On my twenty-ninth birthday, I prayed to God about my relationship. I told Him the next man I meet should be my last stop because I wasn’t growing any younger. I was ready to settle down and wanted to date a man He Himself had chosen for me.

At that time, Josh was around, pestering me with a relationship proposal, so I mentioned his name in my prayer and asked God to reveal to me if indeed Josh was the one. After that prayer, I must admit, I didn’t do anything else but went ahead to accept Josh’s proposal because he had been pursuing me for over a month.

Before accepting his proposal, I told him what I needed in love and what I hoped to get in the near future. I even told him the reason why I was accepting his proposal was that he looked like a serious guy who was ready to settle down. I asked him, “Or am I wrong?” He nodded his head and smiled before saying, “You can’t be wrong. What’s a relationship if it’s not about settling down?”

I saw some red flags, but I ignored them. To me, the love was new, so I was giving it some time to see if things would change. Anytime he was coming to visit, he would call and ask what I had cooked before he would come. He would come empty-handed, eat, sleep, and leave. If he didn’t like what I cooked, he would ask me, “Can’t you prepare banku and okro for me? I’ve been yearning for that all week.”

I would prepare it, he would come and eat without giving me anything. He wouldn’t even come with a small gift in hand and say, “Oh babe, I got this on the way for you.” I love to receive gifts. Even when I had to visit him, he asked me to bring stuff to cook for him.

One day, he put his phone on charge and entered the toilet. His phone’s screen was already on before he put it on charge, so I quickly picked it up before the screen went off. I checked his messages. I didn’t even bother about his chats with other women. I went straight to the chat between him and his friend Kaylu.

Kaylu said, “Charley, Alberta has been calling me oo. She says you’ve been avoiding her. What’s happening?” Josh responded, “Oh, don’t mind that girl. She loves marriage too much. Every small conversation, this girl will talk about marriage. Is she the only woman in this world without a husband?”

They had dated for over four years, according to what Kaylu said, and “after four years, what do you expect a woman to talk about?” Kaylu asked. Josh responded, “Then she should go and find another man because I’m not ready.”

I was like, “Oh, is that so?”

I put the phone down quietly and went to the kitchen. When he came out of the toilet, he asked for his food. I told him I mistakenly put sugar in the okro instead of salt, so the stew had gone bad. He laughed at me. He said, “Oh, so we can’t eat it at all?” I answered, “If you try it, you’ll shit for a whole month.”

I saw him off, and that very day, I texted him that I couldn’t continue anymore. He was like, “Oh, but how? What did I do? I thought everything was fine?” I answered, “It was fine until I realised it wasn’t fine. It’s not your fault but mine.” He said, “If you need space, I can give you that, but we don’t have to break up because of an unknown issue.”

You Broke Me Into Pieces: A Daughter’s Emotional Conversation With Her Father

I didn’t want to argue about what I saw in his message. Plus, anything he was going to say would amount to nothing, so why bother? When I agreed I needed the space, the next thing he said was, “But it doesn’t mean I can’t come home and eat if I miss your meals, right?” The answer that came to my head wasn’t pretty, so I hushed it and instead told him he couldn’t call me while he was giving me space.

That’s how we ended. No drama. No back-and-forth argument. Go your way; let me go mine.

—Irene

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