He Died Before I Got To Know He Had Five Children With Two Different Women

A few months after the Covid-19 pandemic hit the country, I was sent on a job assignment to another town. I was with a team. And when we got there, we were assigned a team from that town to work with. All the people in the team were very friendly and nice to work with. There was this guy among them who got along well with everyone. He and I hit it off.

Months into my stay there, Mike expressed romantic feelings for me. By then I had gotten to know and like him so I accepted his proposal. Things were very sweet between us. We never got into any major fights. And we spent a lot of time together. If we weren’t in each other’s presence, we would make up for the distance by speaking on the phone.

We were so madly in love that I never questioned if I was the only woman in his life. About three months into the relationship, my team had to return to our post. By then we had spent one year in Mike’s town. Long-distance relationships don’t usually work but Mike and I were determined to make it work. He was willing to do anything possible to hold on to me. I too didn’t want to lose him so we both tried.

I was there one day when someone called me from Mike’s town. This person was from his team. They told me, “Maame, are you aware that Mike has a baby mama? He has two children with her. They all live here in town.” This was strange. Considering the fact that I spent an entire year in that town and there were no signs or whispers that Mike had a baby mama. There were some children he was taking care of. He said he did it because their father abandoned them. That was the only thing I knew about him when it came to children.

So I confronted him after the phone call with his colleague. His only reaction was, “Babe, someone is messing with you to try and destroy our relationship. Have I ever lied to you?” He had never lied to me, so I said no. He explained that the person must have seen him with the children he takes care of, and gotten the wrong message. How could I not believe him? This is Mike we are talking about. He was one of the best people I had ever met.

We moved on peacefully. He made me talk to his mother and sister so they knew about me. We visited each other at least once in a month. And when we were apart, we spoke on the phone three or four times in a day. This was how we overcame the challenges of a long-distance relationship.

One afternoon I was at work when a lady from Mike’s team called me. The first question she asked me was, “Maame, have you heard from Mike?” I said, “He is travelling for work so we will talk when he arrives.” She then told me she was trying to reach him but he didn’t answer her calls so I should call him for her. I agreed but I got distracted with work after we hung up.

A few minutes later she called again, “Have you called him?” I said I was busy so she should just wait for him to return her calls. She answered, “No, Maame. It can’t wait. Tell him it’s urgent.” She really sounded frenzied so I called Mike. The person who answered the call was not him.

The person sounded sorrowful as they uttered the words, “Mike was involved in an accident. He died on the way to the hospital.” If not for the mournful wailing I heard in the background, I would have laughed and called the person a liar.

Sadly, they weren’t lying. My Mike was gone. He never arrived at where he was going. And he would never come home to me. I did not know that the last time I spoke to him was the last time I would ever hear him speak. I didn’t know that when I said “Bye,” at the end of the phone call, I meant farewell. My heart was shredded like paper in my chest.

For three days, I was inconsolable. I couldn’t even get out of bed, let alone go to work. I thought my tears would never dry. In my grief, I called his mother and sister. I knew they were the only ones who could fully understand my grief. We talked and comforted each other. Then they gave me the date for the one-week celebration. I decided I would arrive a day early so I could help them prepare for guests.

While I was there I caught conversations between Mike’s mother and sister that sounded odd to my ears. So I asked them what was going on. That was when I saw two women among the guests. One of them had two children. And the other one was pregnant while she had three children. “Those are Mike’s children and their mothers,” said his sister. I was so shocked that I couldn’t utter a word.

I felt anger causing through my veins as I watched the women and their children. Even the unborn baby was his. Which means Mike was still with her while he was with me. The pregnant woman lived in Mike’s mother’s town. While the other one lived in the town he worked at. It now occurred to me that the person who called to warn me was telling the truth. It was Mike who lied. And I was so blinded by love that I swallowed his words without digging for the truth myself.

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His mother and sister assured me that he never married the women. That’s why they welcomed me when he introduced me to them. But when his obituary came out, they wrote his baby mamas’ names as his widows. I figured it would be weird to show up at his funeral after finding out that our entire relationship was built on lies. Besides, his widows would be grieving him. How could I go and represent myself as his girlfriend? So I didn’t attend the funeral.

After the truth came out, I didn’t know if I should be sad that he died, or angry that he could have kept lying to me for a very long time. I was torn between the two emotions. So I allowed myself to feel both anger and grief every time I thought about him. A part of me even believes God took him out so he wouldn’t keep stringing me along. I may be wrong but that’s how I felt.

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Time has passed since his death. I have been trying to move on but it’s hard. I have become so paranoid that I question everything. I overanalyze everything someone tells me. I would dig and dig into even obvious things. I am so afraid to repeat the same mistakes I made with Mike that I end up driving people away.

I am trying to change but I don’t know how to go about it. Please how do I do this? How do I become someone who doesn’t overthink everything when it comes to relationships? I want to be normal again.

—Maame