It’s been two years after our break up yet I can’t bring myself to find another man desirable. That’s how badly my relationship with him messed me up. On the contrary, I cannot say the same for him. He has moved on. He married another woman last weekend. After eight years of manipulating and controlling me. 

The first time I met him I thought he was an angel. I had gone to visit my school daughter in Takoradi. I was a student at the time. This guy was amazing. Once in a while, he took me to the mall to shop for clothes. We also went on fancy and intimate dates. His charm engulfed my heart and softened it toward him.

I didn’t stand a chance against him. I fell hard before he popped the question; “Will you be my girlfriend?” Of course, I said yes almost immediately. 

He was a loving boyfriend, I will give him that. He drove me to lectures every time. It’s not just that, whenever I told him I had to go somewhere, he would offer to drive me there. The love was new then so I interpreted it as, “He is such a sweet guy.” 

As the relationship progressed, I saw his actions for what they were. All along he was policing me. He wanted to make sure I didn’t talk to other men. Not even chat with them via phone. He would go through my messages and ask questions like, “Who is this person?” “Why are you talking to this guy?” This was at a point when he became too busy to make time for me. 

The original plan was that we would start making marriage preparations after I completed school. I completed school and finished my national service but this guy didn’t propose marriage to me.

At that point, I started questioning where I stood in his life. He had his own place and lived alone but he wouldn’t allow me to spend the night with him. The times we shared a room together was when we went on trips together. Not once on those trips did he attempt to touch me. 

I am a virgin but I have feelings. I would get so horny but he would tell me, “Practice self-control like I am doing.” I was told men didn’t usually have much restraint but Yaw was a special breed. 

After eight years together, my folks started asking questions. “When is the young man coming home with his family to ask for your hand in marriage?” I didn’t know what to tell them. When I went to him for answers he asked me, “Are you even ready for marriage? If I ask you to pay my rent can you pay?” It didn’t come as a surprise to me. That’s the kind of attitude he had toward marriage.

He has his own business. His family is also well-to-do. I have a job but I don’t earn much. Regardless, I manage the little I have. I never made monetary demands of him. When he bought me gifts he made sure I paid for half of it. Sometimes if he dropped me off at home he would ask me to pay for his fuel. “You know it costs a lot to drive all the way to your house.” I found myself asking what changed.

If I thought things were terrible before, they got worse. Communication became a problem. I asked him, “How did we get to this point where you can go for an entire day without talking to me?” He retorted, “I am busy thinking about myself and how to grow as a person.” My mum also asked why he stopped coming by the house. I believe that did it for him.

He came to my office to have a long conversation with me. Everything he said had to do with why he couldn’t marry me. First, he said I didn’t like change and that there was no growth in my life. Then he said my family lacked progress. “Look at your mother’s kitchen cabinet. It’s glaringly old but you haven’t changed it for her. This means you won’t make one of your own.” 

His final point had to do with my weight. He had remarked in the past that I was slim. And I was so in love with him that I promised to consume large quantities of mashed kenkey and milk regularly so I would gain weight for him. I didn’t do it so that was my third strike in his books. 

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I didn’t argue with him or try to prove that he was wrong about me. When he said I couldn’t follow his path so we should go our separate ways. I said fair enough. Then I proceeded to block him. I didn’t stop there. I called his mother and told her everything. 

Yaw got angry and later showed up at my office and warned me to stop painting him black. Then he turned around and spread lies that I was the one who broke up with him. Oh, the drama was thick. We did a lot of fighting before the storm finally calmed. 

I Had Some Hope For Marriage Until He Invited Me To His Wedding


During our fights, I asked him why he never initiated intimacy in the eight years we were together. “I don’t have time to entertain such thoughts. I am busy making money,” he yelled. Another time he told me, “It’s because I am not attracted to you. I told my brother about it and he asked me to pray but it didn’t work. That’s why I had to let you go.” Oh, so this was the reason. 

The breakup hurt but finding out he was never attracted to me hurt more than anything. Why string me along for eight good years if you didn’t want me? This experience has left me scarred. I feel like any man who tells me he loves me is just lying and would probably string me along the way Yaw wasted my time. 

— Lizzie

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