After dating for three years, you’ll expect that marriage would follow, or at least a talk about marriage. You’ve seen it all. You know each other inside and out and if after three years you still have love for each other, then nothing stops you from getting married. That wasn’t the case when it came to me and Richmond.

After three years of dating, on my birthday, he bought me a promise ring. Before he bought it and presented it to me, we had a discussion on it and I made it clear to him that I didn’t want to wear a ring that only makes a promise. I wanted a ring that makes a statement—a statement that I’m married to someone else and I have that person’s name at the end of mine. That I’m owned and off the market. Out of reach. After three years, every lady deserves that.

But I could understand his situation too. Marriage wasn’t in his plans at that moment because according to him, there were edges to sharpen and rivers to cross before he finally gets married. I wasn’t pressuring him to do more than he could. I was only loving him and being patient but he was bent on giving me a promise ring.

I told him I didn’t want it. “If you will marry me in the near future, you don’t have to give me a ring to prove it. Your words are enough, that’s why I’m still sticking with you.”

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But on my birthday, he pulled a surprise on me by presenting a promise ring to me. Looking at how good the ring looked and how shiny it was, it might have cost him a lot of money so I took the ring, marveled at its beauty and put it on right before him. He said, “I knew you would like it. See how it dazzles on your finger. It’s not for nothing. It’s a promise that you’re in my mind 24/7.”

A week later, the ring was missing. Honestly, it was my fault. Because I didn’t want questions from friends and colleagues and even from my siblings, I picked and chose where and when to wear the ring. Sometimes it was in my purse. In the evening it would end up in my drawer. I would wear it to certain places and wore it when I was meeting him.

One morning, I looked everywhere I suspected it might be and couldn’t find it. It was only a week and I couldn’t let it go missing like that so I searched the drawers, searched every purse I’d used and searched through my soul, but I couldn’t find it. But I had hopes that it might have dropped somewhere so maybe I would bump into it someway somehow. It was the reason I didn’t tell him immediately.

When we met, he asked about the ring and I told him I forgot to wear it. He was not happy about it so just imagined if I told him it was missing. When I went back home, I searched again. A week later we met. Again he asked about it and I told him I forgot to wear it. He screamed, “Why do you even take it off? For what? It’s a ring and it can be worn anytime anywhere, even through fire and rain. I knew it. I shouldn’t have wasted my money on it.”

Looking at the way he was angry, I decided not to let his anger go to waste. You know, he would get off the anger only to be told later that it’s missing and then he would go back to being angry again. I didn’t want that so right there I told him the truth. We were at a bar waiting for his friends. I told him, “To be honest with you, it looks like I’ve lost the ring. I’ve been searching for it for over two weeks now. It’s missing. I’m sorry. That’s why I don’t wear it these days.”

“What? What do you mean it’s missing? You misplaced over GHC2,000 worth of ring in less than a month? How? What were you thinking?”

I didn’t answer any of those questions. Honestly, I didn’t have answers and the place we were also wasn’t conducive. He was getting loud. He went quiet for a few minutes and said nasally, “I should have known.” He then got up and left.

There was speed in his strides. If I followed him, there would have been a scene so I sat still and watched him walk away. A few minutes later, just when I was about to get up and leave, I saw his friends coming. One asked where he was and I told him he just left. The other friend had a call and it was Richmond. He told them something happened so he wasn’t coming. The friend asked, “But your girlfriend is here?” He responded, “Who’s my girlfriend? Chale, I be single wai. We’ll talk later.” He dropped the call.

His friends asked if everything was alright and I laughed it off, “You know Richmond and his silly jokes. Don’t mind him.”

I was smiling but was burning with anger. I got home and called his phone but he didn’t pick up. The next morning I called. I called in the afternoon and in the night before I slept, I called his phone. He didn’t pick up any of my calls. So I tapped on my bank app and sent him GHC2,000. I sent him a message, “I’m sorry I misplaced your ring. If the money I sent is still lower than how much you bought the ring, please let me know and I will pay the difference.”

I put my phone down and slept. I woke up to see four missed calls from him. I called back and he didn’t pick up. He was angry that he called and I didn’t pick up so he wasn’t also going to pick mine. He then sent a voice note. A very long one. In summary, he said, “If you want to prove you have money, then pay every money I’ve spent on you. That way, I’ll know you’re serious.” I responded, “If you could only send me an invoice, I will try and do something.”

I wasn’t scared to say that because our relationship had been mutually beneficial. He wasn’t taking care of me and I didn’t run to him with needs. He bought me gifts and I bought him gifts too. He took me to places and he paid. Sometimes, we split bills too. I’m not saying this to prove he did nothing for me. He did a lot for me from his heart but at that moment we were both angry.

I was waiting to see when he would calm down for us to talk. He didn’t call for over a week. Within the week, I sent a message to ask how he was doing. He read it and ignored me. He kept shading me on his status. If you think only girls do that, then you’re wrong. Richmond does it too.

Close to a month later, he called and said he was calling to check up on me. I gave him a graceful response. “I’m doing very well, as you can read from my voice.” He asked, “When can I see you? We need to talk.” I answered, “If it’s a need then we can talk about it on the phone because I don’t know when I’ll be free to see you.”

He asked, “Why don’t you know? Are you  busy?” I responded, “No I’m not busy but I’m not in the season of seeing people.” “I’m not people. I’m your boyfriend.” He screamed from the other side of the phone. I answered calmly, “I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m single. My last relationship ended a month ago and I’m not ready to start a new one anytime soon. I’m sorry, boyfriend.”

Some men and their egos. They go around wearing bright colours of audacity, thinking if it’s bright enough then the world would see it. I didn’t see the colour of his audacity because I was wearing dark shades.

Someone just knocked on my door. Let me check. It could be Richmond.

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Talk of the devil. It was him. He’s been knocking on my doors since, asking for another chance to right the wrongs. It’s a promise ring I misplaced. What if it was our wedding ring? I paid for it but he still maintained his anger. I reached out to make amends but he ignored my stretched arm until I put it down. Why is he here when I’ve moved on? He gave me too much time to heal and when I did, there was no way back into his arms again.

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—Sarah

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