A year after we got married, my husband reconnected with his long-lost girlfriend. According to what I gathered, they were madly in love before the lady travelled outside the country. He met me after they lost contact. He married me with the belief that he would never see her again. As far as I knew, I was the queen of his heart. He made me feel he couldn’t possibly love anyone the way he loves me. So when I said yes to his marriage proposal, I was certain that he would have eyes for no other woman besides me.
So I was really shocked when a year after our marriage, my husband’s old love waltzed back into his life. I was concerned about her presence but he assured me, “Honey, you have nothing to worry about. She is an old flame the wind blew back my way. I will let her know that I am a married man now and allow her to move on.” Until then, he had not done anything to make me distrust him so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
The next thing I realized was my husband making late-night calls, and sneaking off to meet whoever called him at such ungodly hours. I complained but my complaints fell on deaf ears. Things progressed quickly before I could place my finger on what was going on. My man started to go about his day with a bounce in his steps. He had a certain happiness that I knew he didn’t get from me. He easily smiled and was always in a good mood. “What’s going on?” I would ask him. “Something good is coming my way,” he would respond.
It didn’t take long for me to find out the good thing coming his way was a second wife. Yes, instead of quenching the old flame of his long-lost love, he rekindled it and decided to legitimize their adulterous affair by marrying her. The day I found out I screamed, “Dave, how could you? How could you even think of marrying another woman? Apart from the fact that our marriage is too young for this, you are a Christian, the Bible teaches against polygamy.” He responded, “If God was against polygamy, he would not have blessed King Solomon who had a thousand women at his beck and call.” I vehemently objected to the marriage but he didn’t mind me. He went ahead and did what he wanted.
It’s been eighteen years now since we’ve been married. We have two beautiful girls together, and he has four children with his other woman. Everything he does for me, he does for her as well. He has built a nice house for me and my daughters, so he has built a nice house for his other wife and her children as well. All of our kids are in prestigious schools. Because of my husband, I have travelled to different countries in the world. My rival has also done a lot of travelling thanks to my husband.
I haven’t worked a single day since we got married. My housekeeping money alone for a month is more than someone’s six months’ salary. I can’t complain in this regard and also can’t deny the fact that my husband is an amazing father and a generous husband. I don’t lack anything physically or financially. On the outside, I look like a woman who is living the dream. People close to me benefit from my marriage and they assume that I must be the happiest woman alive. What they do not know is that I am in emotional torment.
I am married to a man who married the love of his life after he married me. How is that supposed to turn out for me emotionally? There is no doubt in my heart that he does not love me as much as he loves her. He shares all his ideas, pain, problems, and joys with her. He spends more time with her than he does with me. They are always travelling together and he is always sharing happy moments with her. You would think she is his official wife by just watching them from afar.
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Over the years I have watched on as my husband and his second wife act like one big happy family while I feel like an intruder in my own marriage. I have tried all I can to make my husband love me more but it seems I might have a better chance of seducing a eunuch. It got to a point where I got frustrated and gave him an ultimatum, “Dave, I am tired of this thing we have going on. If you don’t want me to leave this marriage with my children then break up your second marriage. In the eyes of the law, it’s not even legal.”
Should I Choose My Wife And Her Son Over My Daughter?–Beads Media
He told me, “I am sorry you feel this way but I cannot do away with her and our children. Accept the fact that I am married to the two of you and let peace reign.” I am very sure that if he was giving me half the attention he gives her, I wouldn’t feel this miserable. Now I have reached my breaking point and I just want to divorce him for my peace of mind. My fear is that in this difficult economy, who is going to provide for me and my children’s needs the way my husband does?
A part of me enjoys the luxurious and soft life my husband has given me, but another part of me is breaking into pieces knowing I do not have my husband all to myself, and that he shares himself with another woman. I have spoken to his family about the pain I am feeling in the marriage but no one seems to care. They haven’t said it to my face but I can tell they want me to shut up and put up. So I am wondering, what do I do in this situation? Do I put up with his emotional neglect because of luxury, or should I walk away and face whatever hardships await me?
–Sheba
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Well, I personally think she has two options. To walk out of the marriage or cope with the situation. She can try getting along with the other lady. Collaborate with the other lady as far as being her hubby’s wife is concerned. I’m pretty sure when she does that she’ll be happier. Otherwise, he failure to go with any of the two options mentioned, will leave her unhappy. Each option comes with a consequence. She should be prepared to face them. The choice is hers.
I will advice you to stay in your marriage since your husband is taking care of you and your children ,take it to be your destiny.If you venture leaving your marriage you will surely suffer and regret it .
Hello Sheba!
I have never commented here, even though I read quite a number of stories.
Now, I applaud you for being a good woman and not causing confusion in your home.
Sheba! Let’s say your husband did better to have brought the woman home; and you know her. What if he was out there messing up with a woman you do not know? But you sense someone out there is taking your man from you?
Sheba, I will suggest you go for counselling to help you accept matters as they are. Your husband isn’t ready to divorce the other woman. Can I also say that probably because you are not happy with your husband’s decision, you may be reacting in a way that drives him away?
Sheba! I haven’t seen you, but I feel you are a kind and beautiful soul. Please don’t destroy your marriage…find a hobby, try learning something new that excites you, make time to bond with your daughters…just do anything positive to bring you joy and to lighten you up. Take your focus off the other woman and how that your husband isn’t making enough time for you. Maybe, when your attention is off them, the ‘hurt’ may lessen and who knows, you will have this vibe around you that will attract your husband to you…and before you know it, attention will be evenly shared.
Sheba, it’s been 18yrs which means you are older that I am. I am younger and may not understand you entirely.
My pastor taught about polygamy in church these past weeks and it has settled me in so many things in life and marriage.
I would love to meet and speak with you or on phone.
Sheba! Look around you and love the beautiful life your husband has given you and your children. PRAY for him, love him, love yourself too and remain the beautiful soul that you are.
Love you Sheba!!!!
God bless you Richly.
You were not his original choice and never have been. He has never truly loved you. You are the one in love with him because if he did, he would have fought for the marriage with you alone. I will advise you to quench all your feelings and emotions for him and remain respectful and submissive to him.just see him as a sex partner and father to your children otherwise, your emotional torture will be a good recipe for hypertension.
Are you a Christian? Are you thinking of eternal life? What does your church or specifically your pastor say about this your marriage of convenience? The fact that your husband prefers the other woman does not mean you are inferior and must just accept your situation, no. In God’s eyes you are not. Sometimes we have to suffer in life to achieve lasting glory. My advice is to act like a Christian, if you are one. Do what pleases God. Talk to your pastor.
If you had been saving for the past 18years he has been providing for you, you wouldn’t be thinking of who will provide for you after you divorce him. The issue with some women is, they fail to save with they had more than enough thinking they’ll always have. Assuming you have saved or been saving, you won’t be here tbinkung about who will provide. Start saving from now since your monthly allowance is more than 6month salary. The earlier the better cos it’s not too late…. You can start providing if you save enough now