All I cared about was making big moves for myself and getting a degree. I was a house rat with no social life. I was either at home or at school. People close to me always encouraged me to go out and meet new people but I just wouldn’t do it. One day I got a call from a friend. “Someone I know is looking for a wife and I believe you two will be good for each other. I want to give him your number. What do you think?” I felt there was no harm in getting to know him.

Five days later, I received a message from a foreign number. I had heard a lot of negative stereotypes about men who live overseas so I lost interest in this potential match when I got to know that he lived abroad. It was the man who was looking for a wife. However, I found him interesting. This made me give him a chance.

He didn’t beat about the bush. He told me, “I am at an age where I am ready to settle down. Is marriage on the table for you right now?” I said I didn’t have a problem with marriage as long as I was done with school. “Are you willing to wait for me to finish first?” He agreed.

Over time I fell hard for this guy. Let’s just say giving time and attention to someone eventually makes you love them. That was what happened in my case. Three months down the line he came to Nigeria and I met my man for the first time. Meeting him made me even love him more. He was everything I wanted. We spent hours talking. By then I was home from school because of an ongoing strike. This afforded me the time to get to know him more.

By November of that same year, I had to go back to school. I am a medical student. Getting back to school after eight months of strike meant a lot of work had to be done for us to catch up. I no longer had as much time on my hands to talk to my boyfriend for long hours. He started complaining about it.

I believe I did the best I could to balance medical school and a long-distance relationship. I faced a lot of challenges but I was determined to make it work. After all, I was with someone I believed to be the one. I made up my mind that I wasn’t going anywhere else.

I’m a very reserved person and I knew sharing was going to be a problem in the relationship so I consciously tried to share things with him. I talked to him about my friends, school, and sometimes my family. It still wasn’t enough for him. He constantly complained that he didn’t know enough about me. Meanwhile, he wouldn’t share every aspect of his life with me. He said I wasn’t his wife yet.

By the time the year ended, we were quarreling frequently. It was all about the fact that I was not giving him enough time. I actually tried to make him see reason but maybe I didn’t try hard enough.

When 2023 began we still had issues. By May, things got worse. He said he wanted us to get married while I was still in school. We had an agreement at the beginning of the relationship, so why try to change it now? He just wanted a wife because according to him he wasn’t getting any younger.

One day we argued about it. Out of anger, I told him, “If all you care about is marriage then go and marry someone else.” It hurt him. Of course, I didn’t mean it. I regretted the words the moment I spoke them. I apologized. “It’s alright. I forgive you,” he assured me. I believe things got better between us after that.

Months later, he talked about his plans to visit Nigeria. I was literally the happiest girl on earth. When the time came he arrived. For five days, this man did not answer my calls. I was worried. I thought something had happened to him. When I finally got through to him he said, “Stop calling me incessantly. Nothing happened to me. I’m okay.” I couldn’t believe it. I felt pained but what can a girl in love do?

A few days later he said he wanted to see me. I went to meet this man and all he kept talking about was getting married. Nothing else. Regardless, the meeting ended on a good note and we both went home. I was happy that I finally got my man back. I planned several outings for us and he consented to all of them.

For one of our meetings, I booked a hotel room because I wanted to spend intimate time with him. He also wanted it. I explained that I was not in my safe period. He answered, “That’s even good. I want to marry you so a baby will be a plus.” At this point, I was already in my finals so I consented to everything.

A few days after our encounter, my man was acting more withdrawn than before. I didn’t get upset when it started. Rather, I made excuses for him. But it got to a point where it was just too much. So I finally let him know that I was no longer interested in the relationship. “Don’t leave me please,” he begged, “I have been absent because of some family problems I am dealing with. Give me some time to get my head right.” I loved him so I gave him another chance to do things right.

After a week, my man came to tell me that he started soliciting other relationships when I told him to wait. He admitted that he had been with someone else for months. Sincerely, that information shattered me. I’m just four months away from graduating so how could he have the heart to do that to me? After all this, he said to me, “Just wait. I haven’t made my choice yet.”

Another week came with another blow. He broke up with me. “I have moved on. Don’t call or text me again. Everything you did to me a year ago is still with me. I am not sure I can forgive you for all of it.” Those were his words.

“What if I miss my period? I could be pregnant, you know.”

“Abort it.”

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A week later he got married to someone who was not me. I was crushed but not as crushed as I was when I found out I was pregnant with his child. He said I was trying to use the pregnancy to manipulate him. This was something we both consented to.

When all this went down, I blamed myself that I wasn’t mature enough. I even believed that I didn’t communicate properly. But now, I know I am not perfect but the fault is not mine. If anything, I have been wronged. I honestly didn’t do anything to warrant this.

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He has been calling me incessantly. He wants to know what I am going to do with the child. “Think about this carefully. You wouldn’t want to end up a second-hand woman.” That’s what he said the last time we spoke.

I have been thinking since this whole thing happened. I don’t know what to do about the pregnancy. I am about to graduate school and start my career. Yet here I am pregnant with a child that now belongs to a man who just got married. What do I do?

–Ada

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