I’ve been with this man for years now. We’ve built something that, at its core, feels like love. I believe in what we have. I truly do. I didn’t think about the possibility of not marrying him until some events unraveled recently. All of it was caused by just one thing about him. I tried to accept it as who he is at first but it has gotten to a point where I feel he is doing too much.

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Mousse is controlling. I am not even using the words lightly. We are currently not on speaking terms because of his behaviour. And I am seriously contemplating leaving him.

From the very start of our relationship, I’ve never stopped him from doing the things he enjoys. Meeting his friends, attending to other people he believes are worth his time, and partying. Whatever he wants, he does. I don’t stand in his way.

I’ve always told him, “We’re adults. I don’t have a problem with you living your life as long as you’re doing the right thing and not doing anything to disrespect me.” And I meant it. He goes out with his boys, hits the clubs, and attends parties. I’ve never questioned him. Never complained even when he stayed out late. After all, we’re not kids.

Unfortunately, he has never extended me the same courtesy. He acts like a jailer when it’s my turn to have a social life.

I remember the first time it happened. My friend invited me to her graduation. I was excited. I couldn’t wait to dress up and sit among the audience and cheer her on. When the day arrived, Mousse simply stated, “You are not going.” Just like that. When I insisted I was going, it ended in a big fight. He won. I didn’t go.

Then came a girls-girls dinner me and my friends had planned for weeks. Once again, he flatly told me, “Forget it. You are not leaving the house.” By then I was at his place. He was in a foul mood until I decided not to go.

There was another time when my best friend was seriously ill. She was admitted at the hospital. A group of us planned to visit her. But this man he refused to let me go. When I insisted, he looked me in the face and asked, “Are you a doctor?”

The next time, it was another one of my best friends who lost her brother. I was supposed to go and support her. She needed my presence and my comfort. I explained this to Mousse but he found a way to foil my plans to show up for my friend. How could I have told my friend, “I am sorry I didn’t come to your brother’s funeral. My man didn’t let me.” I just made up an excuse that didn’t add up. Our friendship hasn’t been the same since that time because of this.

I thought that was the worst that could happen but I am finding out that there’s more. This last incident has pushed me beyond my breaking point.

A close friend of ours just passed away. It shook everyone. I’m the leader of our group, and from day one, I’ve been the one coordinating everything—calls, meetings, updates. We all agreed to travel a day before the burial. I made sure to inform him early. I didn’t want any last-minute drama.

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And yet, here we are. Four days before the trip, and he’s already said no. Just like that. He never gives me his reasons for asking me not fulfill these social obligations. He just says, “Don’t go,” and expects me to do as told, no questions asked.

This time around I refused to cave. We argued and I told him, “Leave me alone. I’m not your wife. I’m your girlfriend. I have my own life. We don’t live together. We both pay our own bills. So why do you think you have the right to control me?”

I Was Fine Until I Was Alone In My Room

Right now, we’re not on speaking terms. The tension is thick. I’ve made up my mind to attend the funeral, whether he likes it or not. I have decided that I will break up with him when I return.

But I keep asking myself, am I going too far?

— Bella

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