Kwame and I work in the security service. I believe that was what made our mutual friend decide to introduce us in 2020. The fact that we had the same job in common. Truly, it was easy for us to kick things off. 

Things were not exactly smooth between us when the relationship first began. However, we made it a point to solve whatever problems we encountered. Most of the time, he was the one who always apologized first.

The plan was for us to get married as early as possible. Therefore, we did not hesitate to involve our families. When his people met me, they accepted me as one of theirs. When I took him home to my folks, they were happy to meet him. Acceptance from both our families was all the green flag we needed to continue down our path.

In 2021, pregnancy happened. We agreed that we were financially ready for a child. So we kept it. By the time I had the baby, he was transferred to another town near me. The baby was too small for us to make trips to his place. It was more convenient for him to visit us.  He was supposed to visit us every weekend. 

What I didn’t expect was to start hearing rumours that the father of my child was involved with another woman. I didn’t believe it at first. I would hear the news but brush it aside with a laugh or a joke. “People can talk o,” I would say in my quest not to take the things I hear about my partner from other people to heart. 

I only started taking the things I heard seriously when he started behaving strangely. I went to do my own findings and got to know the lady he was seeing. I learned everything I could about her.

I didn’t want to give him the opportunity to lie so I kept quiet until I was ready to travel with the baby. We went there in December last year to pay him a surprise visit. He wasn’t expecting me so he couldn’t hide his indiscretion. I found the lady in the room with him that night. 

It turned into a fight between Kwame and me. While we were in the middle of our heated argument he said, “What are you even doing here? Leave! Take the baby and go back to where you came from.” Of all the worst-case scenarios I played in my head, this was not part of it. That he would sack me and his child because of another woman. To say that I was shocked is an understatement.

It turned out he did that because the lady was pregnant with his child. When I found out I returned to my station with my child. During that period I discovered that I was pregnant again. This time around I had no desire to have the baby. 

I spoke to someone and got some drugs to take care of it. It was a decision I took without telling him I was pregnant. I just wanted to quietly get rid of it and then break up with him. 

When I took the drugs there was some bleeding. I assumed that meant I was done with the process. Five months down the line I discovered that I was still pregnant. My parents asked me not to get rid of it. Kwame’s mother also encouraged me to continue the pregnancy. She was a support system for me throughout the process. I even went to her place and delivered. She is like a mother to me.

The other lady also gave birth. She already had three kids before the one she had with Kwame. Unlike me she is unemployed. Due to this, she is always complaining that he doesn’t give her enough money. She tells Kwame’s mother how well my daughters are taken care of. “Why can’t he show the same care for my child?” 

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What nobody tells her is that our baby daddy gives each child GHS400. This doesn’t even cover their basic needs. I take care of the rest of their needs, including all the fancy things that make them look pretty. So her envy is misdirected. Maybe if she had a job she would take care of the things Kwame’s money doesn’t do for her. 

Now here is my problem. Kwame has been talking about marriage for the past three months. However, I told him I am not ready. It’s because I haven’t gotten over his infidelity. I am scared he will do worse if I go ahead and marry him. 

I Called Her Affair Partner And He Said Something I Will Never Forget

He asked his mother to speak to me. I explained my fears to her. After that, he came to tell me, “You don’t have to worry about her or any other woman coming between us. When we get married I will take the child from her and bring her to you.” The thing is, I can’t do that. I hold nothing against the kid but she will always remind me of his betrayal. 

This is where I need your advice. Is it a good idea to still marry him, knowing how I feel? Even if I forgive him eventually, what is the likelihood that he has truly changed? Or should I just concentrate on myself and raise my kids as a single mother? 

— Trudy

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