He assured me that he wouldn’t sleep with me until we get married. And me too I was a fool to believe him. Even if I didn’t, what choice did I have? I needed money to buy sanitary pads. My mother said she couldn’t afford it. That’s why I resorted to using rags. When I had enough of the rags, I had to do something to afford sanitary pads. So I did Ebo.

It happened only once. Just that one time, and I got pregnant. My parents threw me out their house when they found out. So I moved in with Ebo and his family. I was in my final year in SHS preparing to write my WASSCE.

Living with them was not easy. I endured all sorts of insults from his family. One time, his elder sister beat me up. She said I ruined her brother’s life when I had a baby for him. As for Ebo himself, he brought home a new woman everyday.

I stayed in that toxic relationship for eleven years. He was my first relationship so I was naïve enough to think he would change. When it dawned on me that he would never change, I packed my bags and moved back to my parents’ house.

I swore off men. I just wanted to focus on my child and the work of God. Through that I started getting close to a pastor friend of mine. I was just leaning on his friendship to get through a difficult time. Unbeknownst to me, he had fallen in love with me.

When he finally proposed to me I was shocked. I told him, “Augustine, you know what I have been through. I don’t want to get involved with another man.” He assured me that he would treat me like a treasure. He said I wouldn’t question my worth in his life. I had known him for three years, and the entire time he had been good to me. So I figured I knew him well enough to marry him.

Our marriage was a long distance one but we made it work. We spoke on the phone for long hours. We knew everything that the other was doing. We were transparent with each other at all times. He is a man of God so he is always attending programs. Sometimes he would travel for days before he would return home.

I never questioned what he does when he is away. That’s how much I trusted him. There is a lady in our neighborhood. She has four children with a man who abandoned them. She started getting close to my husband out of nowhere. When I asked him about it he said, “You know I am a man of God. She comes to me for counseling. She also attends my prayer meeting.” I didn’t think much of it so I let it go.

Another time I realized that he was texting his ex. When I complained he said, “You know I am a man of God. I am helping her with some personal problems.” I accepted explanations for the sake of peace.

However, as time went on I realized that something had changed about him. Every time he travelled for programs, he wouldn’t answer my calls. This is someone who used to stay on the phone with me for hours. So what changed?

One time he traveled again. I called him the entire time but he didn’t pick up. Then at some point, he called me. He sounded very tired. He said the road was very bad. That was the excuse he gave every time he didn’t call. That day he said he was going to sleep at his brother’s house.

Later, I was going through his phone when I came upon a chat between him and his cousin. The lady said, “Augustine, your ex said you slept with her when you came to town. She said she wasn’t in her safe period. She wants me to tell you that if she gets pregnant she will bring the pregnancy to you and your wife.”

I took a screenshot of the chat and closed it. It turned out the night he claimed he was sleeping in his brother’s house was a lie. He was with his ex.

When he got home I asked him, “Were you with your ex when you were on one of your programs?” He denied it. I asked him again but he denied it again. He almost swore on our baby’s life. So I showed him the chats. That was when he admitted it.

He knelt down and started apologizing. When I said I was leaving him, he took a knife and threatened to stab himself. I took the knife from him and told him, “Even if I leave you, I won’t say a word about your behaviour to anyone. It is a shame for me if people get to know this is the kind of man I married.”

The moment I said that he said, “I can’t force you to stay against your will so if you want to stay you can stay. If you want to go too, I won’t stop you.” I was shocked. We had had a baby by then. So I was surprised that he didn’t fight for me to stay. When I asked him he said he would have fought for me if he thought I would tell people about his infidelity.

READ ALSO: I Introduced Him To My Parents But He Chose My Younger Sister

I love this man. So despite everything he has done, I am still here. I know his ex is still in the picture. I know the lady with four children is also lurking in the shadows.

I even saw him standing in an inappropriate position with his cousin. I told him it wasn’t right for cousins to behave that way so he shouldn’t do it again. Augustine went to tell his cousin about it, and it almost became a family issue.

I’ve Thought About How To Blame God

He doesn’t protect me in the presence of other people. I don’t call him on the phone anymore. Sometimes we go for days without talking to each other. When I dreamed of marriage, this was not what I envisioned.

I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. My family will laugh at me when they find out. My friends will probably also mock me. People think my marriage is perfect, but only I know what I am dealing with. I can’t leave him. So I am sitting here praying and hoping that God will change his heart.

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—Mercy

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