All my life I have been in two long-term relationships. I went into the first one because I was eighteen, and everyone I knew was in a relationship. That made me feel left out so when Kofi came into my life, I accepted him wholeheartedly. We were together for five years before he broke up with me saying that I was too mature for him. I didn’t understand what he meant by that, and he refused to give me any explanations. We both knew that I am two years older than him but that was never a problem. 

The breakup broke me apart completely. And around that time too, my dad passed away. So I was dealing with the loss of two men I loved dearly. I felt a constant heartache for a long time. It took me two years to recover from Kofi and put myself back out there. That was when I met Paa. It was on one evening when my best friend forced me to go to a pub with her. By then I wasn’t sure I could love anyone again, and Paa wasn’t the type of guy I would typically fall in love with. So I was secure in the knowledge. 

At one point he asked me to dance with him, and I did. Through our dance, I felt connected to him somehow. After we were done we exchanged contacts. Two days after that he called me and we spoke on the phone for hours. I didn’t like long talks on the phone but with him, I enjoyed every bit of it. As the days went by we talked and bonded over the phone. And I felt like I had known him for ages. One day he invited me to his house and I went. Things got heated between us and we ended up having shuperu. I felt really bad about it. I felt it would give him a wrong impression about me, even though I had fallen in love with him already. 

I was so in love with him that I was willing to bend a lot of my rules for him. All I wanted to do was to make him happy. But it was difficult to do that because he wasn’t open with me about certain things in his life. This made us argue a lot of times. And I tried to remedy that by sharing very intimate details about my life with him. He listened to me alright but he never felt the need to also share stuff about his life with me. All he did was lie about his past relationships and his whereabouts. Later I found out that I wasn’t even the only woman in his life.

 Apparently, he had many women before I came along. When I confronted him about it he lied, “Nothing is going on between me and them. We are just friends.” Even when I showed him the evidence I had gathered he still lied his way out of it. I cried and asked him, “Why won’t you just admit it? Why are you insulting me by lying to me?” That was when he admitted that he was cheating and apologized profusely and promised never to do it again. He swore I would be the only woman in his life, going forward. I still loved him so I forgave him.

 A few months later he went back to his old ways. And I caught him again, and he apologized again. I still loved him so I forgave him yet again. But it happened again several times. He even stopped apologizing at some point, but because I loved him I kept forgiving him. I cried so many times because of him but Paa was unrepentant. He even came up with a timetable to help him regulate the time he spent with his women. He gave me days, and times I could visit. He told me, “This is when you can visit me, and always call me before you come.” I knew what he was doing was disrespectful but I just couldn’t let him go. So I accepted the timetable. 

On days I visited him to surprise him, he wouldn’t open his gate for me. Sometimes he would lie and say that he wasn’t home while I would clearly see that he was home. Just last year I found out he was dating another girl for months. He tried to cover his tracks but I knew him so well. I could tell when he was up to something. “Who is this new girl you are dating?” I asked him several times. The only response he gave me was, “I don’t know what you are talking about. There’s no one in my life apart from you.” One time I told him, “You can’t lie to me, Paa. I have known you for six years. I know you inside out.” 

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So one day I showed up at his place unannounced. He didn’t get the chance to lock his gate or lie that he wasn’t home. I just walked right into the house and found the girl there. He got angry at my intrusion, and the girl also got angry and left. I also got angry and packed the stuff that I had left at his place and went home. Later, I called the lady and told her, “Paa and I have been together for many years. We’ve been through so much together and I love him very much. Please stay away from him.” After my phone call with the girl, Paa also called her and broke up with her. I thought she would go away quietly, but no. She sent Paa a text; “It’s okay if you choose her over me. I just want to be your side chick.” 

I was shocked when I read the message. I told him, “Paa, you can’t have both of us. You need to choose.” To my utter horror, he told me, “Then I choose her. You and I are done.” I was deeply hurt and disappointed because I had faith in him. I wanted our relationship to end in marriage. We were actually making plans to marry next year. We contributed a lot to each other’s lives and growth. I hated to watch it end so painfully. He is a serial cheat but he has been there for me through thick and thin. The breakup made me suicidal at some point. I know it’s stupid to want to die over a man who doesn’t want me but I was so in love with him. To be honest, I still love him. 

He came back to me a few weeks after the breakup asking me to be patient and give him time to make things right. I foolishly thought he needed that time to get rid of the other lady but no, they are still together as I write this. They even have a baby together. I know I am supposed to hate him but I don’t. Because I still love him and I don’t even know why. I pray every day for God to remove him from my heart but it’s not working. Although I have stopped seeing him, I wish I could get away from all this mess. How is it so easy to love someone yet so difficult to unlove them? How do I unlove him, please? 

—Akosua

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