I’m young and beautiful. That’s what most people tell me. Men eye me like a rotisserie chicken on a grill. Women sometimes tell me they envy me. Aside from my physical appearance, I believe I am not a bad person. I know I am not perfect and that my flaws make me human. I work on the ones I can change and I embrace the ones I cannot.

Many people I come across have said to me, “You are a good woman. Any man will be lucky to call you his.” During my master’s degree, I was the only unmarried and youngest student in the class. My female colleagues used to tell me, “Afi, you are so pretty and smart. I wish I were you.” It made me shy but I would laugh and tell them, “Me too I wish I were like you. You are my role models.” I am just saying all this to say that people think my life is perfect.

A lot of them just don’t know how unlucky I am when it comes to my relationships. It started with Kay. We were friends on Facebook for more than a year before we finally met in person. I bore his mother’s name and coincidentally came from the same town as his mother. That made him like me a lot. We went on a few dates before he eventually proposed love to me. I had fallen in love with him already so I said yes.

We were always there for each other. Communication was so perfect. We knew each other’s schedule ahead of time. He was so caring. We were in a perfectly good place until that fateful night when he sent this text: “Afi, we need to talk.”

I panicked immediately. We all know nothing good comes out of that statement. Truly, what he shared with me broke me. He told me he had impregnated his ex-girlfriend so we should break up.” It was difficult for me to accept. I remember telling him, “Don’t just say we should break up. I will give you some space to rethink your decision.” Three weeks after our discussion, I came across his wedding photos on Instagram. I sent him one of the photos and congratulated him. All his excuses never made sense. It’s been over eight years and this guy is back chasing me. I learned his marriage ended two years ago.

It took me more than two years to heal from my breakup with Kay. My childhood friend had been expressing interest in me all through that while. When I felt ready, I thought of giving things a chance with him. That was my worst decision ever. He had made a bet with some friends that he would sleep with me to prove to them whether or not I was a virgin.

I only got to know that after he had ghosted me for months. We dated for six months and agreed to have shuperu. Three days after the act, he grew cold towards me. In less than a week, he had blocked me. This is the silliest way I got dumped. He texted me in 2022 apologising for how he treated me and went on to say he regrets leaving me.

Two years ago, I got into a relationship with K.B. We met through a mutual friend. My friend recommended his services to me in 2020. And I liked it so much that I also recommended it to three clients. We got to talk more as the months went by. In December 2021, we officially started dating. I told my friend a month into the relationship and he was happy for us.

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K.B. called and texted me every day to check on me. He was concerned about me and treated my problems as though they were his. This sweet side of him only lasted less than a year into dating him. The rest of the way became bumpy. Communication between us started getting bad. It began with a day or two without hearing from him to weeks and months.

He would later come and tell me, “I have been out of touch because I have not been well. And I couldn’t tell you.” He never said sorry. I thought being patient and constantly having a discussion with him about how important communication is would make him change.

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He never did. He could be online for long hours but ignore my texts. Our friend had a talk with him and he only told him I’m a good woman but he met me at the wrong time. The last time he talked to me was in October. He reacts to my posts on social media as if we are cool. A week ago, I informed him about my decision to quit the relationship. He read it but didn’t respond.

Is it that I love the wrong people or do I happen to be the wrong choice? I’ve never been a demanding partner. I support my men but it’s still not enough to keep them. I’m just hurt that anytime I find love, I’m not appreciated.

—Afi

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