When we started dating we lived close. There was nothing like long distance between us. I saw him when I missed him and he also came to see me when he felt like it. Even when we were apart, I felt his presence everywhere I went. I believe it has to do with the knowledge that we belonged to each other.

Back then I didn’t go to bed wondering what he was up to. But now things have changed. There is distance between us. When it came to light we would have to live apart, we didn’t fret. “People do long-distance all the time and it works,” we said, “we can do it too.”

The early days were not so bad. We kept in touch consistently. “I miss you,” he would tell me. “I wish you were here,” I would respond. We would have long conversations talking about the things we did. I was sure we would make it but things are too different now.

We moved from regular conversations to talking to each other from time to time. I made the effort. When his calls became few mine became more. When my phone became empty of his texts, my texts flooded his phone.

I tried to get his attention but it was difficult. At some point, I became tired and sent him a message saying, “This doesn’t feel like a relationship to me anymore. So I have decided to move on.” All of a sudden he started giving me attention.

He called me consistently. He sent me messages regularly. He was quick to respond to my messages as well. Every little chance he got, he professed his love for me. It gave me hope. I told myself he would come around, “Let me be patient with him.”

As soon as I started feeling safe in the relationship again, he went back to communicating poorly again. I complained but nothing changed. The moment I said I was leaving, he started acting right. The cycle keeps going on but time is also passing. The relationship is currently one year old.

Recently we agreed that I would visit him. I bought my ticket, only for this guy to cancel on me last minute. I had some things to go and do in his town so I went anyway.

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Two days after I arrived I called to tell him I was around. “Well, since you are already here come and see me,” he said. When I got there I met another lady. I asked him about her and he said she was just someone who was forcing herself on him.

He claims he doesn’t give her face but this very lady has come up in our conversations before. He talks to her every day. When I tried to get answers he changed his tune. He told me I am just his friend. Me?

Yes, me. According to him, “You and I have been in the friendship stage all this time. But I want you to know that I love you. Just give me time to sort out a few things.” What does this even mean?

I honestly don’t understand what he means but that’s all he is willing to say. Is it that I have been in this relationship alone all this while? While I thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend, he only saw me as a friend. Do friends go about telling each other, “I love you?” I couldn’t have been mistaken about our relationship. So what is he trying to tell me?

— Marie

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