I am a 31-year-old woman with two children. I’ve been married for five years, and until recently, I thought I understood the man I married.

Everything changed in 2023 after I had my second child. My husband’s behaviour and attitude shifted completely. His work required him to stay in an apartment provided for staff, so he only came home twice a week. Then, gradually, he stopped coming home at all. On the rare days he did, he would leave that same evening and refuse to sleep in the house.

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In August 2024, his batch was reshuffled. He was supposed to resume staying at home and commuting to work. But the man who returned was not the man I married.

There are all sorts of strange behaviours. Late-night calls. Refusing to answer certain numbers. Phone always on silent. Sitting in his car at night for hours before coming inside. Every sign screamed that something was wrong.

On 24th December 2024, I woke up at dawn and caught him holding my phone, trying to search for something. He asked why a man had called me “sweetheart” in my messages. I apologised just to restore peace, and we moved on. But his behaviour continued to worsen.

Then I noticed a particular woman stalking me on TikTok — the same name that kept calling his phone. By March this year, the signs were too loud to ignore. I took his phone. What I saw first were naked videos and pictures of different women. Before I could process it, he caught me. He was enraged that I went through his phone. He didn’t even ask questions. He slapped me and pounced on me. It was our neighbours who saved me.

I packed my bags but he begged me to stay. He said it was the devil. Because it was the first time something like that had happened, I chose to stay and work on our marriage.

From May to October, nothing changed. My spirit kept telling me there was more. So I took the risk again. What I discovered this time shattered every illusion I had about my marriage.

I realised I had married Ghana’s own Balthazar. He sleeps with every woman he encounters. He has a secret porn page. He calls women to eat his a**. Oh, but there’s worse.

He uses drugs. He also uses dildos on himself while dressed as a woman. He would wear lingerie, women’s clothes, and also act like a woman. I know this because he records countless sexual acts without showing his face, except in a few videos. 

I managed to secure copies of most of these videos, and that was when my eyes finally opened. I knew I needed a divorce.

Here is where the complication starts:

We originally married customarily, not by ordinance. In 2023, as a nurse planning to travel through an agent, they requested an ordinance certificate. We got the certificate but our travel plans fell through. So technically, our union is under ordinance.

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Last week, because he accessed my iCloud and discovered I had some of his videos, he woke me up at dawn and said, “If you won’t stay away from my phone then let’s get divorced legally. I will remarry you customarily.” I just laughed and said, “This man.”

We have a building project at the roofing level. He says if I want us to finish it, we must invest 50/50. If I agree that the marriage is over then we should sell it and share the proceeds.

On top of that, he threatened me that if I don’t take care, someone else will raise my children for me. This means he intends to fight for full custody. He is in the security service so he has some influence. That’s why I don’t want to call his bluff.

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I know I am done. Done emotionally. Done physically. Definitely done spiritually. The things I’ve seen on his phone are devilish and disgusting.

I need counsel from the lawyers and legal minds on this page. How do I go about the divorce process safely without losing my children?

—Hagar

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