I moved to where I currently live six months ago. Before I moved in here, there was someone already living here. His rent had expired and was moving out. The landlord took me to the premises to inspect the place and see if I liked it. That was when I met the old tenant. After going around to inspect the house, the landlord introduced me to the tenant there. He asked me, “Are you coming in anytime soon?” I said, “Yeah, as soon as you move out, I will take occupation of the place.”
A few days after checking the place, I had a call from a new number. He said, “I’m the guy living at the place you want to rent. I took your number from the landlord so we discuss one or two things. I said, “Shoot.” He said, “I have a dog in this house. When we came here first, there were petty thieves coming around every now and then so we got a dog. Since we got that dog, We’ve never had a visit from those thieves. The issue now is, where we are moving to, we wouldn’t need the dog. I want to know if you’ll like to keep it.” I said, “Honestly I’m scared of dogs but from what you are saying, it means I will have to also keep a dog so I will take it.” He said, “Great, you’ll have to give me something small so I leave it for you.”
I thought it was one of the local dogs we keep around. When I saw the height and thickness of the dog I asked the owner, “Is it a dog or a lion?” He said, “It’s a dog.” I said “Naaa I can’t live with such a monster. How do I control such a thing?” I needed it so I warmed up to the idea and later got the dog from him. Six months later, I’m still scared of that dog. I get close to it when I have a reason to. Other than that I stay in my lane so it also stays in its lane.
I had a boyfriend not too long afterward. We met on Facebook. His profile read like someone who was well accomplished. If you read his profile on an obitual poster, you would have respected his departed soul and probably say something like, “Too bad he had to die with all these accomplishments.” But what I read didn’t convince me. You know how easy it is for people to pad up their accomplishments on social media. They can be CEOs for four different companies, have seven degrees and be motivational speakers for eight years and still be twenty-three years. His profile didn’t move me until I met him.
We met at the mall and had a very long conversation over food. It was around 7pm when he asked me, “Would you go home with me?” I asked, “Whose home? Yours or mine?” He said, “My home of course.” That question reduced the level of my like for him by ten points. How could you meet a lady for the first time and ask her to follow you to your house?” I declined but I still gave him the benefit of the doubt. He was a nice person throughout the date and gave me a glimpse of his capability. I loved his sense of direction and the confidence he oozes any time he spoke. I went home that day and continued talking to him.
As time went on, I fell for him and decided to give him a chance and see how far the two of us will go. For one month I refused to visit him in his house. We will meet on neutral ground, chat, and part ways. He asked me, “What is it about me that scares you to visit my home?” I said, “Nothing. If I’m scared of you, I wouldn’t have said yes to your proposal. I’m not scared but I think it’s too soon to come to your house. We have a lot of knowing-me-knowing-you to do before we take that bold step. I can see he was frustrated about that decision but if a relationship is going to travel for so long then why rush into things? He was in a hurry but I wanted to take my time.
One day I invited him over. I felt I would have control over things in my house than his house. As soon as I opened the gate the dog barked from its cage. This guy quickly dashed out of the entrance back to the outside of the house. I started laughing. There was fear in his voice when he spoke. He said, “You didn’t tell me you have a dog in your house.” I said, “Sorry about that. I didn’t know you were scared of dogs. It can’t harm you from the cage so ease out the fear and walk in.” I said I’m scared of dogs but that guy’s fear of dogs was on another level. He walked timidly through the gate and rushed inside the house without turning his head to look at the dog’s cage. I kept laughing at him. I said, “You’re a man. Why are you scared of dogs?” He answered, “A dog’s bite doesn’t differentiate between a man and a woman. I beg, let me run in peace.”
His visit lasted for two hours and within those two hours, he wanted to do everything. I spent hours defending myself in my own home. We had our first kiss. I thought that was enough but this guy wanted more than that. I told him to take his time. He asked me which time he has to take again. I told him to slow down. He told me he was at his slowest. I told him, “I don’t know how long this relationship will last but I want to believe you have the future in mind when you proposed to me. If it’s the future we are looking at, then why rush?” I was able to stand against the onslaught of his desires until it was time for him to leave.
He said, “Check if the dog is in its cage.” I said, “I’m the only one here. I haven’t released it so it’s still in the cage. He said, “Go and check, please. Dogs can break out of their cages sometimes. Safety first.” I went out, looked at the cage, and called him to come out. He asked, ‘Is it locked?” I said, “Yes it is locked.” Immediately he stepped out the dog barked again. He quickly rushed to the gate without turning his neck.
From that day, he started talking about not coming to my house again because of the dog. I even started teasing him about his fear of dogs. It was a joke we made about each other. I became comfortable around him so I decided to visit his place one day. Again, he started pushing for things I was not ready to give. We kissed. I thought it was enough. But no, my boyfriend wanted more. He wanted to travel with his hands and explore with his fingers. I said, “No, that’s too soon.” He said “Yes, we’ve dated for over two months and this has to happen. What else are you waiting for?” I said, “You want it. That’s ok. I don’t hold it against you for wanting that but would you allow me to also get to the point where I want it equally as you do? I think that’s fair, right?” He said, “You don’t wait for things like this. You allow it to happen.” I said, “Not me. Psychologically I have to be ready.”
It happened too often that I thought I have to set some rules. Each day I was in his house or he was in mine, all he tried to do was to get under my skin—literary. I spent my days fighting him off than talking about the future of the relationship. I told him, “Dear, I will only allow that to happen on our honeymoon. That way, I will feel secure that you want to stay for the long term.” He was quiet for a while. I asked, “Agreed?” He said, “So why didn’t you tell me right from the beginning?” I said, “I thought you could wait. I believed you that’s why I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry.” He said, “Ok if that’s what you want, I’m cool.” I was so happy I even gave him a kiss for that.
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I’m not a child. I knew somewhere along the line it will happen. I only wanted him to take his time but immediately after that discussion, his calls stopped coming like they used to. His text messages became far and few. When I called, we spent less time on the phone than we used to. This went on for weeks. This was a guy who wanted me in his house all the time. After that discussion, I could call and ask to visit him and he would give me excuses. I will say, “Ok, why don’t you come around then? I’ve cooked your favorite meal. I’ll serve your favorite drink. Just come around.” He will answer, “I’m scared of your dog. One day it will break free and I may become its meat.” So two weeks ago, I told him, “I think we need to talk. When do I see you?” He said, “You can come around on Saturday.”
Saturday I was there. I asked him, “What’s happening to us? For some time now everything has changed. You’re withdrawing and it’s so visible even Stevie Wonder can see it.” He said, “I’m not withdrawing. I’ve been busy that’s why.” I said, “Your job hasn’t changed. Or?” He said, “There are other things you don’t know about but I’ve been quite busy.” I asked, “So when would you snap out of that busy schedule?” He answered, “Maybe soon. I don’t know for sure.”
It continued for a while. I knew the relationship won’t come back to the way it used to be. I’m not stupid, I knew the reasons for his behavior. I called him one day and told him, “I know you don’t like me again. Be a man and say it.” He said, “The truth is I’ve been thinking about the whole thing and I believe you have someone else in your life. You’re only trying to keep me around just in case. Because it doesn’t make sense that you’ll ask for sex after marriage when you’re not even a virgin. There’s someone you sleep with and there’s me you keep just in case things don’t turn out right between you and that guy. Even the way your dog behaves when I’m there proves my point. How long have I been coming there? Several times. Yet your dog still barks at me each time it sees me. It does that because I’m not the one.”
I wanted to laugh but I held on. I asked, “So you’ve already decided to leave and yet kept me in the dark?” He said, “I haven’t decided on anything. I’m only telling you.”
I stopped calling him and his calls stopped coming. When someone wants to leave a relationship, They’ll find a reason, no matter how small or insignificant that reason is, they’ll hang on to it until they disappear totally. He’s gone. He should stay gone. At least, I still have my dog. And it still barks at strangers. That’s ok. I’m good for now.
–Pokuaa
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