I was twenty when I gave birth to a set of twins. By then, I was living with my mum while my boyfriend was living elsewhere. When the kids turned nine months old, we decided to move in together. His aunt had a place in another town that came in handy.

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It’s been almost eight years since we made that move, and so much has happened during this period.

There was a time when my baby daddy had to move away for work. So it was left with me, the twins, and his aunt. He visited us whenever he got the chance. When he wasn’t around too, we spoke regularly. He made sure we knew that he was out there toiling away because of us.

Our relationship was everything I had always wanted. The only thing that was left was that we were not officially married. “As soon as I put some money away, we will perform the necessary rites so I can call you my wife,” he promised. I understood that we had responsibilities so money was tight.

Having one child is a lot of responsibility as it is. Then two of the same age. You have to pay for everything double. From clothes to school fees to toys. Everything a child needs to be happy, we had to get double of it. This made our savings toward marriage quite slow.

I didn’t make a big deal out of it though. All that mattered to me then was that I was in a stable relationship with the father of my children.

Along the line, I stopped attending church. I had stumbled upon some Biblical truths that did not align with the doctrines of the church I was attending.

When my baby daddy’s aunt realised I was no longer in church she invited me to hers. I felt it wasn’t the right place for me, so I did not go.

I kept looking around until I found a church that aligned with my beliefs. So I joined them.

While I was happy about my newfound faith, my baby daddy wasn’t. He said he didn’t like the doctrines of the church.

“I feel I belong there,” I explained.

He wouldn’t have it. “It’s either you quit that church or I leave you,” he threatened.

I thought he was joking. How could he throw away everything we built together because he didn’t like my new church?

He even said he would go in for another woman, but I didn’t mind him. I stood my ground and held on to my faith.

As I write this, he has another woman. I was devastated when it happened. This is a man I saw the rest of my life with. Most importantly, I never wanted to have kids with different men. But his decision plunged me into that reality. What even hurt me more than anything is that he stopped being present for his children when he left me.

I thought I would never stop crying. Nonetheless, I woke up one day and told myself, “Even if I cry a river, it won’t mend my broken heart.” That’s how I wiped my tears and planned the rest of my life without him.

I enrolled in the university. School kept me busy. The busyness helped me heal. I am almost done, and now I have a man too. His name is Barnabas.

My new love is from my faith. I get warm and mushy feelings in my belly when I see him with my kids. He is gentle and sweet with them in a way I have never witnessed with their biological father.

Things are not going so well for him when it comes to money but he is ready to marry me today if I give him the green light.

I have accepted him in every way possible but my family is standing in the way of our future.

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My parents asked me, “Why do you want to invite trouble into your home?”

This is because there is bad blood between Barnabas’ tribe and my baby daddy’s tribe. There’s an ongoing conflict between the tribes.

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“Do you want to have a family that’s divided? Your twins and the children you have with Barnabas will not be united because of this tribal conflict.”

I don’t buy into their train of thought. I believe my children will be united because of the way I raise them. Should I then go against my parents and marry my Barnabas?

— Leticia

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