He says he wants to marry me. I know he means it. He has already performed my knocking rites. The marriage rites will follow in a few months’ time. While this is going to be my first marriage, it is going to be his second. Yes, my fiancé is a divorce with a daughter. While I have never been married, I have a son. So we both have kids we are bringing into the marriage.
So far there are certain things I want to see to prove that he has my interests at heart. For example, I buy gifts for his daughter. Sometimes I take her to the saloon and pay the bills. This is one of the ways I show him that I will take care of him and his child. He, on the other hand, has never bought anything for my son. Not even a gift on his birthday. He rarely asks of him.
That aside, I pay all my bills without his help. I am talking about rent, electricity, water, cosmetics, gas, and investment. When I am hard up and I ask him to help me out he would say, “Before you met me, how were you buying gas?” If I ask him for money, it would take him two or three months to give it to me. I am talking about GHC200 or GHC400.
I am running a small business. That’s how I earn a living. That income is how I pay for all I need, and even support my mother with it. The profit I make from this business at the end of every month doesn’t amount to GHC1000. It’s not enough but I manage it somehow.
I want to expand the business so I can earn more. I proposed that my boyfriend invest in the business so I could achieve my goals. He said, “I won’t invest in my girlfriend’s business. But if you become my wife I will do it.” This same man complains bitterly when I don’t go to his house to do his laundry, clean, and cook for him. How is this fair?
I know he earns more than GHC6000 a month so it isn’t that he doesn’t have money. He just likes to complain about being broke all the time. I would go to his place, and he would leave me and go to work without giving me any money. Whether or not there is food at home, he wouldn’t bother giving me money. I complained about it and he said, “What do you want me to do? I am broke.”
I asked what he uses his salary for and he listed; “Fuel (GHC3000), Food (GHC2000), My daughter (GHC1000), and You (GHC500).” The amount he gives me happens every three months, and it’s not a fixed one. There are times he doesn’t send it until I beg him. He says I’m not supportive but I believe he is the one who doesn’t support me. Or is he doing this because I am only his girlfriend? Will he change after marriage?
I’m trying so hard to be his peace, but he doesn’t appreciate it. He is only happy when I don’t ask him for anything at all. Sometimes, he expects me to buy groceries and supplies he lacks in his house for him. But he has never asked me to tell him the things I need or lack in my life. Is this how a partnership works?
When I try to raise concerns about his behaviour he would say, “I want shared responsibilities. I shouldn’t be the only one taking care of everything. You should also help.” I don’t have a problem pitching in. However, I can only support if I have the money. That’s why I don’t want him to force me to take responsibility. He should do his part. And I will also do my part. After all, I am human. There’s no way I will watch him do everything.
One of the things he does that also bothers me is his behaviour when it comes to food. When I visit him and we cook, until we finish that food he will never let us prepare a different food. If it’s jollof, we would eat it for three days; morning, afternoon, and evening. He doesn’t care if we are fed up with the food. He would insist we finish it.
I’ve Thought About How To Blame God
It’s left with a few months for us to do the traditional marriage and he wants me to take half the cost of everything. I told him I would only do that for the white wedding and he seems to have a problem with it. Please, is this what it means for both partners to contribute toward a relationship? Or there’s something wrong with my man’s worldview?
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—Asabea
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My sister return his drinks. He is straining you financially. He is a walking red flag. Stay clear of him. You are no superwoman so you will definitely break. He is nothing but a burden. If you get married to him then you are looking forward to death. He is cunning. What do you gain from him at all? Nothing. So being single is better. You paying for his daughter needs rent etc has become something else. My dear let him go. A stingy person is not someone we get married to . He will never change.
You are one in a million and the dream wife of every and any man. A man who is forcing you to pitch in for the traditional marriage will turn around and ridicule you that you married yourself not him. He is bad news, selfish and conniving. I will not consider him for a boyfriend let alone a husband. Drop and dump him like the trash he is and when you do you will marvel at the relief you will experience.
This is your side of the story. It would have been great to have the man tell us what he has done in your life since you met. The problem with this narration appears to pant the man as not caring at all. But with the salary he makes, he cannot pay your rent for you. That is your responsibility. Plus, many men have invested in women and they turn around to leave them. Do I agree with him that any investment he has should come after you both have signed the dotted lines on the marriage certificate.
My sister leave this thing called relationship. Even in relationship you are strained how about marriage. He is stingy. Do a thorough investigation as to why he is divorced. It might be the same problem. Put the marriage on hold and do further investigations. He is using you.
A leopard can not change its spots. You will have no peace with this man
Why are you in this relationship though? Clearly, you are going out with a burden on two legs you call a man. Apuuu , this one be man? This is the reason he is a single father.
Please do you want to die? Please if anything that threatens to deprive you of your night sleep is not worth a minute of your time. Cut him off else he will be your setback in all aspects of your life
Eiii madam gyae no wai….He is not married to u,yet he wants you to do wifely duties but doesn’t want to help you grow your business.From this write up,you are hardworking.U don’t earn much yet u cater for his daughter sometimes and he doesn’t care about your son to…hmmm its quite sad but the best thing to do is to return his drinks fast fast.He will not be responsible trust me
A man you should never marry: The greedy, stingy and selfish man. He’s all three words. He’s not worth it.
Do you know the reason why his first marriage didn’t workout?
Go and look for his former wife and congratulate her for leaving him. You are on your own if you go ahead to marry him. This is beyond pathetic. Run for your life
If you think once you marry him, he will change his behavior my sister it’s a lie. This proves he is only marrying you to take care of his house and daughter. You and your son are not important to him. So is better you end the courtship now and get someone who will take care of you, love and invest in your dreams. Someone who sees you an a priority not an opportunity. Else if you go head with that marriage, don’t say we did not warn you despite seeing all the red flags. It will only get worse after marriage.
Sometimes I don’t understand you ladies? For one thing he asks you how were you funding your life(food, gas, electricity bills etc) before you met him. And on the other hand he expects you to do his laundry, cook clean and probably fuck him and as for you, you can’t ask him how was he managing before he met you? A man who insists that you pay half of something he is supposed to do is not going to help you in any way. In his mind, he tells himself “I’m not the one going to take care of another man’s child.
Leave him now
I wish it’d get to the point where we get to investigate our prospective husband/wife from their previous partners. This would be very helpful. For all you know, the previous marriage ended as a result of a similar situation. My dear, be very careful with what you’re getting yourself into.