Two years into my relationship with Godwin, he became busy all of a sudden. He said he had to sort a few things in his life out. I understood him. The relationship was long-distance but I wanted to stand by him and help him through whatever he was going through.

Unfortunately, he didn’t let me. He did everything he could to keep me out. Which wasn’t a lot, actually. All he had to do was ignore me. I didn’t know where he lived or anyone in his life.

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Our entire relationship started online. Everything that happened in the relationship for the two years we were together was online.

So when he stopped answering my calls and started responding to my messages late, I couldn’t reach him any other way. I felt disappointed and sad. I couldn’t even explain the emptiness to anyone. All I kept hearing was, “How can you be heartbroken over someone you’ve never met?”

Out of frustration, I started talking to someone new. His name is Ramsey. Just like Godwin, I also met him online. I only wanted his company at first. I wanted someone who would fill the void Godwin’s busyness created. I thought Godwin would come back again and we would pick up where we left off.

However, as time went on, Ramsey and I grew closer. This guy was so good to me. He was attentive, caring, and loving. It made it easier for me to let my guard down. Before I knew it, my heart was singing his name.

It didn’t matter to him that he had yet to see me, he would send me money. The first time he did it, I was surprised. “Oh, you shouldn’t have,” I told him. He answered, “I know but I wanted to. When I like someone I give them stuff.”

I thought it was going to be a “once in a blue moon,” thing but I was so wrong. At the end of every month, he would send something. He said it was my upkeep money.

I was more than grateful for his generosity. Especially, when I considered the fact that Godwin never gifted me anything while we were together. No money. Not even a recharge card. I didn’t have any financial expectations of him so it never registered in my mind. That’s why I thought it was normal.

Ramsey and I dated online for a year before we finally met in person. He was so perfect. I was sure he was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Then he introduced me to his family.

They were nice to me at first. They said I belonged with them. I was happy. I started envisioning a life where Ramsey and I were husband and wife. I even played out family dinners and special events in my head.

In my day dreams, we had a good life together, and I had a good relationship with his family. Unfortunately, it’s not happening like that.

We are still together but his family has changed their tune. They said Ramsey is a first son. “A son in his position should not marry a woman from outside. He has to marry someone from our side of town.”

They say it’s the right thing for him to do. When I asked him what he has to say about it he responded, “Don’t worry too much about this. My family has said their peace but if God wants us to be together, no one will separate us.” What am I supposed to do with such a response?

I asked him this question because I want to know my stand. But he is not saying anything else about the issue so far.

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Although I know he loves me, I don’t want to leave things to chance. It would help to know if I belong in his future so I act accordingly.

As I am waiting around for him to let me know if there’s a chance for us to be together, Godwin is back in the picture. He wants us to start over. In fact, he came back a year ago but I haven’t given him any attention. I was too happy with Ramsey to mess things up.

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Now with everything going on with Ramsey’s family, I am starting to look at things differently. What if I wait around but he doesn’t marry me. What if a second chance is what Godwin needs to do things better?

This is why I want to know if it is a good idea to keep giving all my time and attention to my boyfriend considering what his family wants. Or should I consider giving my ex another chance? I am not sure what to do.

—Chidi

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