I met him on a Facebook group. I had a fight in the group and everyone was on me that day. It was about a post I made that people thought wasn’t right for a woman to make that post. I defended my stand and through defending my stand, I got a lot of people disagreeing with me and some even went to the extent of throwing insults my way. A lot of people hated my argument but I had a lot of people supporting my argument too. One of those people was Stanley. He was all over the thread defending my stand. I saw it and I acknowledged him. That day I sent him a message and we talked extensively.

We never spoke again until months later I saw his friend’s request. When I accepted him, he came into my inbox again and we talked. Later we realized we had a lot of things in common. He is a Methodist and I’m a Methodist too. He loves music and loves the same artist that I love. He’s an Arsenal fan and I’m an Arsenal fan too. These common interests led us into talking about various territories of our lives. At some point, he asked for my contact and he gave me his contact too.

One day I found myself yawning while talking to him on the phone. I checked the time and it was 12: 45am. I wanted to sleep but I didn’t want to stop talking to him. That’s how enchanted I got whenever I spoke with him. No matter how long the conversation lasted, I still wanted more. Our good mornings turned into “Shall meet?” After we met, our good nights turned into, “Would you be my girlfriend?” Since he had been so good a communicator and my source of humor, I said yes to him.

We talked morning till evening and carried our fooling to Facebook. I’ll make a post and he would come and make a funny comment under it. I will insult his head (because he has a big head) and he’ll come and insult my height (because it’s the only thing he could attack). If you see 100 comments under my post, the thread between me and Stanley would be over 75 comments.

One day Efua asked me, “You and Stanley, what’s going on?” I asked her, “Do you know him? What have you seen?” I asked that question because Stanley wasn’t a mutual friend on Facebook. She said, “I know Stanley very well and I see his comments most often under your post.” I said, “He’s a very good friend of mine. Is anything the matter?” She answered, “If he’s only a friend then that’s ok.” I pushed her to tell me what the issue was but she didn’t.

I’ve known Efua since our university days and she was one of the friends I kept for so long until she got married. Before marriage, it was always me and her and our other friend Alberta. We went to places together and whenever there was chilling somewhere, the three of us made plans and attended. She started withdrawing from us when she met the guy she finally got married to. After she got married the friendship between us became none existent.

When I pushed her and she didn’t say anything, I called Stanley. I asked him, “Do you know Efua?” He asked me, “Which Efua?” I described her to him but he didn’t remember her until I added the surname. He said, “Oh yeah I know her. She got married recently right?” I said, “Yeah, she’s the one.” I asked again, “She seems to know you and you also know her. She asked about you from me today but she wouldn’t give details. How did you get to know her?” He asked me, “Is she your friend?” I went on and on telling him how well I knew Efua and the extent of our friendship before she got married.

He said, “I met her on Facebook some years ago. We became friends but along the line, we fell out.” I asked him, “What sort of friendship?” He said, “Oh nothing serious. She was someone I chatted with inbox and later got her number. We met quite a few times but things didn’t work out so we moved on.” I asked, “If you say things didn’t work out, do you mean you dated?” He said, “I won’t call what happened between us a date or a relationship. We found out very early that things won’t work out so we stopped right there.” He asked, “What did she tell you about me?” I answered, “She won’t talk about it, that’s why I’m asking you.”

His answers left a lot of clues. He sounded like there was more he was not ready to tell me so the next day, I called Efua. She said, “Stanley called me last night. He said, you guys discussed me but let me tell you the truth here though he asked me last night not to tell you anything. I dated him for two months. I also met him on Facebook just like you also met him. He came into my life with bells and whistles. He said the right thing and made the right move so even when I was determined to take it slowly with him, I couldn’t. We had sex and continued doing a lot of crazier stuff until one day his girlfriend sent me a message warning me to stay off him. I had time to engage the girl for a while and she also told me she met him on Facebook. When she described how she met him and how they became lovers, it was exactly the same way he used to get me.”

Now I was very confused. I asked her, “How did you meet him and how did he work his way into your life?” She said, “It was on that Facebook group. He commented often on my posts. He later sent me a friend’s request. He called every day with this humorous aura. We met and he…” I said, “It’s ok.” She asked me, “You met him the same way, right?” I said, “Don’t worry, I will take it from here.” She said, “You have to be very careful with him. That’s his modus operandi. He gets the girls often, use them, and dump them.”

When I met Stanley I asked him, “So why didn’t you tell me the truth when I asked you about Efua?” He said, “I told you everything.” I said, “You didn’t tell me you dated for two months. You didn’t tell me your girlfriend warned her to stay away from you. You didn’t tell me you meet girls on Facebook and took advantage of them. You didn’t tell me anything until she did.” He said calmly, “You don’t expect someone I broke up with bitterly to tell you the truth about me, do you?” I said, “You broke up with her bitterly so why didn’t you tell me when I asked you about her.”

READ ALSO: She Wants Me To Spend Every Minute Of The Day Talking To Her

We went back and forth all day but we couldn’t resolve anything. I trust Efua. She won’t lie to gain anything from someone she had nothing to with gain. I told him later that day that whatever we started had come to an end. I didn’t want to be his next victim. I called. He tried to convince me to stay with him. He apologized for not telling me all the truth. He said, “That was my past and I didn’t want it to come between us.” I still didn’t buy the idea. It’s been seven months since I broke up with him but he had never relented in trying to get me back.

On my birthday he sent me a very thoughtful gift. On his birthday, he invited me out and I went. I said, “It doesn’t change anything. I’m doing it for old time’s sake.” That day, he said all the good things. He made all the good promises. He said, “Those things I did remain in my past. You’re my present and that’s all I have my mind on.” I told him, “The fact that you are an ex to my friend means a lot to me even if we put aside the way you treated her.” He said, “That your friend is married now. Won’t you think about your own future when hers is settled?”

He has ways with words and that scares me too. I want to give him a second chance but I’m scared he’s doing all this just because he was not able to ‘eat’ me before I left. What should I do? Should I trust him? Should I throw away the fact that he had a history with my friend? Should I trust that he won’t change after ‘eating’ me?

–Yayra    

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG