barbara. I wanted to rant. She didn’t answer her phone. When she called hours later, I pretended I was only checking up on her. I didn’t say a word about what her husband said to me.

They’ve been married since 2022. That isn’t a long time ago but their marriage has become a battlefield. Andoh doesn’t talk to me, of course, he’s been blocked but Barbara talks to me because she’s still a friend. The first time he slapped her, I was the first she spoke to. I didn’t know the advice to give her. I said, “I will pray for you but don’t stop praying for yourself.”

That wasn’t what I wanted to say. “Leave. He’ll beat you again.” That was what was in my mind and I was right. He beat her again for talking to me. He said I was the reason behind their unhappiness because I liked him but he didn’t marry me.

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I don’t want to be the reason they beat my friend so I’ve stopped talking to her, withdrawing from their relationship without leaving a shadow.

If I could turn back the hands of time, I wouldn’t have gone to see him with Barbara. Or I would have told Barbara to stay out of his way because he was doing it just because I said no to him. Now it’s too late. It’s my friend who’s bearing the brunt of love gone bad.

—Hannah

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